Rocky Mountain GSP Rescue

We brought the dogs and all their stuff down to Penrose this afternoon. I cried all the way there and all the way home. The dogs did real well though. They went into the house without any problem. Moped seemed to be thrilled to be near other dogs. Moped and Skooter were put in a separate pen so they could get to know the other dogs. Skooter seemed a bit hesitant of course but he did a lot better than I thought he would.

I kept second guessing myself: was I doing the right thing? how could I leave my babies in a strange place? did I try hard enough to make it work at home? would Skooter do okay without me? So many questions and so few answers.

When we brought in all their stuff (5+ bags) Kris said 'they're not spoiled are they?'. Yes they were spoiled and they deserved to be.

When we were leaving I gave Skooter a kiss on his sweet face, the last kiss I will ever give him. Moped was too busy exploring everything to say goodbye. That was okay because it was too hard to say goodbye to them. As we were leaving Skooter was at the door, looking so intently at me, whining, wondering why I was leaving him. It broke my heart to see him looking at me that way. I will never forget that look. Pleading, don't leave me. But I did leave him.

I know I've done the right thing. They are already better off just being at the rescue. They get to be with other dogs, they get to be out all day and they don't have to be in their kennels all day. That's what I want for them.

I hope they are adopted quickly. I want them to have a forever home where they can be loved and taken care of. I don't know that anyone could love them more than I do, but if they can come close it will be good enough. Just giving them a lifestyle change will be dramatic in their lives. Kris said she would keep me posted on what happens with them and she'll let me know who adopts them.

I'm still thinking: did I do the right thing? will they be okay? can they survive being away from me? I know my heart is broken, I'm sure their hearts are broken too. I don't want to sound insensitive, but it wasn't as difficult to let Moped go as is was to let Skooter go. I'm not as bonded to Moped and I know he's so happy go lucky. He'll do fine. But Skooter, my sweet Skooter, is a sensitive boy and is completely bonded to me. He'll have a more difficult time. But I pray that he will do well and be happy.

I still need to call Misty and email Ruth and Kristy and let them know that we have adopted the dogs out. That will be hard to do. I'm afraid that they will think that I gave up too soon. We were only in training for a month and a half. But, like I said before, it's just postponing the inevitable. They are high energy, high activity dogs and we are low energy, low activity people. It's a match that will never work.

Kris says she works with the dogs every day on obedience and behaviors so that they will be more adoptable. She also said that they will probably be adopted quickly because they are house trained, crate trained and know basic commands. Also because they are so handsome and sweet.

I just called Misty. She wanted to know what brought on re-homing them. I told her it was a long story and one I couldn't go into without crying, so I would talk to her some other time. I just wanted to let her know that I needed to cancel our door program for tomorrow. She sounded really sad for me. And stunned.

I'll send an email to Ruth and Kristy next to let them know that we will no longer be attending training classes.

This is so hard. I feel so judged and like I've given up. It's not like that though. I've tried. I've gone above and beyond for my dogs. Things just did not work out. The deciding factor was that David just didn't want to work with the dogs and I can't do it alone. He didn't mean to, but he used fear to get them to do what he wanted and I just couldn't watch that happening to them. He wan't mean, just not as loving as he could have been.

How did this happen so quickly? Things just fell apart faster than I could have imagined. Part of it was my health issues. A bigger part was David's frustration with the dogs. He had a real hard time ignoring unwanted behavior. There was no way for this to work unless we were on the same page with training and behavior. And we were not on the same page. I was working on a novel and he was composing a post it note. We weren't in balance.

Sweet Skooter. My boy. I will miss him forever. I don't think I could ever have another dog because I'd feel like I was treating my relationship with Skooter with disrespect. I don't ever want to do that. If I can't have Skooter then I don't need to have any dog.

I will miss napping with him on the couch. I will miss his crazy smile. I will miss his eyes. I will miss patting him. I will miss the way he wiggles when he is excited. I will miss everything about him (except maybe his whining :-) ).

I don't think the Dog Blog will end here. There is still another chapter in this story - their adoption into a forever home. I'll be updated on that and I can write about it when I get information. I don't know if we can stay in touch with the new owners or not. I'd like to be able to keep in touch with them to see how they boys develop. I'd like to get a picture of them every now and again. Especially of Skooter, so I won't miss his sweet face so much. But if we can't keep in touch, I will just have to be happy knowing that they are being placed in homes that are more appropriate for them.

So the Dog Blog goes on because my love for Skooter and Moped goes on. My heart is broken in two, one piece for each of them and none left over for me. I am empty.