The Wookie

It 's the craziest things that remind me of the dogs. Tonight "Return of the Jedi" is on and Chewbacca came on screen. He's the Wookie of course. That reminded me of Moped. I can hear Mopes making his Wookie sounds. It was so cute when he made those sounds - chirping and trilling. I sure do miss those sounds. I wonder if he's making those sounds for his new family and if they appreciate how unique and cute they are. It's the little things that I miss.

Funny GSP Pics

I found these pictures of other GSP's and thought I'd add them in to my blog.

Shooters of dog hunted

By ANTHONY CARDINALE
News Staff Reporter / Buffalo News

Jeff Burg wants to find the hunters who shot his dog on Saturday after they had shot a deer near his family’s property in the Town of Lockport. One of the hunters said he mistook the spotted 75-pound dog for a coyote...

The two hunters then departed, leaving behind the deer they had shot, along with the dog with its spine severed by a deer slug. The dog had to be put down.

“Obviously, they were scared, so they just split,” said Burg, 27, who lives with his wife in the City of Lockport. “If you’re going to be man enough to shoot a dog, be man enough to own up to it - be man enough to help me out in my dog’s time of need.”

Riley was a 1 1/2-year-old German short-haired pointer. He was brown and white and was wearing a bright orange collar.

Burg said he had taken Riley out for a walk on the family’s 40-acre property.
“This guy shot him from about 50 feet away,” Burg said. Burg said he ran up to the man who had shot his dog and swore at him.

“Oh, man, I’m so sorry,” Burg quoted the man. “I thought he was a coyote!”
“He doesn’t look like a coyote,” Burg replied. “He’s twice the size of a coyote. I’ve never seen a coyote with an orange collar.”

Burg then ran to take care of Riley, and the men disappeared.
The incident is under investigation by the Niagara County Sheriff’s Office, 438-3393.

Get over it already

How many people are reading this and saying 'get over it already, they're just dogs!'? I guess it's hard for someone who hasn't gone through this to understand. People try to say the right things. They try to make me feel better about my decison to give them up to the Rescue. But no words really help. Nothing helps right now. I am just too sad.

Just one more time

We went up to the mountain home today. It was a beautiful drive. I thought it would take my mind off of Skooter, going for a drive. It didn't. I haven't been able to stop thinking about him. He's probably gone to his new home by now. I feel that I will never get over this terrible feeling of emptiness. I know that no one else truly cares about me going on about this for so long, but I just need to get it all out. The absence of Skooter was the elephant in the room on the whole drive. Neither of us really could talk about him without fear of crying. I have to admit that I did cry a little bit on the way up the mountain.

Going to the old house was emotional too. Doggy nose prints on the windows, the stray dog toy in the yard, and remembering Skooter running around the property, with no tie out. And the dog kennel. So many reminders of him. I kept asking myself if there was anything I could have done to keep them. I had to convince myself that the answer was, no, there wasn't anything I could have done to keep them. But in my heart I fear it is yes and I've missed my opportunity with Skooter and Moped. The only thought that consoles me and only in a minor way, is that one day I will have GSP's again. Harley and Vespa. But it will feel like such a betrayal to Skooter and Moped. Now is certainly not the time to be thinking of another dog, but it's hard to be without a dog at all.



So many sad memories today. So much heartache. I don't want to stop the Dog Blog because it will mean that I have stopped thinking about Skooter. And that hasn't happened yet.



I still can't rid of the package that came in the mail after we took them to the Rescue (the seat belt restraints and the seat cover). I think I will keep it until we get another dog, no matter how long that is. And I don't think I will open it until then either. It will just sit as a reminder of what I have done. Giving up a dog is not an easy thing. I look at the GSP Rescue site and can't imagine how all of the people have just abondoned their dogs. It is so sad. I consider getting our future dog(s) at the Rescue. Why bring another puppy into the house when there is a loving dog just waiting for a home.

I wish I had done a better job of saying goodbye to them. Maybe that would have made all of this easier. I don't know. This day has been so much harder than I imagined it would be. So much harder. I wish that the cats rushing to the door when we got home would take away some of the ache, but it does not. How could I have done this to them? No, how could I have done this to us? I certainly didn't go into this thinking that I wasn't committed forever. I try to tell my self that it is beyond my control, due to unforseen circumstances. But it doesn't matter. It still hurts like hell.


I can't believe how much this hurts. I can't believe that I'm crying this much. My head hurts from feeling so intensely. I just want the pain to stop. I can't think of anything to do to console myself. It's only been a month but it feels like a lifetime since I've seen Skooter and Moped. What I wouldn't give to kiss their fuzzy faces just one more time. Just one more time.

Goodbye

Moped's profile has been removed from the Rescue site. Skooter's was taken off last weekend. They are no longer Rescue dogs. They are dogs that have a proper home. It's a bit sad to have their profiles taken off because it makes the adoptions final. I would think that Skooter is still down there at this time (7:30am) and will be picked up later today.

That's it. My dogs have been adopted by other families. The Dog Blog won't go on for much longer. I'll wait to get an update on Skooter, but there will be nothing new to say day to day. I could write every day about how much I love them and how much I miss them, but that would be self-indulgent and boring. No, I'll only continue as long as I have something meaningful to add to the Dog Blog. I'll miss the Dog Blog too. It has kept me connected to Skooter and Moped on a daily basis. Now it will just be an entry here or there IF I get any updates on the dogs.

The Dog Blog has served it's purpose - to help me get through the adoption of Skooter and Moped. The Blog has helped me to process my feelings every step of the way. I'm so glad that I did it. Thank you, Blogger, for this incredible opportunity.

Goodbye Puddin' Pop. Goodbye Mister Wiggles. Have a great life!

Today's the day!

Well, today is the day that Skooter goes home with his new family. They will get back from vacation (Cancun? Cozumel?) and land in Colorado Springs. From there they will drive down to Penrose to pick up Skooter. Then they'll drive home to the suburbs of Denver. It'll be a long ride for Skooter but he does so well riding in the car. I don't know if they'll put him in his kennel for the ride home or not. He would do okay in the back seat. He would just sit there up against the back seat and eventually take a nap (sitting up!). He'll probably be a bit nervous at first but he'll come out of his shell quickly I would think. I bet their boys will just love him.

I wish I could tell Skooter that it wasn't anything that he did that landed him in the Rescue. I'd want him to know it's my inadequacy that led to him being surrendered. I just wish I could say to him 'Skooter, it's not your fault'. I don't want him to think that we left him because we don't love him. On the contrary, we brought him to the Rescue because we love him so much. We wanted a better life for Skooter and Moped. A life we just couldn't give them no matter how hard we tried. Our yard was not going to get any bigger and the fence wasn't going to get any taller (covenant restrictions). They just wouldn't get enough exercise here. But I still love them and miss them. Always will.

Moped I don't worry so much about. He's so happy wherever he is and with whomever he's with. He's just a happy go lucky dog. I know he is doing well in his new home. Skooter I do worry about because he is so sensitive. He's cautious about new places and new people. It'll take him a bit to get into the swing of life with the new family.

Even though Skooter's been gone for a month, today seems like the day that he is really leaving. I could pretend that I could go get him at any time down at the Rescue. But now that he belongs to someone else, there's no pretending any more. He has a new home. He has a new mom. Someone to love him like I do. He has a new home. And today he goes there.

I love Skooter to pieces. I miss him so much. I feel like I will never get over the loss of Skoots. My Skooter Pie. Maybe it will be like it was for Moped. Once I get the first update and know he's doing okay I'll be able to let go. But when it comes to Skooter, maybe not. I might hold on to him forever. At least that's the way it feels.

We're thinking of going up to the mountain home today. It will be a sad ride without Skooter to keep us company. I know I will look in the back seat for him. And he won't be there because today is the day.

If only

Life is just so empty without the dogs. I don't know what to do without them. I have all this free time now and I can't think of anything to do. I just want to have a dog again. I really miss having a dog. Now that I've had a dog, I can't stand being without one. I just want to go down there today and get Skooter. Today is the last day I could do that. I won't really do it, but I wish I could. He's already promised to a family that has kids. I'm sure they are excited thinking about picking him up. I wonder if they talked about him while they were on vacation. Are they totally looking forward to adding him to their family? I hope so. Skooter deserves the best. And I just couldn't give him the best life he could have. I know I'll figure it out sooner or later, what to do with all this time I have now. I'm angry that things have worked out the way they did over the last year and a half and that it meant having to give up my dogs. If only things had been different. If only.

One more day

Skooter leaves for his new home tomorrow. Then it will feel final. My dogs will have new owners. I hope to get an update on Skooter like I did for Moped. Skooter is shy and I want him to fit in as soon as he can. I'm sure he'll do well with his new family. I still cry for them. I wonder when that will stop. And I'm still waking up in the middle of the night. But there are no dogs to take care of so I usually work on the Dog Blog. It keeps me connected to Skooter and Moped. I thought by now I'd have nothing to say about them, but I still have deep feelings and need to express them in the Dog Blog. It feels so self-indulgent, but isn't that what a blog is anyway :-) . I think Skooter will do great as an only dog. At least I think he'll be the only dog. He likes being the center of attention. He likes getting all the love. And he deserves it. He's such a good dog. I'm glad he'll have people to play with and a yard to run around in and get to go places with his new family. Skooter will have a good life. I can be happy knowing that.

Healthcare today

Two patients limp into two different American medical clinics with the same complaint. Both have trouble walking and appear to require a hip replacement.

The first patient is examined within the hour, is x-rayed the same day, has a time booked for surgery the next day and, within two days, is home recuperating.

The second sees the family doctor after waiting a week for an appointment, then waits eighteen weeks to see a specialist, then gets an x-ray, which isn't reviewed for another month and finally has his surgery scheduled for 6 months from then.

Why the different treatment for the two patients?
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The first is a German Shorthaired Pointer.
The second is a Member of an HMO!

Wax lips

Lisa told me a story yesterday about her dog, Woody. Apparently he got hold of a pair of red, wax lips and got them in his mouth the right way. He ran around with the wax lips on. Lisa said it was very funny. I bet it was. Unfortunately they didn't get a picture of Woody with the wax lips. But here's a picture of another dog with red, wax lips so you can get an idea of what I'm talking about. I found this on Google images. The dog's name is Chloe. Someone is actually holding up the wax lips, whereas Woody held them in his mouth on his own, making the situation that much more hilarious.

Dog Stories

If you have a dog story that you would like to share on the Dog Blog, please use the contact form below to get in touch with me. Or post it as a comment, I can include those in the Dog Blog too.

Sam

My response to the continuation of Julia's story

Julia,

Thank you for continuing to take an interest in the Dog Blog and our story. You're right they were running me ragged. I'm feeling a whole lot less stress these days with them going to new, wonderful homes. You really made me smile when your wrote about Mister Wiggles and Freya. How can you not be happy thinking of them doing that? The average GSP here is liver with ticking or patches, but they run the gamut on looks, like ours, liver and white, patched and ticked. I would love to see pictures of your dogs if you have them and can send them to me.

I'm sorry that Freya didn't calm down after having her puppies. But you are right, GSP's never calm down! I can't imagine having 10 puppies in addition to the adult dogs - all GSP's. That had to have been crazy. How you made it through that is nothing short of a miracle. I look forward to the rest of the story. It is not bothering me in the least to hear your story. On the contrary, it's making me smile! You tell the tale so well that I can't wait to hear more.

I want to hear other peoples dog stories, even though my dogs are gone. It cheers me up somehow. I look forward to the next installment of your story! Whenever you have time. As long as it's not bringing back painful memories for you.

Nettie

Julia's story continued...

"Hi Nettie –

I’ve been reading further back in the Blog and, oh my goodness, those dogs were running you ragged. How much longer could you have kept that up? I really don’t think you could have tried any harder to keep them. GSPs are so rewarding but they are high maintenance, that’s for sure. You have brought back a lot of memories of our three, and not all good ones! I smiled at ‘Mr. Wiggles’. Our Freya would do that – it started somewhere in the middle and radiated to both ends and she would peel back her lips and grin at you – what a greeting! She was such a character and a beautiful looking dog, mostly liver with white patches. The other two were solid liver. I wish I could show you photos. Are Skooter and Moped typical US GSPs? Their colouring is different to ours in the UK.

We decided to let Freya have a litter mainly as we were advised that it would ‘calm her down’ – needless to say, it didn’t! Do GSPs ever calm down? Our aim was to breed truly ‘dual purpose’ pups that could work and/or be shown and, having selected our stud dog, a Champion whose owners were well known in the show world, took her many miles to have her mated. What a shock it was to find that the ‘Stud’ consisted of the back room of a tiny two-up-two-down terraced house with the smallest back yard. The yard was covered with sheds, all full of GSPs. They must have had 15 or more dogs crammed in like battery hens. Yet these people were well respected in the GSP world. If only everyone had half the consideration for their dogs as you. Anyway, the deed was done and we went home to await the big event.

Unfortunately, when the day came, Freya was unable to give birth naturally and had to be rushed to the vets for an emergency caesarian. Suddenly there we were with an exhausted dog, a nice big vet’s bill and a box of eleven hungry, squirming pups. So began the job of bottle feeding every two hours around the clock – by the time we got to the last pup it was time to start again and we quickly had to organize a rota of friends and family. Sadly, the weakest of the litter died after a couple of days. We hoped this routine would only be until Freya got her strength back but she took one look at those demanding babies and decided she didn’t want to know. Not a maternal bone in her body! For the next seven weeks, she barely tolerated them. Anyway, somehow we got through those early weeks and soon we had ten adorable little bundles of mischief running riot.

I will save the tale of how we found homes for them all for another time, although do say if I am upsetting you. I would hate to prolong your agony if you are trying to distance yourself a little. It’s so painful reading your daily ups and downs.

Julia "

Moped update

Kris emailed an update on Moped. Here it is:

"Morning Samantha,

Just got off the phone with Moped's new owners. He is doing fantastic! They absolute adore him! He sleeps in his kennel at night with the door open, plays with all the toys they have given him, is totally gentle around their daughter, gets to go out for walks three times a day, and yesterday because the wind was blowing so badly, the lady's mom came over with her dog (a heeler/pitbull mix female) and the dogs got to play inside until they both were exhausted - then they took a nap together on the couch.

Moped has settled in nicely in his new home. He's happy and he's listening to their commands. He learned to settle when he came inside the house while he stayed here, and I guess that's stuck with him, he's very mannerly now. They are totally amazed how well behaved and trained he is. He walks on loose leash under any/all circumstances - no pulling at all.

I think Moped will enjoy a very long and happy life with his new owners. When they send pictures of him, I'll forward that on to you, too.

Kris"

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I am thrilled to hear that Moped is doing so well. It sounds like he's definitely in the right place. It was so good to get the email from Kris. I really was wondering how Moped was doing in his first days with the new family. Now I know - he's doing great! What a relief. :-)

Rainy days

I think it has been easier for me because I can picture the place where Skooter is. I've been there. I don't have to imagine it. But now I have to imagine where Moped is and soon I will have to do the same with Skooter. There is something about knowing where they are that is comforting.

I am feeling less connected to them. I don't cry immediately when I look at their pictures. I just feel a sadness, an emptiness that I can't quite describe. I do not feel the devastation that I felt just days ago. Maybe it's where I am in the grief process. Maybe it is just that I am on overload and I'm compensating somehow. I don't know.

I received another PM from Julia. I'll post it later today. I so enjoy hearing the stories about her dogs. It brings a smile to my face. That's what I will miss most about not having the dogs - people sharing their dog stories with me. So I am grateful for Julia.

I'm still waking up at 2 - 3 am. I wish I could sleep through the night, but it is such an ingrained habit to get up for them. I do miss my middle of the night time with Skooter and Moped. It was a special time. It felt good to get up and let them out of their kennels for a bit. I wonder if they are sleeping through the night okay without each other.

I still worry about them when it rains. I don't want them to be stuck outside in the rain. I want them to be safe and warm, always.

I wonder how Moped is doing in his new home. Is he adjusting okay to being the only dog? He's so social and I worry that he'll have a rough time being without other dogs. I just can't picture him being settled down yet. Maybe he is better than he was with me. He is a month older now. That can make a huge difference in behavior. I just don't want the new family to regret picking him.

I hope I'm making sense here in the middle of the night. I didn't have to be all there for the dogs. They just loved me being there at all. Unconditional love. What a wonderful feeling. It's a feeling you can only get from your dog.

I'm going to try to go back to bed, just like I would if the dogs were here. I'll try to find some comfort in knowing that they are both spoken for. I think when Skooter 'goes home' this weekend, I will have a difficult time. He is my boy and I will miss him most of all. Mister Wiggles. My Skooty Skoot. Yes, it will be hard to let him go for good. I guess I will always wonder about them. Especially on rainy days.

A comment and a reply

"I've noticed your negative comments regarding Bark Busters training method in several of your posts. Was the problem actually Bark Busters? Or, was the problem your inability to understand canine psychology, communication, and education? After all, they have trained over 350,000 dogs successfully...and, look at their website and the thousands of testimonials indicating how impressive their trainers and results have been for dog owners all over the US.My neighbor has a GSP...they used Bark Busters and their dog has been AMAZING ever since. He says the method is absolutely not based on intimidation or fear, and that in fact the method is based on a very humane, non-physical verbal correction, then LOTS of guidance and praise.I wonder why your experience was different?... - Anonymous"

Because I am different and my dogs are different we had a different experience. My dog was terrified by their training technique of throwing a corrective aid (a piece of chain) close to him. Bark Busters may well work for others, but it was my experience that it did not work for Skooter. Relationship based training is what worked for Skooter. Training built on trust. That again, was MY experience with training my dog. - Sam

Night moves

I'm still waking up in the middle of the night and having to get up for a while. I was so used to doing that with the dogs. I'd hear Moped scratching on his kennel or either of them whining. I'd have to get up to let them go out. Sometimes Skooter didn't want outside he just wanted out of the kennel. Moped first needed to go outside, then he wanted to stay out of his kennel to play once he came back in. Skooter would inevitably get up on the couch and settle in for the night, forgetting that he had to go back in his kennel. There were many nights that I stayed out on the couch with Skooter just so he could stay out of his kennel. Moped was just too wild to stay out of his kennel. When he came in he was like lighning flashing around the house grabbing my underwear or the tv remote and trying to play keep away. I usually traded him for a more appropriate toy, but he still wanted to play keep away, so we did. He was just tring to run off some of the pent up energy he had from being in his kennel all day.

I hope that Moped is out of his kennel the majority of the time during the day. It would be nice if he could be taught to sleep outside of the kennel too, but I don't think he's quite ready for that yet. But I don't really know because he's not my dog anymore. He won't survive unless he gets lots of exercise - walks, romps, playing in the house, playing in the yard, more walks, more romps, etc. He's a GSP. They are not like other breeds. And especially a dog like Moped who has championship hunting lines in his blood. He's got to get tons of energy out in appropriate ways or he'll have issues. I hope his new family understands that.

And Skooter's new family will have to exercise him too, but not to the degree that Moped needs exercise. Skooter is happy to lay down (on the couch if he's allowed) and relax, something Moped just couldn't do. Skoots likes to lay around or sit in your lap, if you'll let him and take a nap. Even though he has tons of energy to get out, he's still fairly lazy. :-) Skoots will do great playing in the back yard and going for walks. He'll need an occaissional romp in a field so he can chase rabbits and butterflies. Sometimes Skoots just needs to run and explore. But he knows where his home is. He's a smart dog. Actually he's a brilliant dog.

I still feel guilty about doing the so-called training with Bark Busters. It was a horrible experience for Skooter. I think it made him fearful and very cautious of new people. I wouldn't want anyone to think that he is that way because of anything we purposely did to him. We were always loving with him and kind. We were just misguided for a couple of weeks on inappropriate training techniques. But Skoots did pay for our ignorance. Thankfully he seems to have mostly recovered from the ordeal.

His new family will have to be gentle and patient with Skooter. He can be obstinate. They need to establish dominance immediately or Skooter will walk all over them in his funny, loving, pig-headed way. :-) They would be best served to keep him in line.

I guess I'm hoping that the new families will read the Dog Blog to get a better understanding of Skooter and Moped. So much of what I write is to them. But this blog has been a way for me to process my thoughts and feelings about having the dogs, surrendering the dogs and letting the dogs go. I've needed this blog desperately. I don't think I could have processed these events without the Dog Blog being there for me. It is the place where I can think, I can laugh, I can cry and it's a place where I can love.

And that is what I am left with regarding my former dogs - all the love that we shared! The love will carry me through.

Now I think it is time to go back to bed. Sweet dreams to my puppies. Your mommy loves you.

This is a trick Moped played on David...

David read the Dog Blog today. He said that my goodbye to Skooter made him cry. It made me cry too. We miss him. I wonder how he did last night without Moped. He probably spread out in the kennel and enjoyed himself. I wonder how Moped did without Skooter. They've never been separated beyond a kennel between them at night. They did spend some time apart when Moped went to doggy day care and Skooter seemed to like the time he had alone with me.

I was talking to Lynn tonight and remembered how calm Moped was the day and evening of his neutering. It was the only time he was quiet and laid back. It was such a joy. Kris said she has a dog down there that makes Moped look calm! I can't imagine that. Moped wasn't a bad boy, he was just busy, a real puppy.

Now I'm hoping that the new owners don't get in touch with me. I don't want this dragged out any further. I feel like I've let go of them, I miss them, but I've let go of them. They belong to somebody else now.

I'm not sure how long the Dog Blog can go on without them, but I don't think it will be much past the day the Skooter actually goes home with his new family. Then it really will be final. I hope these people know how lucky they are to be getting these dogs. They are exceptional dogs. If I could have kept them and given them an appropriate home, I would have kept them. But it was too stressful with them not getting enough exercise. It wasn't a good situation for any of us. Now I'm less stressed, they have good homes and everyone will be doing okay after some adjustment time.

I've said my goodbyes to Skooter and Moped on the Dog Blog. That helped me to let go of them. I think that if I hadn't done that, I would still be hanging on to them for dear life. I think it's because I didn't say goodbye to them properly when we brought them down to the Rescue. But I can be happy for them now. We all will adjust.

Skooter's profile has been taken off the GSP Rescue site because he has been adopted. Moped's will probably disappear too very soon. I guess that makes it official. They're not up for adoption anymore because two lucky families are going to be blessed with great dogs. It is final. They belong to someone else now. Skooter is not mine to check on anymore. He has a loving family who will take care of him. I know he's still down at the Rescue until Saturday, but it wouldn't feel right to interfere in other people's lives by checking on him. They already own him. I need to let go of both of my boys now. They'll always have a special place in my heart.

Goodbye, Skooter. I wish you the best life a dog can have. I hope you are loved more than you can stand. Grow up to be the magnificent dog that you have already started to be. I will always love you, think of you, and miss you. You will always have a special place in my heart. Love, Mom

Moped says...

"Missing You"

Everytime I think of you, I always catch my breath
And I'm still standing here, and you're miles away
and I'm wondering why you left
And there's a storm that's raging through my frozen heart tonight
I hear your name in certain circles
And it always makes me smile
I spend my time thinking about you
and it's almost driving me wild
And there's a heart that's breaking
down this long distance line tonight
I ain't missing you at all (missing you)
since you've been gone away (missing you),
I ain't missing you (missing you)
No matter what I might say (missing you)
There's a message in the wire and I'm sending the signal tonight
You don't know how desperate I've become
and it looks like I'm losing this fight
In your world I have no meaning
though I'm trying hard to understand
and it's my heart that's breaking
down this long distance line tonight
I ain't missing you at all (missing you)
since you've been gone away (missing you),
I ain't missing you (missing you)
No matter what my friends say (missing you)
there's a message that I'm sending out
via telegraph to your soul
and if I can't breach this distance
stop this heartbreak overload
I ain't missing you at all ...ow...(missing you)
since you've been gone away (missing you),
I ain't missing you (missing you)
No matter what my friends say (missing you)
I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you..
I can't lie to myself
And there's a storm that's raging through my frozen heart tonight
I ain't missing you at all
I ain't missing you...missing you
I ain't missing you, oh no
I ain't missing you, I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you, I ain't missing you
I ain't missing you, I ain't missing you..
Everytime I think of you, I always catch my breath.

- John Waite

Abrupt ending

I feel like there is this abrupt ending to the Dog Blog. I guess I thought it would go on for a while longer. I guess I never want it to end. I never want the loss to be final. But it is final. Skooter and Moped have new homes and I need to let go of them. It brings tears to my eyes to think of letting them go. I need to tell myself that I used to have two GSP's. Maybe in the future I'll have another GSP, but for now I am not a dog owner. I have three wonderful cats and they will have to be enough for me for now. But there will be no Cat Blog because my cats are boring. They just lay around all day, kinda like me. :-) I guess for a while I could write ' day number five - the dogs are still gone, I still don't hear them barking, the yard is still empty, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah'. Woudn't exactly call that a riveting storyline. Oh well, whatever comes up, I'll write about it until there's nothing left to write about the dogs. I thought I'd throw in a picture of my cats so you can see what I'm up against. How will I ever be able to live with these beasts? ;-)

Clearing my head

I went out for a ride and cleared my head of all the worried thoughts. I was worried that Moped would be out of control on the ride to his new home and that his first impression would be a bad one. But then I remembered that he should have his kennel and probably rode home in the kennel. That made me feel better. And he'll need it to sleep in at night. I also thought about Moped missing Skooter tonight. He's done okay in his own kennel but I don't know how he'll be being the only dog in the house. He's so social. I know that having an active, loving family will be enough for him. He'll love that little girl. I can just picture him running around the house, checking everything out and sniffing anything he can get his nose close to. And I KNOW he's got something in his mouth as he runs around! :-) I hope they get their fence up soon so he can have his own yard.

I have such a warm feeling about Moped being in his new home. My boy has got it good now.

Worried thoughts

I'm having worried thoughts about adopting out the boys. Not actually giving them up, I know that was the right thing do, but having them go to homes that I don't know. What if Moped doesn't behave? Will they bring him back to the Rescue? Will they be patient with him? Will Skooter's new family remember to come down and get him? Will they still want him?

Ugh! I don't want to worry about stuff like this. I just want to be happy for them and their new families. Worry won't get me anything but an upset stomach. I'm not going to worry about them, I'm going to give it over to God. This is a time that I need to focus on Jesus and be grateful for the wonderful life I have and the time that I did have with Skooter and Moped. They enriched my life. I will miss being involved in their lives.

Moped's new home

Kris called me back. Moped is going to a family up in Castle Rock. They are a young couple, the mom stays at home with their four year old little girl. They have a big house (new construction) and a yard that will have a six foot cedar fence (the wood's there it just needs to be built). Moped did great with their little girl. She gave him treats and he took them gently. They took him for a walk around the block and when they came back they said that Moped was the dog for them! He'll have an awesome home with people who understand high energy dogs (they use to have Rhodesian Ridgebacks). It will be a good, safe home. He will be loved. I'm sure they are having a great time driving home with him. I wonder if they will keep his name. It'll be sad if he's not Moped any more. But as long as he is loved, that's the important thing.

Kris said today will be a test for Skooter - his first day without Moped around. They sleep together at night so Skooter will sleep alone tonight. He'll probably love that. I think Skooter will do okay without Moped. Moped picks on him a lot and Skooter gets fed up with that.

Yesterday, after the rain stopped, Kris let the dogs out. They were anxious to get out. They ran laps around the yard and then settled down a bit. Then they discovered a small mud puddle. Well, that was it for Moped. He was covered head to tail in mud. Kris said he was like a little boy finding his first mud puddle. He would stick his whole face in the puddle to pull out toys. What a bozo.

I was wondering if he still makes his wookie sounds. I hope he does. All the trilling and chirping. I love his sounds. I know that his new family will love the sounds he makes, especially the little girl.

I'm so happy for Moped. I'm glad he's getting a good home. I'm sad that he is off to a new home and I might not know anything about him again, but I can live with that knowing I've done the right thing.

Goodbye, Moped. I will always love you, think of you and miss you. Be happy. Love, your mom.

Moped has been ADOPTED!!!

Moped has been ADOPTED!!! I was looking at his ad on Petfinder and it didn't say anything about being adopted. When I went back to the site just a few minutes later it read "I've been adoped from Petfinder.com" I thought, how strange, that wasn't there before. Then I realized that Moped may have been adopted! I quickly switched over to the GSP Rescue site and there it was 'Moped - ADOPTED!' I couldn't believe it. Talk about taking your breath away. I called and left Kris a message and asked her to call me back with any info she could give me about Moped's adoption. I told her that I'm so happy that Moped has a new home. I was worried that he would spend months down at the Rescue. It's not that I think it's a bad place, it's not, it's a great place. But just for my peace of mind, for my sanity, I needed him to get adopted. His letter and CD's will go with him. Now there is the wait on him, wondering if his new family will contact me. This could be it for me and Moped. Wow, I'm so shocked. So much has changed in just an instant. I can't wait to hear some information on Moped's adoption. Gosh, this is just so surprising!

Moped featured online

Moped

I was looking at puppies online, just for kicks, and a page came up with Moped listed as the first dog. It was cool to see him. He is so beautiful. If I were going to own a GSP I'd want him to be as beautiful as Moped or Skooter. I was looking at darker, ticked GSP's but I just love the liver and white, patched and ticked GSP. I'm glad that Moped is getting a lot of online time. Maybe that will get him a home soon. He's still pretty energetic and it may be a while before anyone wants to take him. Until then he'll be happy living down at the Rescue with the other GSP's.

I still feel guilty about giving them up. I'm not sure that feeling will ever go away, even though I know it's the right decision. There's just this crummy feeling in the pit of my stomach when I think that I actually gave them up. If I could take him back I would but this is no place for a GSP, especially one with as much energy as Moped. He is gorgeous though.

Sleeping the day away

I've slept a lot today because I can't face the sadness of a rainy day without Skooter and Moped. I usually love rainy days. They make me happy. But today that isn't the case. I could have been taking a nap on the couch with Skooter. Well, no, Moped wouldn't let me get away with that if he had to stay in his kennel. But I would nap with Skooter if I could.

When I have been awake today, I've been spending time researching GSP breeders here and in Kansas. There are quite a few of them. I'm not planning on getting another dog, I'm just window shopping. It makes me feel good to see GSP's. And there are some great ones out there. Some real cute puppies too. I think when I eventually get another GSP it will look different than Skooter and Moped. I like the look of a patched tan and white GSP and a dark, ticked GSP. I wouldn't want it to seem like I was replacing Skooter or Moped with a substitue dog. They can never be replaced. I can fall in love with another dog, but not right now. Somewhere way down the road.

The pet food supplier mistakenly delivered 25 pounds of dog food the week after the dogs left. I called and told them about the error. I said I would keep the food and donate it to the Rescue here in town. It still sits in the living room. I can't seem to get rid of it. I also have the last bowl of dog food still sitting out in the kitchen. I just don't want to throw it away. It's too symbolic of 'getting rid of them'. Just can't do it.

A rainy day

I had a dream about Skooter. He and I were up in the mountains hiking. Skooter was running all around, having a grand old time. He was even chasing butterflies. When I woke up, I must not have been fully awake, because I thought I heard Skooter bark. It startled me. When I woke up a bit more I realized I'd been dreaming and hearing things. Skooter isn't here to bark to wake me up, though I wish he was. It was so lovely being with him in the dream.

It's a rainy, cold windy day today. A day that Skooter will not enjoy. On days like this, he would stick his nose out the door and turn right back around and come in. He wasn't going out in that! I had to coax him out to go to the bathroom and he'd go as fast as he could and run back into the warmth of the house. I enjoyed knowing that he loved being in the house with me.

I wonder if it's raining down in Penrose today? If it is, most likely the dogs will stay in their kennels most of the day, only to be let out to go to the bathroom. And Skooter won't be happy about going out. :-) Maybe Kris will let the dogs in the house for a bit today. Skooter and Moped would love that (especially Skooter!). They have their saddle blankets in their kennel so they should stay dry and warm if it is raining. They love having a blanket in their kennel.

I don't know what it is about the weekend that makes me miss them so much more. I think it's because David is home and we'd spend more time together with the dogs, maybe taking them out for a ride. Skooter was so comfortable riding in the car. Lots of times he would fall asleep! Moped on the other hand was a terror in the car, always wanting to get into the front seats. I have a box that has their restraints and a seat cover in it. I haven't been able to open it or return it. It just sits there reminding me of them. Maybe I'll do something with it today.

Maybe not.

Having a hard time

I'm having a real hard time tonight. I want to call or email Kris to find out how the dogs are doing, but what's the point. It's not like they are doing a whole lot down there. The biggest deal for them is going to PetCo. I'm sure there's no real news today. Next weekend will be different. Skooter will be going to his new home on Saturday. At least I can get updates on Skooter if I want, but after next weekend, who knows. It's so hard not knowing whether the new owners will get in touch with me or not. I can understand if they don't, wanting to start new with Skooter, but I hope they read my letter and watch the videos. I want them to know how much I love him, that I didn't give him up willingly. Does he miss me? I keep thinking of Julia's story and know I've done the right thing, but it doesn't stop me from missing them.

I'm still seeing dogs everywhere. I can't believe how many commercials and shows have dogs on them. Even CNN.com had a story about a three month old dog that was a stow away on a cargo ship for six days. He was okay, just dehydrated. I'm sure lots of people will want to adopt him. He is very cute.

I got an email today from someone selling Mini Aussie pups. I wasn't even tempted. I sent them a thanks, but no thanks email. All I think about are GSP's. I want to get two of them some day and name them Harley and Vespa. I want to have them only if we have a different home, one with a huge fenced yard. I feel bad thinking about other dogs when my current dogs aren't even in their new homes yet, but I need to know that I'll have GSP's again one day. If I thought I'd never have one again, I think I would go crazy.

I know there are other people out there who feel like I do, who love their dogs like they are their children, who would be devastated with their loss. Misery loves company.

Pheasant dummy

I'm still coming across things in the house that belong to Skooter and Moped. I thought I had brought everything they owned down to the Rescue, but I hadn't. Today it was something as simple as going in a closet to get a broom and finding Skooter's pheasant dummy (it's a canvas covered roll that is doused with pheasant scent; it's used to teach the dog's how to hunt pheasants and retrieve them). It catches me off guard each time I find something. The other day I found Skooter's 'Spoiled Rotten' rug that I put his bowls on. It just stops me dead in my tracks to come across this stuff. I remember being in Kansas City at a pet store and buying the rug just for Skooter. I was so thrilled to find it. I also bought a magnetic note pad that has GSP's on it. It's still hanging on the fridge. I think I will always find something around that reminds me of them. They were such ann integral part of my life. I still have Skooter's tie out up. I haven't been able to take it down yet. The back yard was theirs, so it's hard to go out into the back yard. I can see them running around chasing each other or sunning on the deck. Sometimes I really want to be able to move out of this house so I can start over without memories of them all around. One day we will move to a place where we can have GSP's again. I don't want any other kind of dog. I'm hooked on GSP's. It'll be a while before we move though, so no dogs until then. I wonder what I'll run across next...

Torturing myself

Why do I do this? I spent my morning creating a DVD of Skooter and Moped. It's a slide show of thier pictures with a George Winston soundtrack. It was very touching to watch it. I started crying at one point. Seeing their pictures so big, on the TV, was a bit overwhelming. So, why do I do this to myself? Because I can't let go. There's no update on them today so I'm feeling empty. In eight days Skooter will be with his new family. What will I do once the updates stop? I want to continue the Dog Blog for as long as I'm able to, but at some point the updates will stop.

I will always love them and miss them. But I can't keep a blog going on those feelings only. There's got to be something to talk about. I'm afraid that at some point there will be nothing to say. That makes me sad.

This is the reason

Julia's story is the reason that I felt so much better yesterday, after having such a difficult afternoon. It's amazing what, knowing that you are not alone, can do for your spirits. It was exact-a-lac-ally what I needed to hear. Knowing that it comes from another GSP owner makes it even more helpful. God truly does work in mysterious ways, connecting people who have an entire ocean between them. My heart is full today. I know I have done the right thing. I know that I am not alone in this. I know that I have friends who know what I'm going through. That will keep my spirits high today.

More from Julia

Another message from Julia that tugged on my heartstrings:

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Hi Nettie –

Yes, it is hard but as the hurt gets less you will always have the knowledge that you have done such a very courageous thing. Better that than years of recrimination as I had, knowing that I had been selfish and cowardly. I’m sure things would have been different if I had done as you have – we would most certainly have had other dogs and you still have that option open to you in time. Of course, I have many, many happy memories of all the dogs and it is those that I focus on nowadays when I think of them.

Instead we went on to have three boys who strangely mirrored the temperaments of the dogs – we often joke that they were somehow reincarnated in our children! Our first is fun-loving, wears his heart on his sleeve and has remained ‘a puppy’ for most of his life, just like Freya. Our second is placid, easy-going and affectionate, like Elsa and our third was born a screaming ball of fury, had daily tantrums for most of his early years, needed constant attention just like Max. Now, if there had been a Rescue home for boys, he would have gone like a shot!

No I don’t at all mind you adding my story to your Blog. Sending you a hug across the ocean to help you through today. Julia

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Julia is from England. I admire her for sharing her story with me.

This truly touched my heart

This is a message I received from a forum that I just started posting on again. It is quite touching and made me cry. With permission, I share it with you.

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Hi Nettie - You wont know me as I rarely post but I remember you well and it's nice to see you back!

I have been reading your Dog Blog and thought you might be interested in my story, which is similar to yours but with a different ending. Some years ago, we too had GSPs - two bitches, Freya and Elsa and a dog, Max. All were different in temperament but all were scatty as you know GSPs to be. Unfortunately, as he grew up, it became apparent that Max’s temperament was suspect – he was highly strung and aggressive towards other dogs and he became too much for us to handle. We had two opportunities to let him go to a more suitable home. Freya had a litter of 10 puppies – well that’s another story – and we had to find homes for three, two that we couldn’t sell and one that was returned to us as his owner couldn’t cope with him. GSP Rescue took the first two and the third went to the RAF to be trained as a sniffer dog – again another story. The RAF were keen to take Max as well and we agreed as we knew he would have a good and fulfilling life and his temperament would be channeled in the right way. However, on the day they came to collect the dogs, I couldn’t let him go. GSP Rescue also offered to find him another home but I felt I would be betraying him, which was so shortsighted with hindsight.

The upshot was that we went on to have many years of misery with Max, much as we loved him. We could never let him off the lead if other dogs were about. He would cry with frustration as the girls ran free. We couldn’t take the girls out on their own as he would howl the place down if he was left behind. He would whine and bark constantly in the house or in the car so going out with or without him was traumatic. We all suffered – us, Freya and Elsa, the neighbours and most of all Max. How many times I regretted not letting him go when we had the chance, not just for our sakes but for his.

I so admire you for your bravery in doing the right thing for your dogs. I know how hard it must have been but I will always regret being too selfish and shortsighted to do what you did. We have never had another dog since our three passed away, all within a few years of each other. Once you have owned a GSP, no other breed will do but we could not chance the possibility of getting another Max. I am thinking of you as your grieve for Skooter and Moped and I hope that things start to get easier for you soon. Keep strong in the knowledge that you have absolutely done the right thing.

Julia

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And this is my response to Julia's heartfelt message:

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Dear Julia,

Your PM means the world to me and has brought tears to my eyes. It is so comforting to know I am not alone in this. I am sorry about what happened with Max. As you know, I really do understand. It's so hard to do the right thing because it hurts so much. But I know, deep in my heart, that keeping the dogs, being selfish, would just turn out to be a disaster. As much as I ache for them, I remind myself what wonderful lives they will have in thier new homes and somehow I get through this. I really do appreciate hearing your story. It has made today a whole lot easier to deal with. I thank you for sharing it with me.

Would you be okay with me adding your story to my blog? I really feel that it should be part of what happened in my day today. It has really impacted me greatly. If you don't want your story shared I will understand and will refer to it only in generic terms.

Thank you for remembering me and for thinking of me now. I know it takes time to read the blog and I appreciate you taking the time to read it and appreciate even more the time you took to respond. I hope in some way you can be helped by my story, if by nothing other than knowing that you are not alone. I treasure you.

Nettie

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I can't even begin to convey the feelings of gratitude I feel for Julia sharing her story with me and now you, too. I am humbled.

Skooter's post on the GSP Rescue site

Soon Skooter's post on the GSP Rescue site will be deleted because he has been adopted. It has been nice to be able to look at it when I want/need to. I hope that the new owners appreciate the letter I wrote, giving them Skooter's history, and the CD's that I made of their puppy pictures and videos. I hope that they can see that I still love Skoots and that I gave him up because it is what is best for him (and Moped too). It's hard not to feel bad about the whole situation.

Well, I'm falling asleep so I better stop writing. :-)

I feel so much better

I can't explain fully right now what has happened but I have been impacted in a great way today and it has had a positive effect on me. I know I have done the right thing by bringing the dogs to the Rescue so that they can be in better homes. I love them enough to do what is best for them, no mattter how much it hurts me. I am not alone in this. That is comforting.

Dogs everywhere

It seems that now that I don't have the dogs anymore, I see dogs everywhere. I see them on the streets, in tv commercials and shows, in cars and in movies. It's like everyone has a dog but me. :-( I'm just always going to miss them and will feel bad if I ever get another dog. If I can't have them, I shouldn't have a dog at all. I think about how some day we might be able to get a house with a much bigger yard out east maybe. And I think about having GSP's. But I want MY GSP's back. I don't want other GSP's. I'm crying right now and I don't really even know why. I guess I just miss them. When I came home today from being out, I wanted them to be here. I know they aren't here, but I needed them to be here for me. Coming in that door and not having them here to be thrilled that I'm home, is very difficult. I don't know why I'm so upset right now. Maybe the reality of Skooter going to another family is setting in. I don't own him anymore, that family has already adopted him. I ache for him. It hurts that he's not here. David says that we can go and get Moped if I want, but it's Skooter that I'm missing. I couldn't get one and not the other anyway. And I don't think that Kris would let us have him back. We're not an appropriate family for them. I really miss having my dogs. :-(

I feel like I resent the cats because they are so happy and content without the dogs. I love my cats and they bring me great joy and they are getting me through this difficult time, but I also resent them. Having cats is okay but it's nothing like having a dog. They just don't need as much as a dog does. They are more independent and don't need me as much as Skooter and Moped did.

I've lost so much over the last year and a half and to have the loss continue with the adoption of the dogs is almost too much to bear. Losing them is the worst loss of all.

"Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read."

-Groucho Marx

DOG PROPERTY LAWS

1. If I like it, it's mine.
2. If it's in my mouth, it's mine.
3. If I can take it from you, it's mine.
4. If I had it a little while ago, it's mine.
5. If it's mine, it must never appear to be yours in any way.
6. If I'm chewing something up, all the pieces are mine.
7. If it just looks like mine, it's mine.
8. If I saw it first, it's mine.
9. If you are playing with something and you put it down, it automatically becomes mine.
10. If it's broken, it's yours.

New names?

I wonder if the new owners will change the dog's names, especially Moped's. It's quite an unusual name, very quirky. Skooter has had his name long enough that he needs to keep it I believe. Moped, too. It would be wierd for me if they renamed my dogs.

I'm still holding out hope that the new owners will keep in touch with me and let me know how the dogs are doing once in a while and maybe even send a picture or two. I know that's realistically asking for a lot, but a girl can hope.

I had my own blog...

THE DOGS WHO HAVE SHARED OUR LIVES

The dogs who've shared our lives.
In subtle ways they let us know their spirit still survives.
Old habits still make us think we hear a barking at the door.
Or step back when we drop a tasty morsel on the floor.
Our feet still go around the place
the food dish used to be,
And, sometime, coming home at night,
we miss them terribly.
And although time may bring new friends
and a new food dish to fill,
That one place in our hearts
belongs to them...and, always will.

---Linda Barnes ---

A dog saying...

" ... work can wait another 30 minutes. There are more important things to do. Like throwing sticks." - anonymous

I Thought of You

I thought of you a million times today,
Thoughts of you won't stay away;
I think of you the way you used to be,
And wonder if you ever think of me.

I know you're now safer than when you were here,
But that doesn't make it easier to keep your memory near;
And someday I'll kiss your head again,
But for now I'll concentrate on letting good thoughts in.

I miss you more than you could know,
And wish you hadn't had to go;
'Cause you were what gave me my special radiance,
Without a word, you were my best friend.

- Renee Wood

A quote from Andy Rooney

The average dog is a nicer person than the average person. -Andy Rooney

Finally figured it out

I've been trying to figure out what sound it was that I've been missing since the dogs have left. And with the help of Chris' blog I figured it out. I miss the sound of their tags clinking on their collars. That was an everpresent sound that filled the house (and warned the cats!). I miss all of their sounds, but I miss the sound of the clinking tags the most. As Chris says in her blog, there is no balance without cat AND dog sounds in a house. Right now we are out of balance.

A poignant bumper sticker

An update from Kris (RM GSP Rescue)

Well, Skooter seems to have won the lottery in the family that has chosen him. It is a mom, dad and two boys, 16 and 11. They live in the suburbs of Denver and they have a large yard with a six foot fence. Skooter will also have supervised run of the house (he's still a bit mouthy). I think the dad works at home a few days a week and the mom works outside the home. So, on the days that both mom and dad are at work, Skooter will go to Doggy Day Care. The dad jogs once in a while and plans to work Skooter up to the distance he is running.

When they went to look at Moped and Skooter, they were right down there on the ground with them, playing with them. This family has just lost a dalmation that they had into it's teen years. The dalmation has an energy level like a pointer, so they should be able to care for Skooter's needs far better than I ever could. They will take their spring break vacation next week and when they return, landing in Colorado Springs, they will head down to Penrose to pick Skooter up and bring him to his new, wonderful home. I asked Kris to make sure that Skooter's tug-a-jug goes home with him and she said she would do that. This sounds like it will be a great home for Skooter. I am happy for him.

Kris also said that the family looked at Moped too but he is still too much puppy for them to handle. And he is! But there is a family up in the mountains that is looking for another GSP, a young one, to add to their family and Kris thinks Moped could be their boy. We'll have to wait for the snow to melt up in the mountains before the family can come down and take a look at Moped. I told Kris that I don't worry so much about Moped being at the Rescue because he is happy whereever he is and seems to enjoy his environment very much. It was Skooter I was concerned about because he is more sensitive than Moped and is more of a people person. So I'm glad that Skooter got a home first. Kris and I both agree that they will do fine being separated.

Kris told me that Skooter still loves basking in the sun and will sometimes be interruped by Moped jumping on him. He's not too thrilled when that happens. But Skooter has found a favorite spot in Kris' back yard and will sleep in the sun (until Moped bothers him!).

Kris said the dogs are doing well not pulling on the leash and they are well behaved. She said I did an awesome job laying the foundation for Skooter and Moped. That made me feel really good. Skooter went to PetCo on Sunday and was very sociable and went up to anyone who would give him a treat and would sit when asked to. Kris said that they are beautiful dogs, so white and clean. And when they get groomed at PetCo, they behave and let the groomers do their jobs.

So it was a great report from Kris and it makes me feel happy and proud to hear how my boys are doing. I am very pleased.

This post sums up how I feel

The Sounds of Silence - Life Without a Dog

I was watching a movie the other day and found myself caught up in the score – the music that pulls all the pieces of the film into a cohesive package for me. Having a musical background I guess it is understandable that I would engage with the universe through my auditory senses....I HEAR the world.

I always said I would have made the worst private detective – I could step over the evidence and never see it! But I seem to be able to hear sounds even if they are very soft or far away - the bird singing off in the distance, the clock ticking two floors down....and those magical voices that come at any hour of the day or night, giving me tidbits of stories that must be written down.

It is no wonder that one of the first things I told people after I lost my dog, Jake, was how quiet my home had become. I didn’t realize how many sounds a dog makes. The sound of his collar rattling when he would shake his head, the sound of him barreling through the dog door, the excited squeals when I said those magic words “Go for a ride?” – they are all gone now. The absence of the night time sounds is particularly hard on the heart – no more quiet breathing, no more loud snoring, and no more barks and dancing paws as he runs with his friends in the world of dreams.

But.....I am now able to hear the precious sounds my four cats make! Instead of a loud bark I hear soft whispers, meows, purrs and trills. From some far off place in the house I hear the squeaking of a cat toy being wrestled with....or a CAT being wrestled with! There’s the scraping in the litter boxes, the clawing on the scratching posts, and the silent but telepathically LOUD sound of a cat sitting in front of an empty food bowl, willing me from three rooms away to come fill it.

It is becoming clear that for me to have peace with the audible part of my life I must have both cat sounds AND dog sounds....for I am out of balance.

Chris
posted by Christine Davis at 2:30 PM

A comment from across the pond

I've just read you wonderful blog Nettie. My heart goes out to you but I think you made the right decision. Your lovely dogs will never forget you and to give them away to another loving home takes bravery. Your decision to let them go must have taken so much soul searching but you know in your heart it was the best thing for them. LADY LESLEY

And my response:

Thank you for those heartfelt words. You can't imagine how much it means to me for you to say that I've made the right decision. I do know in my heart that I have, but it doesn't stop me from loving them and missing them. Comments like yours do make it a bit easier though, so thank you. Nettie

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It is comments like this that get me through this difficult time. It means the world to me to know that someone has read the Dog Blog and thinks I've done the right thing. It did take a lot of soul searching and making the best decision for the dogs wasn't easy. But I do know in my heart that it is the best thing I could have done for them.

Almost, but not quite

I didn't post at all yesterday. I was doing my best to NOT think about Skooter and Mooped. But I had to have something to fill the hole that is in my heart, something to fill the void left by Skooter and Moped's leaving. I couldn't just stop thinking about them, I had to find a distraction. And I found one.

I spent the entire day yesterday tracking down available puppies for sale. I talked to people in California and in Kansas City. I emailed with people in Ohio and Indiana. I was all over the place. I received telephone calls telling me about how wonderful the puppies were, and they were, and emails of pictures to prove what sweet darlings all of them are. I actually, in one day, had it narrowed down to tow puppies, the one in Kansas City (10 weeks old) and the one in California (four months old)

When lightning strikes me I move at a blazing speed. Nothing or no one will get in my way once I have an idea in my head. And if the idea is getting another dog, all the more effort I will put into it because I'm missing Skooter and Moped so much and don't want to deal with it. I hadn't really put any thought into what would happen once I got another dog, I just needed to convince myself that getting another dog would ease my pain.

But once I had 'settled' on a pup, I was plagued by second thoughts. Was it right to get another dog when I just gave two perfectly good dogs up for adoption? Would I end up surrendering this dog too because I'd make a poor and hasty decision? Was getting a TFT a good idea to begin with? Toy breeds are more fragile than regular breeds. Could I deal with having a fragile dog? Did I really want to subject myself to the kind of stress I felt when I had Skooter and Moped (and I dearly love them!)? Were we picking the right breed and dog for us? So many damn quesions. But they had to be answered and answered quickly. If I was going to make a decision, and that was the path I had put myself on, I needed to make it quickly.

I decided against the TFT. There were too many issues that I could forsee with a toy breed. The puppies being offered were wonderful and cute as buttons, but that didn't change the fact that they were a toy breed and there are inherient issues with getting a toy breed (they are fragile, they have to be watched carefully, they have to be watched closely when around other, bigger dogs, and a hawk or an owl could literally swoop down and pick them up as a meal! These were just a few of the things that I considered. In the end, as cute as the dogs are and as wonderful as they appear, I had to decide against a TFT. It just didn't feel right. There was something getting in the way.

So next I turned my attention to chocolate lab puppies. I got the newspaper out and had David look up all the chocolate lab ads. It was 9:30 at night so I couldn't make any phone calls to check out puppies. And thank goodness it was late and I couldn't call. Had I called, I may have decided on a puppy on the spur of the moment, forgetting that I need to get any puppy we're thinking of temperament tested.

That's when some realizations hit me. How would I feel bringing another dog into the family so soon after surrendering Skooter and Moped? What would people think, and rightly so, about me getting another puppy go quickly? Was I setting myself up for another loss? Did I really want a puppy or just something to fill the void left by Skooter and Moped? Wasn't I being rather hasty about such a huge decision? Wasn't I going back on what I had said I would do if I got another dog (temperament testing)? Why was I moving so fast on all of this? Why couldn't I breathe and what was causing my massive headache?

I had looked at the TFT and I had looked at the lab puppies. They were equally attractive. But something just didn't feel right. I realized I was making a decision based on desperation. Not a good way to feel when making an important decision. And not a good reason to get a puppy. So, I talked it out with David's help and realized that what I was doing was trying to fill the void left by Skooter and Moped. I was also trying to keep the chaos in my life going. It's been a rough year and a half and it has been very chaotic. I was just trying to keep the drama going. I was just trying to distract myself. I didn't really want another dog, I just didn't want to feel how much I miss Skooter and Moped.

So, with David's help, I was able to come to the conclusion that getting a dog right now is not a good idea. David didn't convince me, he just let me talk it out and figure it out for myself. I had too many second thoughts about getting another puppy. I was filled more with dread than with excitement. And the most important thing: It would not keep me from missing and loving Skooter and Moped. I was not making a rational decision. I was making a hasty decision based on fear. Fear of feeling my feelings about Skooter and Moped. Fear of feeling the loss that I feel about Skooter and Moped. It didn't take too long to figure out that I would have made another terrible mistake.

As hard as it was, I had to tell myself that getting a puppy right now to fill the void left by Skooter and Moped was not a good idea at all. I would have been getting a puppy for all the wrong reasons, selfish reasons. So I made the difficult decision to not get another puppy. I emailed the ladies I had talked to in Californai and Kansas City and told them that we weren't ready for another puppy at this poiint. I almost instantly felt relief. I knew I had made the right decision. I was disappointed that I wouldn't be adding another member to the family, but I knew that trying to replace Skooter and Moped was silly. Just plain silly.

It was late and I couldn't call either lady, so I sent emails to let them know what we had decided. I needed to bring closure to this battle with desperation. And clicking on the 'send' button did just that, brought closure. Closure to making a bad decision not about missing Skooter and Moped. That was still there underneath the frenzy I had created. I am still missing them and grieving over their loss.

After hitting that 'send' button I felt less chaos and less panic. I was doing the right thing. There is nothing wrong with missing Skooter and Moped. I am entitiled to my feelings about the loss. And I need to feel the loss and deal with the effects. I need to work my way through this, not around it. Getting another puppy was my attempt at getting around having to miss Skooter and Moped.

I am smack dab in the middle of the grief process and i don't need any distractions. I need to feel all the different feelings associated with grief so that I can properly move on in my life. But I'm not quite ready to move on without Skooter and Moped just yet. They are still on my mind daily. It's only been three and a half weeks. What's my rush?

So, no new puppy. Almost, but not quite. No avoiding the grief I feel over having to give up my dogs to allow them to have a better life. No distractions. I am going to deal head on with the issues that I am wrangling with. Did I do the right thing by letting Skooter and Moped go? Will there new homes be loving and caring? Will they be happy? Those are some very heavy questions to have to deal with. But I'm ready to do it and okay with doing it.

In conclusion, getting another dog would just be a mistake. Feelng the loss and sadness about Skooter and Moped is okay. It is appropriate. And I need to deal with it. There's nothing wrong with missing my boys.

(It's 4:30 in the morning, so who knows what I've just written. I hope it makes sense and doesn't have too many typos, but I'm too tired to check the whole thing! It is what it is: a middle of the night rant.)

I think I'm in shock!

I just wasn't expecting Skooter to get adopted today! He won't go to his new home for two weeks and that is helpful to me. It'll give me time to get used to the fact that he has a new family. I'm not crying. I'm thrilled for Skooter and I'm grateful to Kris for finding him a home so quickly. His family must be really nice. They are taking a family vacation in the islands for two weeks. They'll pick up Skooter on March 31, 2007.

I hope that Moped will get a home soon. I hope he's not too wild to get a new family. Skooter can at least settle down. Moped never settles down until he absolutely has to. He's a bundle of energy. The nice thing though is that even if Moped is not adopted right away, he has a great home living with Kris at the Rescue. I know he loves it there. He'll miss having so many dogs around. It's been like Doggy Day Care for him every day! :-)

I wonder if Skooter went to the Cherry Creek family? I wonder what they thought of him? I wonder what they'll think of my letter and the CD's (pictures and videos)? I hope they can see how much I love Skooter and that I wish him well with his new family.

March 18, 2007

Skooter - Adopted!

- RM GSP Rescue web site

Skooter got adopted today! (from Kris @ GSP Rescue)

Skooter got adopted today! Though he doesn't leave for another two weeks, as his new family is taking a vacation in the islands over spring break - so, Skooter will be in his new home March 31! I'll call you and give you more details on his new family - I'll probably call tomorrow sometime.

Kris

Letting go

I feel that a part of me has let go of the dogs today. I'm not sure why I feel this way. I just do. I feel calmer about them. I think spending so much of my day yesterday on 'waiting' showed me that I need to let go. I'm not doing anybody any good by hanging on to dogs that I don't even own anymore. And that's the truth that I need to latch onto: I DO NOT own Skooter and Moped anymore. I surrendered them to the Rescue. I still love them and miss them, but they are no longer my dogs. They belong to Kris right now. And then one day the will have new owners. They will move on with their lives. And I should do the same. I'm not saying that I'm never going to cry about them again. I'm sure I will. But I need to stop hanging on. I will continue the Dog Blog because there is still a lot to say about them. But I need to stop checking out the GSP site so many times every day. I really need to let go, for my sanity. Whatever happens now will happen without me interfering. I'm not going to email Kris. I'm not going to hope that the new owners will contact me. I am going to let them go. It is a decision that I have made. My mind is ready to let go of them. My heart is still hanging on. The loss is fresh, so I can't expect to just forget all about them already. I need to give myself as much time as I need to grieve over the loss. And no matter what anyone says, this is a huge loss. My day to day life with them has ended. I feel empty knowing that. There is a void in me that nothing else will ever fill. They cannot be replaced.

I look at other dogs and think of how great it would be to have another dog, but I'm afraid to think of getting another dog. Will I be able to hold on to it? Will I have to give it up because I've made another bad choice? These are things I need to think about. Getting another dog is no easy decision.

I hope Skooter and Moped are enjoying the day today. It's seventy degrees out. They must be loving this weather. I want the best for them, I really do.

Maybe a new picture for Skooter

I sent in some pictures to Kris to see if she'd change Skooter's photo on the GSP Rescue site. David thinks that the picture on there makes Skooter look sad. I agree. I sent the picture in the post below this one and three others. Maybe she'll change it, maybe she won't.

Samantha's Prince of the Prairie

What a beautiful German Shorthaired Pointer Skooter is!

Middle of the night thougts

It's the middle of the night and again I'm up. No dogs, but I'm up. :-) My body can't seem to get used to them being gone. The thought is in here 'what was I thinking giving up my dogs, my beautifull dogs, my sweet dogs?'. What on earth makes me think that I'll ever be able to 'replace' them with another dog? Even though the circumstances weren't perfect, they were perfect. I could have spent more time with them, training them, exercising their bodies and their minds. But instead I gave in and gave up. I eliminated them from my daily life. Or so I thought. The kicker is that they still are in my daily life. They are in my thoughts constantly. I'm still working my life around them right now. I'm hooked to this computer waiting to see the words 'adoption pending' or 'adopted' next to their names. We're the homes not good enough for them? Did the families reject my dogs? All the stupid things that I think in the middle of the night. I assumed that my dogs would be aopted quickly because they are so beautiful and sweet, but I need to remember that have their issues too. I'm sure Moped still has more energy than he can expend or control. He needs constant stimulation, both mentally and physically. Skooter is a bit more low key. He at least can take a good nap now and again and enjoy laying in the sun. That's probably the only time Moped settles down is when he is laying in the sun. It's such a peaceful sight to see them lying there, warm and content. But then content turns into chaos. They run around the house, Skooter jumps the fence, Moped grabs everything he can get his mouth on, and the calm is over, the storm has begun. At least down at the Rescue they are expending way more energy and are able to come in the house and try to be good. I'm sure Skooter is at the point where he can come in the house and within a short amount of time be laying down. Moped on the other hand, I think, is still a wild man in the house. Maybe he's calming down a little. Maybe the family came and looked at him and didn't want him. Maybe the home visit didn't work on well on Friday. Maybe the home visit for Skooter never took place or was rescheduled and the family for Moped wasn't able to make it yesterday. There's no telling what has happened. I can't expect Kris, with her incredibly busy schedule, to stop every day and give me updates on dogs that I've surrendered. I may have surrendered them physically, but I have not surrendered them in my heart. :-( Nonetheless, I need them to get adopted so I don't feel like a failure with them, you know, I did such a bad job with them that no one wants them. I have such incredibly mixed emotions. I want them to get adopted but when they do I will be devastated and sad. I need to let go but I hang on ever tighter. I'm too much in the middle of this. I need to stop checking the Rescue site every hour and I need to stop checking the Dog Blog too. i need to take some time and deal with MY life! I'm going to try today to stay away from the computer or at least not look up stuff on the dogs. I need to give it a rest. I need rest. My dogs are okay wher ethey are. And they will be happy whenever they find and adkjust to a new home.

So, those are my thoughts in the middle of the night. Pretty scary, huh?

(not checked for typig, speling, and it ain't checked for grammer neithere!)

Nothing yet

No word from Kris today. Maybe nothing has happened with the dogs yet.

I can't stop thinking about whether dogs can remember their former owners or not. Have they already forgotten me? Would they be happy to see me? What about a year from now? I need to stop thinking about this stuff. I'm going to drive myself crazy(er)!

Waiting

I'm spending the day waiting to see if Moped gets adopted. One of the other dogs was adopted today (his name is Gus). Congratulations to Kris for getting him a home. And an adoption is pending on Sage. I hope that works out. I sent Kris an email the other day and asked if she would take some pictures of the dogs before they left the Rescue. Maybe she hasn't checked her email yet or maybe she's waiting to answere once she knows what's going on with Moped. I don't know. I can't stop wondering what's going on. Maybe nothing is going on and I should just relax! So I sit here, waiting.

Moped

Today a family will go down to Penrose, to the GSP Rescue, and see if Moped is a good match for their family. Kris will interview them and see if they would be an appropriate family for Moped. I think there's a chance that he could go home with them today. I might lose him forever today. If he goes today, I hope Kris sends all of his stuff with him, his kennel, his toys, his picture CD's and the letter to the new owners. I feel kind of numb right now, not knowing what to expect today. I'll be thrilled for Moped if he gets a new family, especially this family, but I'll be sad for me. We'll see what happens today.

Say cheese!

I found this picture of Skooter smiling. I was extremely happy to find it. :-)

Skooter and Aspen

Bluer than blue

Should I just let go of Skooter and Moped? Would it be better and easier if I just let go right now? How do I let go of something I love so much? Which is worse: the stress they caused when they were here or the sadness of them not being here? All I know is that I am sad.

"Bluer than Blue"

After you go
I can catch up on my reading
After you go
I'll have a lot more time for sleeping
And when you're gone
Looks like things are gonna be a lot easier
Life will be a breeze you know
I really should be glad
But I'm bluer than blue
Sadder than sad
You're the only light
This empty room has ever had
Life without you is gonna be
Bluer than blue
Bluer than blue...

These lyrics really express how I feel right now. Some people might think it's silly to feel so strongly about dogs, just dogs, but to me they are more than dogs. They were my companions. I spent more time with them than I did with anyone else. Their sounds filled up my home. Now my home seems so empty, so quiet. I will get used to the quiet and I will eventually enjoy the new found freedom I have, but for right now I am content with being sad. It seems appropriate. And even if it's not appropriate, it's how I feel.
- Michael Johson

There are so many things...

that I want to tell Skooter and Moped's new owners. Stuff I forgot to put in the letter. I'm trying to put all of it down in the Dog Blog so I can refer them to it. I don't know if they'll want a lot of history. They may want to start fresh with the dog. If nothing else Kris should hear from them once a year and I could ask her to forward that on to me. There are so many things I wish I had done with Skooter and Moped and regret not doing. I should have taken more pictures and videos. I definitely should have had pictures and videos of me and the dogs! I should have spent more time saying goodbye to them. I should have brought the camera to get some last pictures. David wishes he could have hunted pheasants with them. I would have liked to do that too. So many things...

We've talked more about getting another dog and we keep leaning toward the TFT. But I just can't get a dog right now. I'm still too emotional about re-homing Skooter and Moped. It will be nice to have a dog again, but just not right now.

If I had known that that Saturday would be the last night we had with them, I would have let them sleep in the bedroom with us. I would have fed them canned food for dinner. I would have taken time to go through all their stuff to sort it between dogs instead of just dumping it all in bags. So many things...

If I had known how quiet the house was going to be I would have recorded them so I could play it back when I needed to hear them. If I had known that having all this free time would suck, I would have done something different. If I had known that giving them up would have been so hard, I might have decided to be selfish and keep them. But I love them too much to be selfish. I love them enough to let them get better homes. I hope that their new owners will know, if nothing else, how much I love them still and that I did not WANT to give them up, I had to give them up. The yard was too small. We didn't have the respect from them that we needed. We couldn't offer them the amount of exercise they needed to not be bored. So many things...

But I will think of the things that make me smile like Skooter being Mr. Wiggles and Moped dancing with Skooter. I'll think about them both and their crooked smiles. I'll remember napping with Skooter and sitting on the floor with Moped after he was fixed. It was the most calm he ever was. It was a beautiful time. I'll see Skooter jumping over the fence like it was an agility competition. He flew so gracefully. I will remember Skooter hogging the bed when he slept with us by sleeping with all four of his legs sticking straight out! I'll think of Skooter sleeping against David's chest. So many things...

Skooter and his blankie

Skooter loves to lay down on a soft blanket on the couch or on the floor to take his nap. His kennel blanket isn't soft enough for nap time. He'll need a softer blanket for that.

Going for a ride

Skooter loves to ride in the car and he's really relaxed about it. He usually sits or lies down and most ofen he will fall asleep. He hasn't spent much time at the window poking his head out into the wind. But Moped, he LOVES the wind in his face. I'm sure he's improving his riding skills and is doing better in the car. Skooter is no problem. He loves to go for rides. Sometimes Skooter is timid when jumping up in the vehicle. It's not that he can't make the jump (proved by his ability to jump over the fence!) he just gets excited. Moped doesn't seem to know he can jump up into the vehicle. Maybe by now, they both are better at that since they are going out occaisionally to the PetCo 'to shop' :-) I hope thier new families will take them with them wherever they go. I think they would both do okay waiting in the car. It would be more fun that being in a kennel. So much more to watch and sniff.

The new puppy

I already have the new puppy's name picked out: Harley (you know, Skooter, Moped, Harley - as in Davidson, get it? Got it. Good.) And the AKC name would be 'Samantha's Prince of the Peak'. Right now I think I will wait on a dog from Barb up in Denver. It may be six months but I can use that time to get used to not having Skooter and Moped around and enjoy my new found freedom for a while. That's the plan anyway. Who knows, it could all change if I see a puppy sooner that appeals to me. I just don't want to take the chance with shipping the dog. I'd rather be able to go up to Denver to pick up our puppy personally. I'd like to have a picture of him at birth and every week thereafter until we take him home with us. I'm sure Barb would do that. I don't know how soon after the birth we'd be able to pick out our puppy. I wonder what is the best age to do that? They need to develop some I would think, but we may have to pick him out at birth! I'm sure they'll all get spoken for quickly. I've included a picture of a TFT so you can see what it is that I'm talking about.

Email to Kris

This is the email that I just sent to Kris:

Kris,

Thanks for calling to let me know that you received the check and the new family packet. I think it's important for the new family to have each dog's history and 'baby' pictures and videos. Thanks for passing that stuff along to them.

I'm curious: do you take Skooter with you on the home visit? If so, I'd love to know how he does with the prospective new owners. And please let me know how Moped does with his prospective new family on Saturday. Where does his interested family live?

Would you be able to take a couple of pictures of them before they leave the Rescue and email them to me? I'd love to have some pictures of them playing or romping around. If you're not able to, that's okay, just thought I'd ask. I know how busy you are.

I wish you continued success with the Rescue and I will try to send a donation every once in a while to help out. If I win the lottery you'll be on my list of charities to give to . (Guess my odds of winning would increase if I bought a ticket though, huh! .)

You don't have to get back to me right away on this email. I know you'll be busy over the next few days. Look forward to hearing from you whenever you have the time.

Sincerely,

Samantha

I love them enough to have given them up

Today, Kris could be meeting Skooter's new owners and tomorrow Moped might be headed home with his new owners. It's all happening so fast. It's what I want for them, to find a forever home, but it's hard nonetheless. I wonder if they'll really be better off with their new families? I wonder if it will work out for Skooter and Moped? I want them to adjust to their new homes quickly. I want them to be happy. I want them to be in better homes than I could have provided for them. They need to be free, out of their kennels. They need lots of exercise. I think I'll ask Kris if she'll send me a couple of pictures of them before they leave the Rescue. I wonder if the new families will contact me? I pray that they do. I'd like to ask them if they could keep me in the loop on the dogs every six months or so. Maybe a quick email and a picture. I did not give these dogs up willingly. I gave them up because it was the best thing for them. I don't want to let go. Not just yet. It still hurts too much. I will always miss them and wonder what they are up to. I want these families to be as committed to Skooter and Moped as I was, willing to put in all the time, effort and money it would take to make that happen.

I wonder if Skooter goes on the home visit today or if it's just Kris? I wonder if she wants to see how Skooter will react to his new people and his new surroundings? And it would give the family a chance to meet Skooter and see how beautiful he is. I'm sure he'll be shy at first, but he'll warm up quickly. I'd like to know how the home visit went if Skooter got to go.

And Moped, he could be in his new home tomorrow. I wonder how Moped will behave with the new people? He gets so excited about everything. He's love the kids. I hope he is ready to show them that he is a good dog and would be a good choice for adoption. How can they not love Moped once they see how beautiful he is? If they want a playful, happy-go-lucky dog, then Moped is their boy!

This is all so scary. Being without them, having them go to new homes is difficult. But it could be made easier if the new families choose to contact me. But I will understand if they feel the need to have me let go of the dog completely. I hope for an open adoption. But if not, I hope they appreciate thier pictures and their videos. I hope they are okay with the letters I wrote about each dog's history. I want them to know how much I love them - enough to give them up! It takes a lot of love to let go. But I can do it knowing that it's what is best for Skooter and Moped.

I hope they'll keep the dog's names. I know sometimes people change the dogs name, but I truly hope that they will keep thier names. They ARE Skooter and Moped! It's difficult because so much is out of my hands now.

Not right now

I've been researching getting another dog, a toy fox terrier puppy. But I just watched the videos of the dogs and it brought tears to my eyes. Soon they will be with other owners. Yes, owners. I do not own them anymore. I miss them terribly. I'll never be able to see snow drifts without thinking about them playing in them. This house reminds me so much of them. I'm doing the right thing, I know I am, but it doesn't stop me from missing them. It doesn't stop me from being sad. I look at other dogs and see how cute they are, but I compare them to Skooter and Moped and they don't measure up. I just couldn't get another dog. Not right now.

Ice cubes

I'm talking to Lynn and she was getting some ice. Her cat wanted some and she told him he didn't want any. That reminded me that Skooter and Moped love ice cubes. Whenever David would get some ice he'd have to get a few extra cubes for the dogs. He'd give each of them a cube and they would just chomp on it. What a happy memory. I'd like their owners to know they like ice cubes. Sometimes I would give them an ice cube as a treat. They always enjoyed that.