Middle of the night thougts

It's the middle of the night and again I'm up. No dogs, but I'm up. :-) My body can't seem to get used to them being gone. The thought is in here 'what was I thinking giving up my dogs, my beautifull dogs, my sweet dogs?'. What on earth makes me think that I'll ever be able to 'replace' them with another dog? Even though the circumstances weren't perfect, they were perfect. I could have spent more time with them, training them, exercising their bodies and their minds. But instead I gave in and gave up. I eliminated them from my daily life. Or so I thought. The kicker is that they still are in my daily life. They are in my thoughts constantly. I'm still working my life around them right now. I'm hooked to this computer waiting to see the words 'adoption pending' or 'adopted' next to their names. We're the homes not good enough for them? Did the families reject my dogs? All the stupid things that I think in the middle of the night. I assumed that my dogs would be aopted quickly because they are so beautiful and sweet, but I need to remember that have their issues too. I'm sure Moped still has more energy than he can expend or control. He needs constant stimulation, both mentally and physically. Skooter is a bit more low key. He at least can take a good nap now and again and enjoy laying in the sun. That's probably the only time Moped settles down is when he is laying in the sun. It's such a peaceful sight to see them lying there, warm and content. But then content turns into chaos. They run around the house, Skooter jumps the fence, Moped grabs everything he can get his mouth on, and the calm is over, the storm has begun. At least down at the Rescue they are expending way more energy and are able to come in the house and try to be good. I'm sure Skooter is at the point where he can come in the house and within a short amount of time be laying down. Moped on the other hand, I think, is still a wild man in the house. Maybe he's calming down a little. Maybe the family came and looked at him and didn't want him. Maybe the home visit didn't work on well on Friday. Maybe the home visit for Skooter never took place or was rescheduled and the family for Moped wasn't able to make it yesterday. There's no telling what has happened. I can't expect Kris, with her incredibly busy schedule, to stop every day and give me updates on dogs that I've surrendered. I may have surrendered them physically, but I have not surrendered them in my heart. :-( Nonetheless, I need them to get adopted so I don't feel like a failure with them, you know, I did such a bad job with them that no one wants them. I have such incredibly mixed emotions. I want them to get adopted but when they do I will be devastated and sad. I need to let go but I hang on ever tighter. I'm too much in the middle of this. I need to stop checking the Rescue site every hour and I need to stop checking the Dog Blog too. i need to take some time and deal with MY life! I'm going to try today to stay away from the computer or at least not look up stuff on the dogs. I need to give it a rest. I need rest. My dogs are okay wher ethey are. And they will be happy whenever they find and adkjust to a new home.

So, those are my thoughts in the middle of the night. Pretty scary, huh?

(not checked for typig, speling, and it ain't checked for grammer neithere!)