Haven't heard from the Rescue

I've sent three emails now but haven't heard back from Kris at the GSP Rescue. I'm trying not to let my imaginatin run wild, but it makes me a bit nervous to not hear from her. I could call, but I don't want to bug her. I just want to know how the dogs are doing. I struggled today, Dog Day, with going down there and taking them back. I know that's not what will be best for them in the long run, but I am feeling selfish and want them here.

I think part of the reason I'm really missing them today is that I know I'll be home alone tonight because David has hockey. I miss them most when I'm home alone. And it's hard to have David come home and not have the dogs here to greet him (even though greeting him meant tearing through the house and jumping on the furniture - the dogs, not David!).

I feel so much less stress now that they have been placed in the Rescue. I don't have to worry about David getting frustrated that they are whining. I don't have to listen to them whining and scratching on the kennel (Moped was the scratcher). I don't have to stress every time that they needed to go out meant having them running wild through the house and jumping on the furniture. I don't have to tie Skooter out to keep him from jumping the fence. I hope he's not being tied down at the Rescue, but if he's attempting to get out of the yard he may have to be tied out. I don't want that for my dogs.

I check the GSP site every day to see if their profiles have been added and so far they are not on there. I've sent an email to Kris asking how long she thinks she will need to evaluate them for before their profiles go online. Seeing them online would make me feel better. It would mean that they are one step closer to getting a forever home. Kris said she had lots of applications in right now. I know that the dogs might not be well behaved enough yet to be adopted out, but I'd just like to know how they are doing until they are adopted by someone.

I keep calling them 'my dogs' even though I've given them up to the Rescue. I find it hard to let go of them. I don't know that I'll ever stop calling them 'my dogs'. They always will be my dogs in my heart.

I slept through most of the day today because I couldn't face the first Dog Day without them. When 9am came and we should have been leaving with Moped, I felt sad. When 10am came and we should have been in class with him, I felt sad again. At 11:15am when we would have been dropping him off at doggy day care, I just sat in my chair feeling numb. That's when I knew it was time for a nap. I didn't want to have to face the times surrounding Skooter's class and picking up Moped from doggy day care. I haven't told them at doggy day care that Moped won't be coming in anymore. I like having the link to the web cam so I can watch the other dogs and think about the fun that Moped had while he was at doggy day care.

Letting go isn't easy for me. In fact, it's quite difficult. I know that hearing from Kris would make me feel a lot better. Not hearing from her makes me wonder if something has happened to the dogs or if they are just not doing well down there. I want to think that no news is good news, but I just can't. I need reassurance.

I still feel like I want to go down there and take them home, even though I know that it would stress me out completely to have them back again. It doesn't make sense. I quess it doesn't have to right now. It's only been a week since we dropped them off at the Rescue. I feel bad because I didn't think to ask Kris what her credentials were or how long she's had the Rescue or how would she treat the dogs while they were there or how long did she think it would take to adopt them out. I just dropped them off and didn't ask anything because I was too emotional and I was crying. I really feel guilty about that. I should have checked thing out more thoroughly before leaving my dogs.

Even if I do get an email from her, I don't know that my heart can accept that they are okay. I'm not sure what to believe. I want to just stop in down there and check up on them. I guess she knows we could do that at any time so I'm sure she'd be honest about their current situation. I just need to hear from her.

David is gone and the TV is off. It is very quiet in here. No dogs to make any noise. No wookie sounds from Mopes and no snoring from Skoots. I sure do miss taking naps with him. And I really miss seeing him wiggle his whole body with excitement. He's our Mr. Wiggles. Or as I call him, Midder Wiggles. He always seemed to wiggle more when I said it like that. Oh, I miss them. It's not that I wanted to give them away, I just thought it was best for them to find them more appropriate homes. But I never wanted them to go. I felt like I had to give them an opportunity at a better life.

They better be okay. I couldn't take it if anything happened to them because I gave them up.

Turning now to the cat portion of the Dog Blog: there seem to be cats everywhere! I know that there are only three of them, but they always seem to be on me, around me or underfoot. They stick pretty close to me. They love having the whole house back again. They play every night like they used to. And they sit in the windows to sun themselves. They love doing that. I don't feel as connected to the cats right now because they've been off in the bedroom for so long, They didn't venture out too often with the dogs here. But now they are out here all the time so maybe the bond will grow strong again. Or maybe I just don't want to feel that attached right now. Who knows.

I can't say it enough times: I miss my dogs and I need to hear how they are doing. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.