It's more about me than I care to believe

The dogs are STILL sleeping. They've been asleep all night. I'll have to wake them up so they can go outside to go to the bathroom before we go to bed. They'll sleep through the night too. What lazy butt dogs! :-) I love that about them.

I've done a lot of thinking and talked to David about what is bothering me regarding the dogs. I realize that I want to be the solution (a home) to their problem (being given up for adoptionl). It's important to me that I be the one who fixes things for them. It will somehow make me feel special or important to be the answer. It will make me feel like I'm making a difference somewhere in my life.

This is off topic for the Dog Blog, but I feel the same way about Brad. I want to be a solution to his problems. And I want to be the one that he turns to in his time of need. That would make me feel special and important. It would make me feel like I'm making a difference in someone's life. But I can't be the answer there either.

I feel an obligation to 'make things right' with these situations. If I don't make it right and something bad happens, will I feel like it's my fault, that I could have done something and I didn't? Or even worse, what if it all works out okay? Will I feel bad that someone else was the solution to the problem? Will I feel less special, less important?

Even though all of this is difficult, it is helping me to learn about myself. I'm figuring out what my motives are for doing things. I'm not as altruistic as I'd like to think that I am. But I am more emotional than I thought I was. The dogs are helping me to learn about myself.

Now I'll have four dogs that I will miss and want to keep track of: Skooter, Moped, Huxley and Blitz. I don't regret having any of them. They've all added a lot of joy to my life. They are all sweet, loving dogs and I just wish I could have made it work out differently.