Just a dream

I woke up panicking. I had just had a disturbing dream. In the dream, I had forgotten that Skooter and Moped were out. It was a cold, windy, snowy day. I had abandoned them to the elements. Skooter came to the door with his fur standing up and frozen. Moped? Where was Moped? I scanned the yard quickly. There he was, snow covered and frozen, under a tree. I was afraid to call to him, but I did. And he moved, slowly but he moved. I hustled them both inside.

That's when I woke up panicking. How could I have done that to my boys? Wait, it was just a dream. Or was it? Haven't I truly abandoned them to a foreign place. I know, I know, they are doing well down there, but that doesn't change the fact that I left them there. I can still see Skooter's face at the door when we were leaving. He was whining, wondering why I wouldn't let him in. And absolutely wondering why I was leaving him.

I cried myself to sleep last night with that image burning brightly in my mind. No wonder I had the dream that I did. I do feel like I've abandoned them. Doing what is right is not always easy. Sometimes it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. But you know you have to do it because it's the best thing for everyone in the long run. In the short term, it just feels miserable.

So I thought that if I sat down and typed out the dream, I would feel better having got it out. No, not really. It was too real and too startling. It's a cold night out and I hope they have their blankets in their kennels to keep them warm. I need to be able to visualize them in their kennels, all curled up on their blankets, sleeping peacefully. I need to be able to do that. I won't be able to get through the night if I can't see them resting, warm and comfortable.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to let them go? Will they always feel like my dogs? Will it feel like they are just on loan to someone else? Do I fantasize about getting them back one day - absolutely! I dream of winning the lottery so I can buy a house with lots of property, property for the dogs to romp on. I dream of setting up my own GSP Rescue and having my boys back. The official mascots of the Rescue. I dream about helping out the Rescue in Penrose. I wish it wasn't just a dream. I love GSP's and I'd love to Rescue them. With help I could do it.

But there won't be any lottery win and there won't be any Rescue. And there won't be any bringing the boys home where they belong. There will just be sadness and a void.