It's the weekend again and I'm missing my pets. I feel bad that I didn't follow up on the cats. I just don't want to know if they were put to sleep. I pray that they were able to get homes. I still have all of them on my screen saver. I need to change that. I'm glad that I re-homed them all but I miss them nonetheless. I got rid of the box of Meaty Bones that has sat in the cupboard. I need to get all the pet stuff put on craigslist and get it out of the house. I'm definitely procrastinating on doing that.

David was diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes this past week so giving up the pets is a good thing. He can't take a chance on getting scratched because of the diabetes and the cellulitis too. It'll probably keep up from getting a pet in the future but that's okay. I'm happy without pets even though I miss the ones I had.

Lynn sent me a beautiful story about an old man and a GSP. It made me tear up. GSP's are the best!

Passion

Last night I went out to the USCS Talent Show. It was awesome! The kids are very talented. Anyway, I realized that I didn't have to rush home to let the dogs out. It kind of made me sad to think that they are no longer my girls. And when I turned the corner into the community I looked over at the back door like I always would do when Huxley and Blitz were here. But it's when I pull into the garage that I have the biggest pang of missing them. I was so used to going into the house and saying hello and having happy pets there to greet me. I even missed the cats last night. Yesterday I kept thinkin that I heard Paulie. Once in a while I would check the living room window where Paulie and Minnie would sit to sun bathe. I haven't called the HS because I don't want to know what happened to them. They may still be there for all I know. David and I are still looking at dogs on craigslist. He finds them and then shares them with me. Some of them have been good looking dogs but I don't want to make any decisions for at least a year on pets. I think by then I'll be settled without them.

Lisa made a great suggestion last night - I should journal all the reasons that it was difficult having the pets so I don't 'forget' and get other pets. There were lots of things that just didn't work for me. Some examples are: always having to get up to let the dogs in and out, not sleeping through the night because Huxley and Blitz are hogging the bed, having to clean up the backyard and the kitty litter box, the carpet getting ruined, cat and dog hair all over everything, David's allergies to the pets, the chance of him getting cellulitis from being scratched and not being able to go away for very long because the dogs needed company. Oh, and lets not forget about the dogs getting into the trash and chewing on things. Again, they weren't bad dogs, they were just bored dogs. And that was our fault. Scooter and Moped were really bored because they were puppies. They need a ton more activity than we were providing for them. Oh well, what's done is done. It really is okay that they are all gone. I'm sad but I'm also glad. I'm not just the doggy door keeper anymore.

I'm still having trouble putting things into my day. I have so much time now that I don't have pets. And freedom. I have lots of freedom. I'm still trying to figure out what I have a passion for besides pets, that is. ;) I'm finding myself a little bit more each day. It's not an easy process. I didn't just go from owning cats and dogs to being, what? Who am I supposed to be now that I'm not the doggy door keeper?

Well, it's almost 7am so I'm going to go back to bed for a while.

Minnie and Paulie are gone

I brought them to the Humane Society on Friday. It's taken me a couple of days to post about it because it bothered me more than I thought it would. I thought it would be hard to get them into the travel kennel but they went in without much difficulty. The ride to the HS seemed very long. It is across town, but it seemed longer because it was such a sad drive. They meowed most of the way. The don't like being in the kennel and they sure don't like being in the car. They settled down when we got to the HS. I was really sad answering all the questions. The lady who checked us in told me that Minnie and Paulie would have a good chance of getting a home because they are fixed and are declawed (fronts only). That gave me some hope. I cried when I left. I had them keep the kennel because I couldn't leave with it empty. It would have been too hard. And it was a long ride home too. But I was able to do what needed to be done. David is allergic to cats and dogs so having them is not a good idea. I miss all of them though. I think about Huxley and Blitz often and I obviously still think about Minnie and Paulie. I keep thinking that I hear them or feel them on my legs. It makes me sad to know that they are not there.

But, on the positive side, all the doors are open in the house. I don't have to shut off all the rooms from the cats. It seems so much brighter in here. And it's definitely more open. I was able to vacuum without dodging all the animals. It was a lot quicker. The carpet still looks like crap but that will change when we can afford the new carpet.

I do feel kind of lonely because David is out golfing with the guys and there aren't any animals to keep me company. There is just so much more time in my day (sometimes that's good, sometimes that's bad) and such freedom in not having pets. I don't feel tied to my chair because the cats are on me or because I have to let the dogs in and out. There's definitely a down side though. The sadness in moments is overwhelming. Thankfully it's only for moments.

I keep picturing Minnie and Paulie in cages. I know they are not capable of hating me, but I guess I'm feeling guilty for having them for so long, almost 8 years, and now giving them up. It was $30 to surrender them. It wasn't an easy decision. I almost turned around and went home a whole bunch of times. But I knew that it would be a positive, albeit sad, event.

I feel like crying right now. It's just the sadness coming over me like a wave. I'm glad it's just a small wave. The sadness with the dogs was at points overwhelming and I felt like I was falling apart. But I just tell myself that the dogs are in a great home and I look at the picture of them playing with the squirrels and I know I've done the right thing.

I still check the Rescue web site. Habit I guess. There was an older pair of GSP's (Mack and Sable) and they were the same colors as Huxley and Blitz. That was hard. But I'm just going to be glad that Kris is doing the job that she is doing and getting these beautiful animals new homes.

Yesterday we went for a ride over to the Garden of the Gods. It was almost 70 degrees out. I couldn't believe how many people I saw with their dogs. I mean, there were just tons of them on the way there, in the park and on the way home. When I see people with their dogs I think about all the effort it takes to have a dog. I also think about missing them being with me.

Anyway, Minnie and Paulie and Huxley and Blitz are gone now. I'm sans pets. First time in over 15 years that David and I haven't had a pet. It was Elvis P. Bunnyboy, our rabbit, that started it all off. Then came Tabby and all the rest of the crew. Now they are all gone or rehomed. I miss them all.

Off and on

We just got back from a drive up to Woodland Park. Ute pass was beautiful today. Interesting thing - everybody seemed to have a dog with them. Okay, not everyone, but next to everyone. It ran through my mind that we could see the girls possibly, just walking in their neighborhood but that's not going to happen. David said he's missing them today too for some reason. I've been fine without them until today. I don't know why I'm thinking about them so much today, but I'm going to allow myself to feel the way I do and just ride it like a wave. It's okay to miss them. I had them for a year and a half. It's no wonder that I miss them. David also said today that he realized that we could have kept Skooter and Moped if he had put the time in with them to train them. I feel the same way. I did put in time training them, but not enough and not consistently.

Oh well. I'm bound to have feelings like this off and on for a while. I'm okay with that.

Still adjusting to them all being gone

Well, today I talked to David about definitely giving up the cats. I couldn't find a no-kill shelter to take them to, so I'll be taking them to the Humane Society. It's the same situation with the cats as with the dogs - I love them but I just don't want to care for them. They continually ruin the carpet by throwing up on it and they get hair everywhere. I know I will miss them and it will be weird to not have any pets, but I think that's the way it needs to be right now.

David is still looking at dogs on craigslist and I'm still checking the GSP site every day. I'm not checking it because I want a dog, I'm checking it because it makes me happy to see that a dog has been adopted. I have thought that if I ever get a dog again (and it won't be soon) it will have to be a GSP. I just love the breed and love the way they look, feel and behave. But I'm not in any position to even be thinking about a dog.

Paulie just kicked Minnie off my legs so he could sit there. Poor Minnie. I'd like to find the time tomorrow to take them to the HS. I need to just get it done.

I'm still missing Huxley and Blitz. When I start missing them I just look at the picture of them treeing the squirrell and I realize that they are where they belong. It's kind of ironic that they are up in Woodland Park where I'd like to live. I can't even imagine how happy they must be with so much land to run on and so many beasties to chase. I'm sure they are so incredibly happy being there and are loved tremendously. They are awesome dogs and deserve the best home. Their new owners said they sleep through the night now. That's probably because they are out all day playing. I do miss napping with them. And I still can't have a bowl of Cheerios without thinking about sharing with Huxley. Pretty much anything I eat I used to share with them. I think it will take time to get past that.

I don't miss Skooter and Moped like I used to miss them. I still think of them a lot but they are so far out of my daily life that I'm not sad about them. I do wonder what it would be like to still own Skooter. He is such a good dog. Moped was just too crazy. I'd have to really learn how to raise a calm dog before I could even think about owning one again. They didn't have a great life here though. They were either crated or tied up (because they were so out of control) and that wasn't any fun for them.

Anyway, I'll always get sucked in by GSP puppies and dogs. I just can't resist the face. But I can resist owning one.

I checked the GSP site and more dogs have been adopted. There's always more coming in though. I wish people would spay and neuter their dogs so the population would decrease. There are so many 'homeless' GSP's that Kris has to take in. It's sad. I've continued our donation to the Rescue because I really believe in the work that Kris is doing. I wish it could be more. One day I'm hoping it will be more.

Just missing my boys and girls today. I do okay most of the time but once in a while, the feeling just hits me and I miss them. I hope that we get updates on them in the future (but I won't expect that to happen). I was looking at pictures of Skooter when he visited his mom, Harvest and his sister from another litter. They are/were such beautiful, even tempered dogs. And I was looking at the 'family photos' that Kathy put together on Moped. There's a picture of the first time David held him when he was just weeks old. Ah, the good old days when we were too dense to know that dogs just didn't fit into our lives. lol

I feel better now that I've been able to think about them. Back to the real world again.

A lovely day

Just thinking

I'm thinking about dogs tonight. Or should I say I'm thinking of all the errors I've made as a dog owner. There are so many things I would do different now that I know what I know. And what is it that I know? I didn't train my dogs early enough or often enough. I did try some with Skooter and Moped but I started too late and wasn't consistent enough with them. Huxley and Blitz are doing great with their new owners because they know how to train a GSP. I don't. Before I can ever consider a dog again, I need to learn how to 'grow' a great dog. I was thinking that getting the dog trained as a hunting dog and as a service dog would help. That was the biggest problem I had when I owned the dogs: I didn't have control over them. The dogs ran the show. It can't be like that. And I would never, ever have a GSP unless I had at least a few acres of property fenced in so they could run around a lot. And I'd have to be committed to walking them EVERY day. And I'm not anywhere near ready to do any of those things so a dog just isn't in my future. But, when one is, I think it will have to be a GSP. I just adore the breed. I really couldn't imagine having any other breed of dog. I look at other dogs and puppies and they are cute, but they just don't compare to the GSP.

I know I'm not ready to own a dog. I don't know that I ever will be ready. I know I'm not a good dog owner. But it doesn't keep me from loving the dogs I've had. I'll always see them as my boys and girls. I'll always miss them. But I know that I just can't handle a dog at this point in my life. And that makes me sad.

I have been doing some research on therapy dogs. There are what they call Emotional Support Dogs for people like me who deal with depression (amongst other things). They are not Service Dogs. They don't get to go into public places like service dogs do. But they are trained to help people how have emotional issues. Maybe a dog like that, one that is already trained would be a good dog for me one day. It would still have to be a GSP though. I'd have to get it as a puppy and put it through ES training.

I know. I know. I shouldn't even be thinking about this stuff, but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't. I still check the Rescue website daily to see if any dogs have been placed. I'm always happy when a GSP gets adopted. And I just like looking at their sweet faces. I wish I could do more for the Rescue (beyond or in addition to our monthly donation). It's such a worthy cause.

It's funny but once you have a GSP, there just is no other dog for you. Which isn't great for someone like me who takes them in and then lets them go. One of my friends said that I have a mental illness about dogs. She was serious. I don't know. Maybe I do have a screw loose when it comes to GSP's. But gosh, they are just the most wonderful dogs in the world. So smart (when trained) and such great companions (again, when they are trained).

Guess I'm feeling nostalgic and meloncholy tonight. Minnie has been sitting on me for hours. Whenever I sit, she's on me. And Paulie, when he's not on me, is on David. I want to let them go next week. I just can't handle them any more. If I bring them to the Humane Society they may be euthanized, but I feel like it's them or me. Their lives or mine. I want my life back sans cats, dogs or any other pet. No fish, hamsters, gerbils or squid. Nada.

Still, GSP's rock! And they always will.

01/01/2009 Update on Huxley and Blitz

Another update from Kris:

Happy New Year, Samantha!

Another update on Huxley and Blitz.

Enjoy!

>>>I"m happy to report that the adoption is still going smoothly. They have established a routine: wake us up at 7:00AM, go out, eat, and then we take our walk. The rest of the day is spent harrassing squirrels as you can see in the attached picture. The picture also shows the fence at the back of our property. To date, there has been no attempt by them to jump or climb over it. The picture also shows how our property slopes down to the fence so they get good exercise running to and from the fence.<<<<
--
Kris

It makes me so happy to see that they are content and having fun. They are living exactly where I would want them to live. They look happy. And it sounds like they are getting the routine down too. No word on Blitz whining so I think it was a phenomenon caused by me somehow. I'm sure that Blitz is so tired by the time she gets in that she doesn't have any reason to whine. She's not bored anymore.

I'll always miss them and I hope that we can get future updates on them.