It was just a dream

I woke up feeling very sad. I had a dream that we gave Skooter to a shelter or he was lost and ended up at a shelter. We went to the shelter to get him. We brought him home. Within days I realized that the dog was not Skooter. He had different markings. I started crying for Skooter. I told everyone in my dream that I had the wrong dog, it wasn't Skooter! I cried and cried. I went to the shelter to return the wrong dog and get Skooter back but alarmingly they didn't have Skooter and didn't know where he was. I panicked. I had to have Skooter back. I was so sad that I couldn't find Skooter. David got another dog to replace Skooter but it just made me cry harder for Skooter. David meant well but I missed my Skooter. I longed for Skooter. Then I woke up feeling like I was going to cry and feeling panicked. I woke David up and told him about the dream. He said it was just a dream. But I think it's another telling dream.

We have given Skooter away, we have lost him. The other dog that I brought home refers to the puppy we are thinking of getting. It won't be Skooter. It might feel good at first but then I'll reallize that it's not Skooter and still miss Skooter. I think that the dog that David brings home refers to him asking me last night to think about getting a puppy. I felt like he was trying to replace Skooter.

When I was up earlier this morning I sent out an email to a dog breeder and then spent time surfing online re: TFT's, her site and another woman's site. Here's the response to the email that I sent:

My friend is an UKC judge...here is her info....
Dr. Marsha L. Shively
Shively's Livelies' TFTs
tftshively@aol.com
www.toy-fox-terrier.net


----- Original Message -----
From: Samantha WAGONER
To: Barb
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 5:46 AM
Subject: Re: puppy - additional questions

Additional questions regarding your upcoming litters:

- How long have you had the breed in question?
We started with the Breed in 1999...
- Why do you have the breed in question (show, performance, hunting, etc.)?
Started with the breed for just a pet...fell in love and decided to start showing and breeding...can not do performance due to health reasons...dog would lose due to handler err...hahaha...
- What do you consider to be the most important single characteristic of an example of this breed?
Attitude...these little guys take on the personality of the household and are little clowns...don't need a TV can just watch the dogs...
- What health issues have you seen in the breed?
The only health issue we have come accross is patella luxation but we do test our dogs for patella luxation, CHG, Heart, CERF....Patella Luxation is common for Toy dogs...if we get one that has it we neuter/spay and place in a pet home with restrictions...the new owner is informed that they may need surgery down the road...
- What criteria do you set for your breeding stock?
No health issues...Champions in Conformation...in both AKC and UKC...meets the standard for both AKC and UKC except weight...Weight for UKC is 3 - 7 lbs and I have a couple that are 8 lbs...but feel this is close enough when I breed with a 3.5 lb male...pups are usually well within the limits...show the females that look like they might out grow the standard before the weight becomes an issue to get the finished...
- Do you plan to keep a puppy from this litter?
I try to keep a pup from each litter or the most exceptional one...we have been known to keep a pup finish it then place it in a home that we can use for breeding or neuter/spay it and put it in a pet home...
- How often do you have puppies?
we are still developing our line and have pups from each female within breeding age once a year or we will do a back to back breeding and give the mom a year off...
- Do you have a written contract and puppy guarantee?
We do have a health guarantee and a written contract for both pet and show potential pups...
- At what age do you send your pups to their homes?
Puppies go to new homes at the age of 8 weeks unless we want to watch them mature and then it could be 3 - 6 months...
- How would you describe the ideal dog of this breed?
This is a hard questions because I love them all...sometimes I look at the conformation but mainly I take in the whole dog...I really can love them all...have not found a bad apple yet...even the ones that don't meet conformation make great pets and have the greatest personalities...I am honest to all my prospective buyers and do point out the flaws...had one pup that was very shy...I told everyone and explained that if she got away from the other dogs that she would flourish...well no one wanted to take the chance...finally found a young couple...they have written me and let me know that she has come out of shell and plays all the time...in my contract I ask for pictures and update for a minimum of 2 years...this gives me a chance to see how they mature and how the new parents are getting along with them...I do get some very cute pictures...

- How would you describe the ideal home for this breed?
a loving home that does not keep the dog crated all the time...a fenced yard...now these guys do not let you ignore them but I would not let them go to a home that I suspect might...they are high energy...love to play...must have lots of toys and attention...will try to manipulate you like a child...will try to get away with anything they can...I just love them to death...have not meet one that I don't like yet...
- Are your puppies whelped in your home?
Yes, we have the parents in the house...I deliver the pups...they sleep next to my bed till they are old enough to move...in fact the last litter stayed there till they went to a new home...or I should say till they were old enough to sleep with us without an accident...
- What advice would you offer someone in raising and training a dog of this breed?
Buy the Book The Toy Fox Terrier: Wired for Action by Dr. John F. Davidson, UKC/AKC Breed Judge...13400 N. Lakewood Dr. ...Dunlap, IL 61525...35 year Breeder Discusses Raising your puppy to be a great Pet, Show Dog or Performance Dog (Agility, Obedience, Therapy)...309-243-7506...johnfd@hotmail.com....
- How do you assist or help this breed when in need of rescue?
I have lived in the same place since 1979...I am here to answer any and all questions at any time...I have taken dogs back that I have breed and placed them in homes or kept them...I do have a stud dog that I feel is a rescue because he had 4 homes before he came to live with me...he was mis treated and the breeder...my friend...took him back and placed him several times before placing him with me...he could not walk or eat...I hand feed him...he would cry everytime you touched him...now he is the man of the house...he loves everyone but is real attached to me...he is my little man and produces some of the prettiest pups I have seen...he is 9 inches tall and weighs 3.5 lbs...spoiled rotten...I have no problem with rescue just do not feel that I am set up for it at this time...my daughter lives in my basement and until she moves out I don't have the added space...although I have been known to board dogs for short term...
Let me know if you have any other questions...as you can see this is my Breed and I love them to death...I LOVE to talk about them...Barb
Sam----------------------------------

http://skootersdogblog.blogspot.com A blog about Skooter and Mopedhttp://www.rockymtngsp.org Rocky Mountain GSP Rescue adoption page

"It is not a race to the finish. Enjoy the journey."

----- Original Message -----
From: Barb
To: Samantha
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 12:34 AM
Subject: Re: puppy

I don't have any puppies at this time but I do have 3 females that should be coming in heat soon and I will be breeding them...therefore I should have pups ready for new homes within 6 months...for Pet Quality I am asking $800 with a neuter contract...Show Potential is $1000 with a puppy back on a breeding...I do have a friend in Indiana that has male puppies available now if you are interested in them...are there any other questions you might have...Barb

Additional questions I need to be thinking about.

- How long have you had the breed in question?
- Why do you have the breed in question (show, performance, hunting, etc.)?
- What do you consider to be the most important single characteristic of an example of this breed?
- What health issues have you seen in the breed?
- What criteria do you set for your breeding stock?
- Do you plan to keep a puppy from this litter?
- How often do you have puppies?
- Do you have a written contract and puppy guarantee?
- At what age do you send your pups to their homes?
- How would you describe the ideal dog of this breed?
- How would you describe the ideal home for this breed?
- Are your puppies whelped in your home?
- What advice would you offer someone in raising and training a dog of this breed?
- How do you assist or help this breed when in need of rescue?

Another dog? Maybe

It's 4:30am, so I don't want to be held to anything I say right now. I want to get a puppy. A toy fox terrier puppy. I need to have a dog. I need something to take care of each day. It has to be different than it was with Moped and Skooter though. It has to be a dog that doesn't cause me a lot of stress but adds to my life on a daily basis. I know I'd have to get through the puppy phase again (potty training, socialization, car rides, leash walks, etc.) but I know I can do that. I know it doesn't last forever. What would be different is that I'd have a dog that didn't require a large yard and wouldn't require a whole lot of exercise, beyond a daily walk. It feels like cheating to get a dog that isn't Skooter, but I'm miserable without a dog. I'd like another shot at it. I'd go into this knowing a lot more about what I need to do, from the start.

The question is: Can I be a good dog owner? Can I love another dog while still missing Skooter? I am getting another dog too quickly? What about the cats enjoying not having a dog around? Can I get attached to another dog? I think I can be a much better owner this time around because of all the knowledge I have going into it. I believe I can love another dog while still missing Skooter. I'll always miss Skooter. Nothing will change that. Is it too soon? No, I know what I'm getting myself into. I think that because it's a toy and will be raised with the cats they will get along just fine. I can get attached to another dog. I won't ever forget the love I have for Skooter and Moped, but there is room in my heart for one more.

So, after serious consideration, I'm going to explore the possibility of getting a TFT puppy. It looks like it would be a good breed for us at this stage in our lives. It's still scary to think of getting another dog (will I feel stressed again? will things work out differently this time? can we offer a dog an adequate, appropriate home?) but I know I'm ready to explore the possibility. It makes me happy inside just to think of it.

I need to be reminded

I had to ask David to remind me why we can't have a dog like Skooter or Moped. I needed him to do that because I'm really missing Skooter and want him back. I think about dogs that get lost and go hundreds or thousands of miles to find their families. Some dogs do remember. I don't want Skooter or Moped to remember. I want them to be happy with their new lives. And there are good reasons that we gave them up: Skooter jumps the fence and has to be tied out, the yard is too small anyway, we can't give them enough physical exercise, we can't give them enough mental exercise and they cause me too much stress. These are very valid reasons to have given them up for adoption. In my mind I know I've done the right thing, but in my heart I am still sad. Thinking of Skooter doing his Midder Wiggles is what usually sets me off. I just want to see him be happy again. I know that he's happy down at the Rescue because Kris says he smiles a lot. That's good to know.

David just asked me if getting a small dog would help at all. I really don't know. It would be nice to have a dog that I could walk and that could comfortably sit in my lap (Skooter sat in my lap, but it wasn't too comfortable :-) ). I just don't know if getting a dog is a good idea. I'm afraid that I'll get a dog then have to give it up again. I'd feel horrible if that happened. I'd be embarrassed too. But having a puppy would make me happy. What king of dog would be good for us though? I don't know that I'd want a purebreed again. Maybe a dog from the Humane Society would work. I don't know what to think. I need to have a dog. Having cats just isn't enough for me. I need someone who really is happy when I get home.

We'll have to think about it. Think very seriously.

Diary of a dog and a cat...

Thanks goes out to Kitty for sharing this funny story!

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the high metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

I will be happy for me

The reason that this is all so difficult for me is that the dogs were my life. Everything I did revolved around the dogs and their potty break/get out of the kennel schedule. From the minute that I woke up they needed me. 'Please let me out of my kennel, I have to go to the bathroom. And I'm excited to see you too after not seeing you all night.' Then there was the training: sitting before they could come out of their kennels, sitting before they could go out the sliding door and sitting when they came back in the door. There were the times I had to wait on Skooter to come back because he had jumped the fence and was off somewhere in the neighborhood chasing rabbits. So to fix that I had to go out on the deck every time I let Skooter out to clip him to the tie out. I really didn't want to have to go outside in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning, but I had to so Skooter could go out. Then there was letting them in and letting them run around in the house to get some energy out. I had to watch them every second. Most of the time Moped was stealing something and running around with it in his mouth. I couldn't just sit and relax, I had to be eyeing them intently. Next came breakfast: kibble was fairly easy, but when I changed to the raw meat diet it got a bit more compllicated and time consuming. I fed them in their kennels but still had to keep an eye on them to make sure no one choked on his food. Then there was another trip outside and all the sitting that was involved in going out and coming in. Then it was back in the house for a romp. I couldn't just go take a shower or eat breakfast without putting them in their kennels. I felt bad about putting them in their kennels so much so I would put off what I had to do for me in order to let them stay out. Eventually though, they would get too rowdy and I had to put them back in their kennels. Then there was some me time. But not much. I still felt guilty about them being in their kennels, so I let them out of their kennels again. That meant focusing totally on them to the exclusion of myself. No TV, no reading, no bible study, nothing, just watching them. By this time it was time for the created nap time. They didn't want to nap, but I needed them to nap. I needed a break from having to watch them so closely. It would get to a point of being mind numbing. So on to the nap it was. They usually didn't last too long before someone was whining and/or scratching at their kennel to get out. They'd get to romp around the house for a bit then I had to let them out and then back in again remembering to have them sit when entering and exiting.

This was the morning routine, which was the afternoon routine and then the evening routine. I did this all day long with the dogs. And I threw in some training in my spare time. My whole day revolved around my dogs and their care. Their exercise was running around in the back yard and romping around the house. I couldn't take them for walks because they pulled too much on the leash, so it wasn't a walk, it was a drag. And their was absolutely no way to take both dogs out at the same time. They would have just pulled me over. I would have enjoyed taking them on errands with me but Moped wasn't very good in the car. He was always trying to drive! Skooter on the other hand did great in the car, just sitting there like a good boy, enjoying the ride. But I didn't want to just bring Skooter with me and leave him in the car alone. It would be like being in his kennel. So I didn't get them out very much. That is until we started training and Doggy Day Care. Then they were out a whole lot more than they had been previously. But training took up a lot of time too. Our whole Saturday was spent on taking the dogs to and from training and Doggy Day Care. On other days it was the same schedule: let them out of their kennels for as long as I could tolerate focusing on them to the exclusion of myself.

Day after day, week after week, I kept up this hectic pace. I would have done almost anything to keep my dogs. But it wasn't about just keeping them. It was about their quality of life. And their quality of life sucked. They needed to be outdoors all day and playing all day and running around all day to get out their puppy energy and their championship blood line bird dog energy. They needed to go for walks. They needed to go to the dog park and just run around for hours. They needed to keep going all day and wear themselves out so going in their kennel at night would be a blessing, so they could really rest. They needed to play games and practice obedience. They needed so much more than I was physically or metally capable of giving them. I always felt like I was letting them down and I was always stressed out.

This was no way for any of us to live. So after having Skooter for 15 months and having Moped for seven months, I started considerering what would be best for them. We were in the middle of obedience training, the door program and Doggy Day Care. But I decided not to prolong the inevitable: they were going to have to go to a more appropriate home. I wasn't going to make them wait until training was over. Why have them be bored and me stressed for another day. So I made the difficult decision to give them up for adoption.

I find solace in the fact that they are doing great down at the Rescue in Penrose. It is a more appropriate home for them. They get to be outside all day and don't have to be watched every minute. Skooter can't jump over the fence and probably doesn't want to because he's got so much going on in the yard now. He gets to play with other dogs, be out all day and lay in the sun. They get to go for car rides, they get to be demo dogs at the PetCo obedience class. They get to run down at the Reservoir. They are getting to be dogs instead of inmates. Their sweetness is now matched by the lifestyle they have. There is so much more freedom for them.

And one day soon a more appropriate forever home will be found for them. A home where they can be dogs! I look forward to them having a great life. It is not easy to give them up, but it is right to give them up. I will always remember their sweetness and how they made me smile and laugh. I will remember the good times I was blessed to have with them. And I will be happy for them enjoying their new found life. A more appropriate life. I will be happy for them. And I will be happy for me.

A beautiful comment

I can understand your pain and I still wish I could take it away. But you won't grieve forever, my friend. Joy cometh in the morning. Remember that. How blessed your life has been to have Skooter and Moped in it for the short time they were in it. Sometimes friends come into our universe as stars and shine brightly, so brightly we can never forget them. - Anonymous

Enough self pity

Okay, I got that out of my system. Now I can deal with what's really going on in my life and focus on the fact that the dogs are a whole lot better off where they are and they don't think of nor would they want to if they did, come back to the prison that was there home here. Yes, we loved them, but that honestly wasn't enough for them. They need and deserve so much more. And they've got that down at the Rescue. I am happy for them, I really am. And I'm going to do my best to be positive about this situation. I need to learn to let go.

Do I Go Home Today?

This is a very sad poem, but it touched my heart. Get out the hankies...

My family brought me home cradled in their arms.They cuddled me and smiled at me and said I was full of charm.They played with me and laughed with me and showered me with toys.I sure do love my family, especially the girls and boys.The children loved to feed me, they gave me special treats.They even let me sleep with them - all snuggled in the sheets.I used to go for walks, often several times a day.They even fought to hold the leash, I'm very proud to say.These are the things I'll not forget - a cherished memory.I now live in the shelter-without my family.They used to laugh and praise me when I played with that old shoe.But I didn't know the difference between the old ones and the new.The kids and I would grab a rag, for hours we would tug.So I thought I did the right thing when I chew the bedroom rug.They said that I was out of control, and would have to live outside.This I did not understand, although I tried and tried.The walks stopped, one by one; they said they hadn't time.I wish that I could change things, I wish I knew my crime.My life became so lonely, in the backyard, on a chain.I barked and barked all day long to keep from going insane.So they brought me to the shelter but were embarassed to say why,They said I caused an allergy, and then they each kissed me goodbye.If I'd only had some classes, as a little pup.I wouldn't have been so hard to handle when I was all grown up."You only have one day left." I heard the worker say.Does that mean I have a second chance? Do I go Home today?

Would you be shocked to know that I miss the dogs today? No? I didn't think so.

Driving home today as I pulled into the community I could see our backyard. It made me sad to know that the dogs weren't in the yard or in the house. All I've thought about today is going to get them. Holy guacamole! Am I ever going to let go of them?

I sent a package down to the Rescue today along with a $50 check (donation). In the package I included the letters to Skooter and Moped's new families and the CD's I made of their pictures and movies. I also sent the picture of Skooter with his mom and sister and Moped's family picture collage. I'd like the families that adopts them to know their history and have thier baby pictures. I hope Kris will pass them on.

I got an erroneous delivery of dog food today from Furry Friends. It almost made me cry. I've decided that I'll donate it to All Breed Rescue. It's 25 lbs so it should be appreciated. I'm sure the foster dogs there could use it.

David is really missing the dogs today too. He says that he knows we've done the right thing but it doesn't feel like it's the right thing. I sure do get how he feels.

Shower time

It's the middle of the night once again and I'm up for no particular reason. I was remembering that Moped had started jumping into the tub in the guest bathroom. He'd get behind the curtain and play around in there for a minute or so. Then he'd battle his way out through the shower curtain. Invariabley there would be something in his mouth: soap, shampoo, or something. I'd have to chase him down or have him come to me to get the offending item. It was fun watching him jump in the shower. He's such a puppy, so full of energy and exploration. He is a very curious dog, in both meanings of the word. He loves to check everything out and he's somewhat eccentric. What is cool about Moped is how quickly he learns new behaviors. Once I taught him that he had to sit at the door before being let out, he'd park his little butt in front of that door almost every time without being told to. And it wasn't just a quick sit. He would drop that butt on the floor purposefully and wait. But I could tell that he was jump itching to jump out the door. He would even whine his frustration at me taking so long to open the sliding door. But he sat the whole time, protesting or not. He is such a good boy. I miss Puddin' Pop.

I wrote a letter to Brad to let him know that we had given the dogs up for adoption. That was a difficult letter to write. Brad was with us when we picked out Skooter and he lived with us when we had both Skooter and Moped. He loved the dogs. I know it will make him sad that we surrendered them.

I wish I could see them one more time. I'd love to get more pictures and videos of them. But seeing me would just confuse them and I can't let that happen. I'll have to live with my regrets.

They both must be having a ball getting to go to PetCo with Kris' daughter. Whether they are being a demo dog in an obedience class or shopping, I know they are happy just being out and getting to expend some energy.

Gosh, I miss them. I know I've done the best thing for them, but it doesn't stop me from missing them. It just makes me love them even more. I think about them every day and wonder what they are up to. If it's sunny out, like it's been, I know that Skooter is laying in the sun, catching rays. He's such a sensitive dog. He wears his feelings on his sleeve. Especially when he's Midder Wiggles. His little butt would start shaking then it wasn't too long before the rest of him came along and started wiggling too. He'd smile and air bite. He would be so happy and excited and you knew it too! I can picture him wiggling as he sat there, waiting so impatiently for attention. He always got the attention he wanted, but I have to admit sometimes I'd let him wiggle a second or two longer that a needed to just because it was so much fun to watch him to it. And I don't think he minded having to wait. He was just thrilled about whatever it was that started the wiggle in the first place. I miss Midder Wiggles.

I wonder if they miss me at all or think about me. I wish I could tell them that I didn't abandoned them, that I am doing what I think is best for them. I'd want them to know that their happiness is a priority for me. I wouldn't want them to be sad at all. I want them to be happy no matter where they are or where they end up. I just hope I can stay in contact with them, at least once a year, to find out how they are doing. I hope their new owners are understanding. I won't ever stop thinking of them or wondering about them. It's like right now, I know that they are okay, but I'd love to get an email telling me the same. I know that no news is good news, but I'd love to have the good news anyway.

I'm so glad that they get to be out of their kennels all day. They must love playing with the other dogs and just being outside. Especially in this beautiful weather we are having. Moped probably plays all day long, without stopping! Skooter on the other hand likes to take a break more often than not. He's my lazy bird dog.

I hope the day doesn't come that I don't have anything to say in the Dog Blog. I hope I can think of memory after memory of them. And I hope to bring new memories to the Blog once I find out what they are up to once they are adopted.

I hope that the new owners will want to talk to me to find out about Midder Wiggles and Puddin' Pop. I want to be able to tell them all about their new, best friend. I hope they will read the Dog Blog so they can see how much they are loved and missed. I didn't give them up easily. I still struggle with going down there to bring them back home. But I know that they would not be happy in this little yard or being in the house most of the time, which means being in thier kennels a lot. No, I choose the freedom they have now. I choose a better life for them. And it's all because I love them so much. More than anyone can imagine.

I Love My Dog

I love my dog as much as I love you
But you may fade, my dog will always come through.
All he asks from me is the food to give him strength
All he ever needs is love and that he knows hell get
So, I love my dog as much as I love you
But you may fade, my dog will always come through.
All the pay I need comes shining through his eyes
I dont need no cold water to make me realize that
I love my dog as much as I love you
But you may fade, my dog will always come through.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, nana...
I love my dog as much as I love you
But you may fade, my dog will always come through.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, nana...
I love my dog, baby, I love my dog. na, na, na...
I love my dog, baby, I love my dog. na, na, na...

- Cat Stevens

Angry at the world

In my previous entry I was not referring to anyone specifically. I am angry at the world for not making this right. I feel like somebody should have been able to help me to figure out what to do so I could keep my dogs and not have them act like wild animals in the house. Maybe I was told and maybe I just couldn't do it. I know I was told to be patient, that it might take six months to a year or more for them to change. With the stress level I was feeling I didn't have that long. I needed a quick fix and there wasn't one. Except to put them up for adoption.

I want them back. Today I really want them back. But I know that nothing has changed in my lifestyle that would make things any better with them now than is was before. I know that. What has changed with them is that they are in a higher activity, higher energy level environment now. An environment that I cannot provide. They are getting to do the things that they need to do: being out of thier kennels all day, getting to run around, getting to play with other dogs, learning how to behave in the house and being loved for who they are right now. I couldn't love them for what they are right now - it was too much for me.

Again, I'm not blaming anyone specifically for not helping out. I'm just angry at the world. Somebody else needs to be to blame because it can't be me. It can't be that I wasn't patient enough, that I didn't try hard enough, that I didn't invest enough time, effort, and money into them. No, it couldn't possibly be me so it's got to be someone/everyone else.

I know this is just part of the grieving process that I have to go through. I feel like I will grieve forever. :-(

Unconditional love

My dogs loved me unconditionally. They never did anything on purpose to hurt me. They just wanted to love me and for me to love them back. I miss that. I miss it terribly. It's hard to get that from humans, but a dog is always there to make you feel like you're the most important thing in their world and they'd do anything for you. I miss the unconditional love of my dogs. I just plain miss my dogs.

I feel guilty when I read their profiles online because it makes me see what great dogs they are and what I'm missing out on. I read the profile and think 'I'd adopt him in a minute!'. That's where the guilt comes in. Could I have done more? Should I just have been more patient? Did I lose out on the best thing in my life because I didn't try hard enough to make it work? Guilt, guilt, guilt!

I also feel angry that I had to give up the dogs. If I had had more help with them, we might not have gotten to the point that we had to give them up. I'd like to say it's water under the bridge now, but it's not. It's more like a tsunami bearing down on me, getting ready to crush me. I can't stand that I had to give them up for adoption. I know it is what is best for them. I just wish I could have been what was best for them. But I couldn't do it on my own. I needed help, but I didn't really get any.

So, I'm sad and missing my dogs. Especially Skooter, but Moped too. I miss how soft they feel, how they looked at me with their soulful eyes and how they made me feel important and needed. My dogs mean a lot to me. I know they always will.

Bilingual...

Sam says to Lisa...

Dog Rules

The dog is not allowed in the house.
Okay, the dog is allowed in the house, but only in certain rooms.
The dog is allowed in all rooms, but has to stay off the furniture.
The dog can get on the old furniture only.
Fine, the dog is allowed on all the furniture, but is not allowed to sleep with the humans on the bed.
Okay, the dog is allowed on the bed, but only by invitation.
The dog can sleep on the bed whenever he wants, but not under the covers.
The dog can sleep under the covers by invitation only
The dog can sleep under the covers every night.
Humans must ask permission to sleep under the covers with the dog.

Mixed breed

I have a great dog. She's half Lab, half pit bull. A good combination. Sure, she might bite off my leg, but she'll bring it back to me.--Jimi Celeste

The Top 20 Reasons Dogs Do Not Use Computers...

20. Can't stick their heads out of Windows '95.
19. Fetch command not available on all platforms.
18. Hard to read the monitor with your head cocked to one side.
17. Too difficult to "mark" every website they visit.
16. Can't help attacking the screen when they hear "You've Got Mail."
15. Fire hydrant icon is very frustrating.
14. Involuntary tail wagging is dead giveaway they're browsing www . pethouse.com instead of working.
13. Keep bruising noses trying to catch that MPEG Frisbee.
12. Not at all fooled by Chuckwagon Screen Saver.
11. Still trying to come up with an "emoticon" that signifies tail-wagging.
10. Oh, but they WILL... with the introduction of the Microsoft Opposable Thumb.
9. Three words: Carpal Paw Syndrome.
8. 'Cause dogs ain't GEEKS! Now, cats, on the other hand...
7. Barking in next cube keeps activating YOUR voice recognition software.
6. SmellU-SmellMe still in beta test.
5. SIT and STAY were hard enough, GREP and AWK are out of the question!
4. Saliva-coated mouse gets mighty difficult to maneuver.
3. Annoyed by lack of newsgroup, alt.pictures.master's.leg.
2. Butt-sniffing more direct and less deceiving than online chat rooms.

and the Number 1 Reason Dogs Do Not Use Computers...

1. TrO{gO DsA[M,bN HyAqR4tDc TgrOo TgYPmE WeIjTyH P;AzWqS,.*

The Rain

It's raining out. I hope the dogs are dry and warm in their kennels. Of course, it might not be raining in Penrose. They should be in their kennels though because it's dark out. They go in when it gets dark out. I'll always worry about them when there's bad weather.

I've changed the look of the Dog Blog. I hope it's agreeable to everyone!

Always something there to remind me...

On our way to get lunch, we drove by the field where we would take Skooter so he could run . I looked out there longingly, thinking I might see my dog running around. He wasn't there though.

It's cloudy here. I wonder if it's cloudy down in Penrose. I hope it's sunny because Skooter loves laying in the sun.

I wish I could see him just one more time. I'd like to take some pictures of him and me. I don't have any pictures of me and Moped either. And I'd like to get some more videos of them. It's just a dream though. I know it wouldn't be good for them to see us again. They're settled in now and it would just make it harder for them. And for us. I'm not saying that they aren't missing us, I think Skooter still does miss me, but he'll get over it soon.

I just need to think about them right now. It comforts me to think of them.

Saturday

Today would have been another training day for the dogs. I don't miss all the chaos of having to cart the dogs back and forth across town three times in one day. I do miss the dogs though. I spent time crying last night because I missed them. Today I just feel sad. I look at the RM GSP Rescue site twenty times a day. I'm looking for the profile to have 'adoption pending' on it. I'm anxious for them to be adopted so I can get on with my life. I can't let go as long as they are down at the Rescue. I don't want to let go when they get adopted but I may have to. :-(

The only thing that keeps me going is knowing how great they are doing down at the Rescue. I know that they get up, get out of their kennels for the day and play with each other and the other dogs. They get to run around all day. They get to go to PetCo and be demonstration dogs. And they get to shop at PetCo! By the time night rolls around and it's time to go into their kennels, they are ready to bed down for the night. They are used to sleeping in their kennels so it's not much of an adjustment for them to kennel up at night.

I made the CD's and wrote the letters for the new owners. I think I need to tweak the letters a bit. The CD's came out really good. One is a slideshow of pictures, the other is a compilation of digital camera videos of Skooter and Moped. It was fun to watch them.

Blood lines

Both Skooter and Moped were bred from championship blood lines. They are awesome dogs because they were bred so well. They will be excellent dogs as they mature. I think Skooter would excel in Agility and Moped would excel in Obedience. They both will excel as the most handsome, most loved dogs in the world! :-)

A letter to Moped's new family

To: Moped’s new family From: His first mom and dad


Here is a bit of history on Moped:

Moped was born in Peyton, CO on June 18, 2006. There were ten puppies in his litter. His breeders, Kathy and Rick, are a really nice couple. They let us come out and visit Moped when he was only six weeks old and they let us bring Skooter out to meet Moped. The first time we saw Moped was at Kathy and Rick’s ranch in Peyton. It wasn’t easy to pick him out because all the puppies were so cute. But it wasn’t long before Moped picked us out. He walked his cute little puppy legs right up to David. That was it. We knew he would be our boy. We had already picked his name out so we started calling him Moped. Kathy would use his name over the next two weeks so he would get used to it. He was named Moped because we already had another GSP named Skooter (Skooter, Moped, you get it!). I chose Moped’s AKC name: Samantha’s Prince of the Pines (Skooter’s AKC name is Samantha’s Prince of the Prairie).

We visited Moped twice before we picked him up when he was a day shy of being eight weeks old. Skooter came out once. They got along great. Skooter seemed to love Moped right away. We were living in Colorado Springs when we got Moped. He was very playful and full of energy when he wasn’t sleeping. He loved playing with Skooter. They would play fight all the time. Moped was always a stocky boy. He had huge paws even as a puppy. He grew and grew and grew. And he and Skooter got along great.

We were blessed that Kathy had given us some pictures of Moped in his first eight weeks. And we had the picture of the first time that David ever held Moped. So in August of 2006 we added eight week old Moped to the family. Skooter loved him. They got along really well. Skooter seemed like such a big boy now compared to the new puppy, but Skooter still had a lot of puppy left in him.

Things went well for quite a while. But soon the dogs were showing some behavior problems: aggressive chewing and whining. They were bored. They weren't getting enough exercise and it was showing in their new behaviors. We realized that keeping the dogs with us might not be the best thing for them. They needed a home that had more activity and a higher energy level. We started considering what was best for the dogs, not what was best for us. I decided to give it one more try and brought the dogs for a behavior evaluation at All Breed Rescue and Training. They were awesome in the evaluation. Very good boys. But the evaluator could see that they were bored. So we put them in obedience classes and a home program. There were lots of toys and chews and project toys (like the tug a jug and kongs) to keep them busy but Moped had become wild running around the house and jumping on the furniture. They both would play fight the majority of the time that they were out of their kennels. They were indeed bored. I put Moped in Doggy Day Care a couple days a week. He loved, loved, loved being around all the other dogs. I would get to watch him on the Doggy Day Care’s web cam. I could see him having a great time.

I already had the surrender form from Rocky Mountain GSP Rescue. I had already considered surrendering them. And in March, even though they were in the middle of training and Moped was in Day Care, I realized that I was just postponing the inevitable. These dogs needed more than we could give them. So I made the hardest decision I've ever had to make and surrendered the dogs to the Rescue.

It was a beautiful Sunday. We gathered all their stuff and crated them down to Penrose, CO. I didn't want to let them go. I wanted to be selfish. But I knew it was best for them to have a chance to be re-homed with a more appropriate family. Leaving them at the Rescue was difficult. However, it was made easier by Moped jumping in with all four paws and getting to know the other dogs. Moped loves being around other dogs.

Moped is so happy go lucky and thrilled wherever he is. I checked in on them a few times in the first week and was told by the Rescue owner that they were doing just great. And he wasn't bored anymore. He had other dogs to play with and he was out of his kennel all day.

I hope that Moped is as loved in his new home as much as he is loved by me. He will be nine months old on March 18, 2006. I hope he is in his forever home by the time he is ten months old. This is just the beginning of Moped’s story. He has a long life to look forward to. I hope I can keep tabs on him as he grows and matures. I don't ever want to lose touch with him. He is my boy.

If there is anything else you’d like to know about Moped, please feel free to contact us or check out Moped’s blog.

A letter to Skooter's new family

To: Skooter’s new family From: His first mom and dad


Here is a bit of history on Skooter

Skooter was born in Monument, CO on May 1st, 2005. I think there were nine puppies in his litter. His breeder, Dave, is a really nice guy. He brought Skooter's mom and sister (from an earlier litter) with him when he brought the puppies for us to consider. The first time we saw Skooter was at the McDonalds parking lot up in Monument. Dave brought the two puppies he had left from the litter to the McDonalds parking lot (a convenient place to meet). It was a joy to pick our little puppy. Dave had been calling him 'Truck' because he was always going underneath his truck. I didn't like the name Truck though. Brad was living with us then and he really took to the puppy. We watched the puppies, their mom and their sister romp around a field across the street. That's when we decided on our puppy. David, Brad and I took the puppy into the truck and headed home. It only took minutes for Brad to come up with the name Skooter. He said he watched the puppy scoot around in the field, so Skooter would be the perfect name for him. So Skooter it was. I came up with Skooter's AKC name: Samantha's Prince of the Prairie. Skooter was about 10 weeks old when we got him in August of 2005. He was so cute. We were living in Colorado Springs when we first got Skooter and Brad lived with us. Skooter often slept with Brad. Skooter was very playful and full of energy when he wasn't sleeping. He also ate everything he could get his mouth on. He had to have an emergency surgery to get a huge wad of 'stuff' out of his tiny little belly. He recovered well. That incident cost us $3,000. We were in it for the long haul with Skooter. I would do anything for him.
In December of 2005 we moved up to Woodland Park to a house that had three acres of land. Skooter loved having so much room to run around in. He also had a buddy now, Olie, our kids dog. Skooter got to chase butterflies, play in the snow and romp endlessly around the property. We still had to keep an eye on his 'eating' habit, but he was doing a lot better. For a while we had to use a muzzle on him, but that didn't last for too long. He got the hint that he shouldn't eat everything that was on the ground (sticks, twigs, grass, etc). Skooter always stayed lanky but muscular. He grew and grew and grew. The kids got another dog besides Olie the beagle. She was a giant breed, a Leonberger, named Genesis. The three dogs got along famously.
In April of 2006 I wrote a letter to Skooter's mom, from Skooter to celebrate his first birthday which was coming up on May 1, 2006. Here's the letter:
Dear Mom,I’ll be one year old soon and I just wanted to thank you and Mr. Davidson for bringing me into the world. It is because of both of you that I had the chance to have the life that I am living now. I am very happy living with my new family. I am their special boy. I love to go for car rides and they let me sleep on the bed with them at night. I get to play outside all the time and run around. I have two other dogs to play with at my house. I have lots of fun and I am loved a lot. Mom, I miss you, but I want you to know that I am happy. I am a big boy now and my life is good. Please give Mr. Davidson a lick for me so he’ll know that I love him too and that I thank him for all he has done for me. I hope that you are proud of the big boy that I have become, Mom. I love you.Your boy,Skooter (who will be one year old on May 1st)
I put some black paint on his paw and let him 'sign' his letter to his mom. Days later we received a heart wrenching letter from Dave. He had received the letter from Skooter but it had arrived just a couple of days late - Skooter's mom had passed away from complications from a tick bite. We were devastated. Thankfully we had a picture of Skooter, his sister and his mom to remember her by. It was one of the saddest days of my life. I cried for Skooter's mom.
In June of 2006 we moved back to the Springs without the kids and grandkids and without Olie and Genesis. Skooter was so sad, missing his buddies. It wasn't long before we decided to get another dog so Skooter wouldn't be so unhappy. David had already decided if we got another dog we would call him Moped (Skooter and Moped, get it!), so in August of 2006 we added eight week old Moped to the family. Skooter loved him. They got along really well. Skooter seemed like such a big boy now compared to the new puppy, but Skooter still had a lot of puppy left in him.
Things went well for quite a while. But soon the dogs were showing some behavior problems: aggressive chewing and whining. They were bored. They weren't getting enough exercise and it was showing in their new behaviors. We realized that keeping the dogs with us might not be the best thing for them. They needed a home that had more activity and a higher energy level. We started considering what was best for the dogs, not what was best for us. I decided to give it one more try and brought the dogs for a behavior evaluation at All Breed Rescue and Training. They were awesome in the evaluation. Very good boys. But the evaluator could see that they were bored. So we put them in obedience classes and a home program. There were lots of toys and chews and project toys (like the tug a jug and kongs) to keep them busy but Moped had become wild running around the house and jumping on the furniture. They both would play fight the majority of the time that they were out of their kennels. The were indeed bored.
I already had the surrender form from Rocky Mountain GSP Rescue. I had already consideded surrendering them. And in March, even though they were in the middle of training, I realized that I was just postponing the inevitable. These dogs needed more than we could give them. So I made the hardest decision I've ever had to make and surrendered the dogs to the Rescue. It was a beautiful Sunday. We gathered all their stuff and crated them down to Penrose, CO. I didn't want to let them go. I wanted to be selfish. But I knew it was best for them to have a chance to be re-homed with a more appropriate family. Leaving them at the Rescue was difficult. Especially since Skooter sat at the door, looking in, wanting me to let him in, wondering why I was leaving him. He was whining for me. I cried. And I cried some more. Being without Skooter was horrible, but I knew I had done the right thing for him.
Skooter and I were really bonded together. I missed him terribly. It was easier to let Moped go, especially since he is so happy go lucky and happy wherever he is. But Skooter was my boy and I worried about him. I checked in on them a few times in the first week and was told by the Rescue owner that they were doing just great. She asked me if I knew that Skooter smiled. I said yes, I did know he smiled. It made me happy to think that he was down there and he was smiling. He was happy. And he wasn't bored anymore. He had other dogs to play with and he was out of his kennel all day.
It's only been a week and a half since he left, but it feels like a lifetime. I haven't been able to let him go yet. He's still my boy and always will be. There's a chance that a man who is a runner might be interested in taking Skooter. I hope Skooter is as loved in his new home as much as he is loved by me.
Skooter will be two years old in May. I hope he is in his forever home by then. This is just the beginning of Skooter's story. He has a long life to look forward to. I hope I can keep tabs on him as he grows and matures. I don't ever want to lose touch with him. He is my boy.

When Skooter was younger he use to eat everything he could get his mouth on - sticks, twigs, grass, bits of cloth. You name it and Skooter ate it. When it finally all got waded up into a big ball in his stomach we had to bring him in for emergency surgery. They saved his life that day. I will forever be grateful (even though it cost $3,000!!!). After the surgery, when we could finally look back at the situation with some humor we decided that Skooter was just a 'lazy bird dog'. He was building a nest inside his tummy so that the birds would come to him instead of him having to go and point at them. :-) Genius!It is memories like Skooter being a 'lazy bird dog' that make the time we had with him completely worth while. And thankfully he grew out of 'making his little nests'. :-) He's a true, active Pointer now.

If there is anything else you’d like to know about Skooter, please feel free to contact us or check out Skooter’s blog.

Sad realization

They really are gone. And soon they will be owned by someone else. It's nice right now because I can get emails from Kris about how they are doing and I can see them on the RM GSP web site. But soon that won't be the case. I really hope that their new owners will stay in touch with me so I can keep up with the dogs. I made CD's of all their pictures for the new owners. I'll send them off to Kris tomorrow. I should try to write my letters to the new owners tonight. That way I can get it all sent out at the same time.

David's at hockey tonight and the house is more quiet than it used to be. The cats are on my lap though (Minnie and Paulie). Even Lynn misses the dogs and she lives in Alabama. She's so used to hearing Moped scratching and Skooter whining when I'm on the phone. Or she'd hear me going crazy because they were out of their kennels :-) I miss them but I don't miss keeping them in their kennels. I'm happy to know they spend the majority of the day out of their kennels.

But they are gone and they will soon be adopted. I'm going to have to let go some day.

Skooter's profile undated on RM GSP Rescue site

Skooter is a very sweet 2 year old boy. Skooter loves to go on walks and hardly ever pulls on the leash. He also knows "sit," "down," and "stay" and loves to be the center of attention. Skooter is great in the house and is completely crate trained and house trained. Skooter enjoys the company of people more so than with dogs, but, gets along very well with other dogs. Skooter can be timid at first, but he warms up to people very quickly and loves to please people as much as he can. He has attended two training classes at PetCo as a demo dog and was a wonderful obedience example. Skooter is calm and attentive and is a quick learner. He would not do good in a home with cats and would prefer to be in a home where he is the one and only.

Skooter would make a great companion and a wonderful friend. He has a lot of potential to become an awesome hiking buddy, because he never leaves your sight. He always looks back to see where you're at. This very friendly and loveable young boy is waiting to become a part of your family! Contact us today about Skooter! POSTED 3/9/2007

Email from Obs

I tell ya Skooter, I really hope you and your brother find a forever home...are you going together as a package deal? My mom wants to rescue a dog when we're ready for another. You're both so adorable...we're really happy you have a good place to stay in the meantime. Well, I'm wimping now b/c my mom & dad are going out to dinner. You have a good weekend Skooter, if we don't catch you!!~ Obs

I'm happy

It's so cool to think of Moped and Skooter getting to go to PetCo with Kris and her daughter. They really are putting time into the dogs. That makes me happy. And it's nice to know that the boys get to go 'shopping'. :-) It's also nice to know that they are getting to be in the house some of the time. Skooter loves being lazy in the house. I'm sure Moped is still a wild man in the house but getting better every day.

Kris' daughter really caught Moped's personality in his profile. She certainly must be spending quality time with him.

And it's nice to hear that Skooter is social and friendly. And he is a doll!

I'm going to send some money to Kris to help out with the Rescue. I wish I could send a lot more but I'll send what I can. We just had to pay $3200 for car repairs so money is a bit tight.

Every email from Kris is precious to me. I enjoy the updates on the boys.

I've decided that I'm going to make a CD for the people who get the dogs of all the pictures of the dogs when they were younger. I'd like to get the 'baby' pictures of them if it was me adopting them. There aren't that many of them but I'll make it a slideshow and put music to it. It'll be a fun project.

Happy, happy, happy! It makes my heart swell to know that my boys are so loved and taken care of.

An update from Kris (RM GSP Rescue)

Morning Samantha,

Have you checked the website lately? My daughter read what I wrote about Moped and she changed it - she's been the one working with him mostly and those are her thoughts describing him. Yesterday I went with her to her training class at PetCo, and we took along Skooter - what an absolutely wonderful doll he is! He was so social and friendly with everyone - and he LOVES to shop! He left there with a bunch of new goodies. He in the house today and laying on the floor chomping on one of his purchases from yesterday. He needs to learn some manners for in the house, but he's well on his way.

Email from Obi and Skooter's reply

Previous Woof Sent: 03/06/07 3:37 pm
Woofed From: ♣ Obi ♣
Woofed To: Skooter
Subject: Re: You're a good looking dog!

Hey, I hunt with a GSP and my big brother Pepper who I never met was my mommy's first love, so I'd love to be friends with you!!! You're pretty good looking yourself!! My mom thinks you look like a combination of me and Pepper...both you and your brother! My mom would give you a big fat kiss on that face of yours if you were in front of her right now...you're so cute!!

====================
Obi,

Thanks for all the compliments and stuff that you had to say about me and my brother. Our mom thinks we are very handsome too. I would love for your mom to give me a big, fat kiss! (blushing)

I've never been hunting. I look forward to doing it one day though. I'll point the heck out of those birds!! :-) I love to watch birds. I used to have a lot of birds in my backyard to watch. Now I'm down at the Rescue and living life large. It's great living here. I get to be out of my kennel all day and lay in the sun or play with the other dogs. I do look forward to someone adopting me though. I'd like to have a forever home and someone to run or play with all the time.

Until then, I'd be happy to be friends with you, Obi.

From,
Skooter

Another dream

I was dreaming about Skooter. He had barked really loud so I called him to me. He looked so beautiful and handsome in the dream, just as in real life. I was calling him to come up and lay with me on the bed. Before he got up there I woke up.

There was a tug at my heart when I once again realized that he is not here. But I know that it's going to be another beautiful day and he will be outside all day to enjoy the sun. That thought comforts me and makes this all easier to get through.

Changing the subject:

When Skooter was younger he use to eat everything he could get his mouth on - sticks, twigs, grass, bits of cloth. You name it and Skooter ate it. When it finally all got waded up into a big ball in his stomach we had to bring him in for emergency surgery. They saved his life that day. I will forever be grateful (even though it cost $3,000!!!). After the surgery, when we could finally look back at the situation with some humor we decided that Skooter was just a 'lazy bird dog'. He was building a nest inside his tummy so that the birds would come to him instead of him having to go and point at them. :-) Genius!

It is memories like Skooter being a 'lazy bird dog' that make the time we had with him completely worth while. And thankfully he grew out of 'making his little nests'. :-) He's a true, active Pointer now.

Encouragement

It is with encouragement like this that I am able to make it through the loss of my dogs:

"Have your dogs been moved to their new homes yet? I know that that is hard for you but it shows how much you care about what's best for them. I respect you for that. It had to be hard." - Gail

Seeing these words means the world to me. It is hard and I do care about what's best for my dogs. Having supportive friends is what will sustain me.

Moped's profile changed

Kris changed Moped's profile on the RM GSP Rescue site. It's even better than it originally was:

Moped is a very delightful, fun loving 10-month old GSP. He has tons of energy and loves to play all day long! Moped gets along great with other dogs, and does ok with cats. Moped knows how to "sit," "down," and "stay." He walks wonderfully on leash and never pulls! Moped has attended three training classes at PetCo as a demo dog and behaves beautifully and made a great obedience example! He's very social with people and is great with young kids! He also loves to go shopping! Moped will grab things off the shelves at PetCo and walk around with the item in his mouth. He is a very inquisitive dog and loves to explore! Moped still needs to learn to settle down in a house, but is getting better every time!
Moped is registered with AKC and has the potential to be a great obedience dog. He's very attentive to people and does whatever you ask of him willingly. He hardly ever gets distracted! Moped is a great dog and needs a home that will exercise both his mind and body.
Please contact us about Moped today! He's a great dog and deserves a good home! POSTED: 3/8/2007

Latest pictures

Here are the latest pictures of Skooter and Moped. Kris at the RM GSP Rescue took the pictures today. My boys look great! These are the pictures she's using on the Rescue site. Who could resist these boys? They'll get adopted quickly. :-)

A lovely email from Kris (RM GSP Rescue)

Morning Samantha,

Sorry about the mispelling of Skooter's name - got it fixed now. Today we will be taking pictures and I hope to have them posted by tonight.

These boys are such wonderful dogs! Give yourself a huge pat on the back for how well you cared for them and I can definitely tell you've put lots of time into them. They are a pair of wild boys, but with all the exercise they are getting here, they are anxious to get into the crate at night and go to sleep. They are very well behaved!

I told you that my daughter had been taking Moped along to work with her. Now for the next week she's going to take Skooter to PetCo in Pueblo so that he can attend the classes and socialize with the other dogs and their handlers. Then after work she goes to the Pueblo Reservoir and the dogs get to stretch their legs romping around the lake and playing. So Skooter will be having some very full days coming up.

Take care!

Kris

Moped's profile on RM GSP site!

Moped is a gorgeous 10-month old neutered male GSP. He is all puppy and most definitely all GSP! He has lots and lots of energy, but is such a sweetheart. Moped is housetrained, crate trained, walks well on leash, has lived inside a home and has good house manners, gets along great with other dogs, and even ignores cats! He loves to play and almost always has something in his mouth. This fun loving youngster is patiently waiting for his new family to come along. POSTED: 3/7/2007

Kris did an excellent job of capturing Moped in words. This will help him get a home soon, I'm sure of it. Check it out for yourself: http://rockymtngsp.org

Skooter's profile on the RM GSP site!

Skooter is an adorable almost two year old neutered male GSP. This dog is truly delightful. He is housetrained, crate trained, walks great on leash, has lived inside a home and has good house manners, gets along well with other dogs, it is unknown how he'd be around a cat. He knows some basic obedience commands and loves to be near his people. He is not a barker and does not dig. Skooter loves to smile. This boy is ready made and anxiously waiting to find his new home. POSTED: 3/7/2007

Kris nailed it. She described Skooter really well. She caught all his good qualities. I think this is a great post and will get him a home sooner rather than later. Check it out for yourself: http://www.rockymtngsp.org/

A rough day

David is having a rough day today. He's really missing the dogs, especially Mr. Wiggles. I don't know how to console him because I am grieving too. I can keep saying we've done the right thing, but it seems hollow somehow.

They are still not on the Rescue's website. I feel like it won't be real to me until I see them posted online. It occurred to me last night that someone else will soon own my dogs. I won't be there owner any more. I'm not right now as far as that goes. I've given them up. I need to let go.

I've been thinking that I should have changed my lifestyle to fit them. I should have become more active and expressed more energy. Was I not willing to change for them? Or is it what it is - a poor match of human and breed. Love wasn't enough. They needed a lot more than just love. They needed exercise and disipline (obedience) and I wasn't consistent enough in those areas.

I feel like I failed them.

Just wanna say...

I really miss my dogs. :-(

Skooter's Story

Skooter was born in Monument, CO on May 1st, 2005. I think there were nine puppies in his litter. His breeder, Dave, is a really nice guy. He brought Skooter's mom and sister (from an earlier litter) with him when he brang the puppies for us to consider. The first time we saw Skooter was at the McDonalds parking lot up in Monument. Dave brought the two puppies he had left from the litter to the McDonalds parking lot (a convenient place to meet). It was a joy to pick our little puppy. Dave had been calling him 'Truck' because he was always going underneath his truck. I didn't like the name Truck though. Brad was living with us then and he really took to the puppy. We watched the puppies, their mom and their sister romp around a field across the street. That's when we decided on our puppy. David, Brad and I took the puppy into the truck and headed home. It only took minutes for Brad to come up with the name Skooter. He said he watched the puppy skoot around in the field, so Skooter would be the perfect name for him. So Skooter it was. I came up with Skooter's AKC name: Samantha's Prince of the Prairie. Skooter was about 10 weeks old when we got him in August of 2005. He was so cute. We were living in Colorado Springs when we first got Skooter and Brad lived with us. Skooter often slept with Brad. Skooter was very playful and full of energy when he wasn't sleeping. He also ate everything he could get his mouth on. He had to have an emergency surgery to get a huge wad of 'stuff' out of his tiny little belly. He recovered well. That incident cost us $3,000. We were in it for the long haul with Skooter. I would do anything for him.

In December of 2005 we moved up to Woodland Park to a house that had three acres of land. Skooter loved having so much room to run around in. He also had a buddy now, Olie, our kids dog. Skooter got to chase butterflies, play in the snow and romp endlessly around the property. We still had to keep an eye on his 'eating' habit, but he was doing a lot better. For a while we had to use a muzzle on him, but that didn't last for too long. He got the hint that he shouldn't eat everything that was on the ground (sticks, twigs, grass, etc). Skooter always stayed lanky but muscular. He grew and grew and grew. The kids got another dog besides Olie the beagle. She was a giant breed, a Leonberger, named Genesis. The three dogs got along famously.

In April of 2006 I wrote a letter to Skooter's mom, from Skooter to celebrate his first birthday which was coming up on May 1, 2006. Here's the letter:

Dear Mom,

I’ll be one year old soon and I just wanted to thank you and Mr. Davidson for bringing me into the world. It is because of both of you that I had the chance to have the life that I am living now. I am very happy living with my new family. I am their special boy. I love to go for car rides and they let me sleep on the bed with them at night. I get to play outside all the time and run around. I have two other dogs to play with at my house. I have lots of fun and I am loved a lot. Mom, I miss you, but I want you to know that I am happy. I am a big boy now and my life is good. Please give Mr. Davidson a lick for me so he’ll know that I love him too and that I thank him for all he has done for me. I hope that you are proud of the big boy that I have become, Mom. I love you.

Your boy,

Skooter (who will be one year old on May 1st)

I put some black paint on his paw and let him 'sign' his letter to his mom. Days later we received a heart wrenching letter from Dave. He had received the letter from Skooter but it had arrived just a couple of days late - Skooter's mom had passed away from complications from a tick bite. We were devastated. Thankfully we had a picture of Skooter, his sister and his mom to remember her by. It was one of the saddest days of my life. I cried for Skooter's mom.

In June of 2006 we moved back to the Springs without the kids and grandkids and without Olie and Genesis. Skooter was so sad, missing his buddies. It wasn't long before we decided to get another dog so Skooter wouldn't be so unhappy. David had already decided if we got another dog we would call him Moped (Skooter and Moped, get it!), so in August of 2006 we added eight week old Moped to the family. Skooter loved him. They got along really well. Skooter seemed like such a big boy now compared to the new puppy, but Skooter still had a lot of puppy left in him.

Things went well for quite a while. But soon the dogs were showing some behavior problems: aggressive chewing and whining. They were bored. They weren't getting enough exercise and it was showing in their new behaviors. We realized that keeping the dogs with us might not be the best thing for them. They needed a home that had more activity and a higher energy level. We started considering what was best for the dogs, not what was best for us. I decided to give it one more try and brought the dogs for a behavior evaluation at All Breed Rescue and Training. They were awesome in the evaluation. Very good boys. But the evaluator could see that they were bored. So we put them in obedience classes and a home program. There were lots of toys and chews and project toys (like the tug a jug and kongs) to keep them busy but Moped had become wild running around the house and jumping on the furniture. They both would play fight the majority of the time that they were out of their kennels. The were indeed bored.

I already had the surrender form from Rocky Mountain GSP Rescue. I had already consideded surrendering them. And in March, even though they were in the middle of training, I realized that I was just postponing the inevitable. These dogs needed more than we could give them. So I made the hardest decision I've ever had to make and surrendered the dogs to the Rescue. It was a beautiful Sunday. We gathered all their stuff and crated them down to Penrose, CO. I didn't want to let them go. I wanted to be selfish. But I knew it was best for them to have a chance to be re-homed with a more appropriate family. Leaving them at the Rescue was difficult. Especially since Skooter sat at the door, looking in, wanting me to let him in, wondering why I was leaving him. He was whining for me. I cried. And I cried some more. Being without Skooter was horrible, but I knew I had done the right thing for him.

Skooter and I were really bonded together. I missed him terribly. It was easier to let Moped go, especially since he is so happy go lucky and happy wherever he is. But Skooter was my boy and I worried about him. I checked in on them a few times in the first week and was told by the Rescue owner that they were doing just great. She asked me if I knew that Skooter smiled. I said yes, I did know he smiled. It made me happy to think that he was down there and he was smiling. He was happy. And he wasn't bored anymore. He had other dogs to play with and he was out of his kennel all day.

It's only been a week and a half since he left, but it feels like a lifetime. I haven't been able to let him go yet. He's still my boy and always will be. There's a chance that a man who is a runner might be interested in taking Skooter. I hope Skooter is as loved in his new home as much as he is loved by me.

Skooter will be two years old in May. I hope he is in his forever home by then. This is just the beginning of Skooter's story. He has a long life to look forward to. I hope I can keep tabs on him as he grows and matures. I don't ever want to lose touch with him. He is my boy.

Just wondering

I'm just wondering what the dogs are up to right now. It's another beautiful day and I'm sure they are enjoying being outside all day. Moped might have gone to work with Kris' daughter. They could be playing with the other dogs or laying in the sun. Whatever they are doing, it's better than them being in their kennels.

Just a dream

I woke up panicking. I had just had a disturbing dream. In the dream, I had forgotten that Skooter and Moped were out. It was a cold, windy, snowy day. I had abandoned them to the elements. Skooter came to the door with his fur standing up and frozen. Moped? Where was Moped? I scanned the yard quickly. There he was, snow covered and frozen, under a tree. I was afraid to call to him, but I did. And he moved, slowly but he moved. I hustled them both inside.

That's when I woke up panicking. How could I have done that to my boys? Wait, it was just a dream. Or was it? Haven't I truly abandoned them to a foreign place. I know, I know, they are doing well down there, but that doesn't change the fact that I left them there. I can still see Skooter's face at the door when we were leaving. He was whining, wondering why I wouldn't let him in. And absolutely wondering why I was leaving him.

I cried myself to sleep last night with that image burning brightly in my mind. No wonder I had the dream that I did. I do feel like I've abandoned them. Doing what is right is not always easy. Sometimes it's the hardest thing you'll ever do. But you know you have to do it because it's the best thing for everyone in the long run. In the short term, it just feels miserable.

So I thought that if I sat down and typed out the dream, I would feel better having got it out. No, not really. It was too real and too startling. It's a cold night out and I hope they have their blankets in their kennels to keep them warm. I need to be able to visualize them in their kennels, all curled up on their blankets, sleeping peacefully. I need to be able to do that. I won't be able to get through the night if I can't see them resting, warm and comfortable.

I wonder if I'll ever be able to let them go? Will they always feel like my dogs? Will it feel like they are just on loan to someone else? Do I fantasize about getting them back one day - absolutely! I dream of winning the lottery so I can buy a house with lots of property, property for the dogs to romp on. I dream of setting up my own GSP Rescue and having my boys back. The official mascots of the Rescue. I dream about helping out the Rescue in Penrose. I wish it wasn't just a dream. I love GSP's and I'd love to Rescue them. With help I could do it.

But there won't be any lottery win and there won't be any Rescue. And there won't be any bringing the boys home where they belong. There will just be sadness and a void.

Another dog? No!

I can't even imagine having a dog who's not Skooter or Moped. What would be the point? I'd always be missing them and could probably not get too attached to a new dog anyway. They would not be like Skooter and Moped. I just love GSP's. If I can't have my dogs I don't want any dog.

Jury duty

I had jury duty today. It was weird being away from the house all day and not having to worry about the dogs. I did think of them, but I didn't have to worry that they were stuck in their kennels all day. When it was time to go home I did think that I needed to rush home to let the dogs out. I was sad when I realized that they were not at home. And I've been a bit sad since then.

I created a page on Dogster for Moped and Skooter. It makes me feel good to keep remembering them. I know that they are no longer mine, but I still love them dearly.

Today while I was in court I thought about what the dogs might be doing at that time. Were they outside playing? Was Moped 'at work'? Were they laying in the sun of the beautiful day we had today? Skooter and Moped both love laying in the sun.

It still feels empty at home without them but I know I've done the right thing by them.

At ease

For the first time in a week I feel at ease about Skooter and Moped. The cat's on the other hand are driving me crazy. They want to be on me all the time. It's hard for me to get laptop time because they have become my furry laptops! If we ever get another dog it's going to have to be socialized with the cats. I don't ever want them to feel that they need to stay in the bedroom again.

It's nice to know that Skooter and Moped are doing well in their interim home. I'm excited about them getting adopted to forever homes as soon as is possible.

Bittersweet

I can only describe how I feel as bittersweet. I am so happy that my dogs are doing great but at the same time I'm sad that they are not here with me. I am however greatly relieved that Kris had nothing but good things to tell me about them. And I'm so proud that Moped can go to work with her daughter. I'll always think of them as my dogs and I'll always want to know how they are doing.

I was just thinking that I should write a letter to their prospective new owner(s) and tell them about Skooter and Moped. I'll let them know about their nicknames and why they have them. I can tell them how much they are loved by David and by me and how it was a tough, but right decision to send them to the Rescue. I think maybe I will work on those letters later. I'll have to put some thought into it first.

Another email from Susan

I received another email from Susan, the inventor of the Tug A Jug:

Hi Samantha,

I'm glad I was able to lift your spirits. Everything will work out. Thanks for all the praise for my toy. I appreciate it. It really makes me happy to know that people get as much joy watching their dogs play with it as I do. When you are ready to try again with a dog, I highly recommend a Boston. I had a greyhound and a lab growing up but Bostons rule!

Here is a link to my dog Oreo's website and Droxie's. You'll be able to click on the videos there too. One os my babies playing with it. The Tug a Jug demo video was made for the company that makes my toy. I think you'll also get a kick out of the "Oreo and Droxie" show video. That is them at a talent show at the school I work in. I hope it puts a smile on your face.

Hang in there! I'll be praying for you and Moped and Skooter. They'll be fine.

Sincerely,
Susan

P.S. I love Colorado Springs. My brother graduated from the USAFA in 91 and I've been out there twice.

Oreo's site - the one with the videos : http://www.dogster.com/pet_page.php?i=457841&url=new
Droxie's site - http://www.dogster.com/dogs/457793


Isn't that a nice email. I checked out Oreo's and Droxie's web pages. They have videos and everything. They know all kinds of tricks. They are so cute. There's one video of them playing with the Tug A Jug. It reminded me of Skooter and Moped playing with it. It warmed my heart.

We've been thinking of getting Boston Terriers, isn't that interesting. I'm going to start researching them even more now that I've seen Susan's dogs.

Happy Happy Joy Joy

I heard back from Kris. Skooter and Moped are doing great. Moped gets to go to work with her daughter and he behaves. Skooter has been caught smiling! :-) That means he's happy down there at the Rescue. She said that they both burn up a lot of energy now and when they come in the house they aren't the wild dogs that they were at first. They are already making progress! Two families are already interested in them. The family that's interested in Moped has kids and a big yard. The guy who's interested in Skooter runs two miles a day and wants a companion. Skooter would be an awesome companion dog. Kris said they are both getting into the routine at the rescue. They are eating well and playing with the other dogs. She had nothing but good things to say about how they are doing. That makes me feel so much better. It lightens my heart and makes me smile.

I told Kris that Skooter's nickname is Mr. Wiggles. I told her how he wiggles his whole body when he gets excited and that when you call him Mr. Wiggles he will wiggle even more. She said she would watch for him to do this.

As I was talking to her on the phone her daughter was leaving for work and taking Moped with her. It was comforting to know that Moped was there and was getting to go out. That's what I've wanted for them.

Kris said that she sends a Christmas card to all the owners each year and asks them to fill out a short questionaire about how the dogs are doing. She also requests a picture of them so that she knows that they are healthy. Hopefully I'll be able to keep tabs on my boys.

She asked if I had a soft spot in my heart for Skooter. I told her that yes, I do. He's my boy. She reassured me that he is happy and behaving really well. I am so proud of him and Moped.

So, I am a happy camper now. I know my boys are doing well and will continue to do well. She may get their profiles online today. They may have homes by the end of the month! Even if they stay at the rescue for a bit longer, they are better off than they were here with us. I can't even tell you how happy I am right now. And Kris said I could call anytime I wanted to. THAT made me feel great. I will feel like I have to call less just knowing that I can call. And I won't worry about them now that I know that they are doing well. I'll probably wait to hear from Kris when she has some news to tell me. I sure do miss them but I'm very happy for them. Imagaine, Moped going to work with her daughter. Who would have thunk it!

Hearing from the Tug A Jug inventor!

I received an email fron the woman who invented the Tug A Jug:

Hi,

You don't know me but I am the woman (a teacher) who invented the Tug A Jug and I found your blog when I was searching for feedback about my toy. I just read your blog and learned that you decided to place your dogs with another family. I understand how difficult a choice that must have been and the guilt factor. However, we all make choices that we think are best and I'm sure the dogs will adjust and thrive in their new environment. One day, when you are ready, you can try again with maybe one dog and a smaller, calmer breed. Keeping Mope and Scooter (I think those are the names) was causing you a lot of stress which was seemingly leading to health problems. It wasn't the right situation for any of you. I can see from the pictures and reading your blog that you did try really hard and gave them so much. It just wasn't the right match of breed and human and maybe two big dogs was just too much. This happens to many people.

I'm glad you have the promise and comfort of Jesus, because he is with you and will give you the strength to get through this. Rest in him.

Sincerely,
Susan

What a nice email. It really lifted my spirits and brightened my day. I sent an email back to her:

Hi Susan,

Thank you for your wonderful email and for reading my blog. And thank you, thank you, thank you for inventing the Tug A Jug! Skooter and Moped had hours of endless entertainment with the Tug A Jug. They are aggressive chewers and it is a toy that can survive their play. Skooter loved it most of all. He is an intelligent dog and got it figured out fairly quickly, but that didn't take away the joy he had with it every time it was filled. They even enjoyed it when it was empty! I made sure that his Tug A Jug went with him and it makes me happy to know that he'll have fun with it again with his forever family. The Tug A Jug is a great project toy for Skooter and Moped and I wouldn't want Skooter to be without it. It is a great invention and Skooter and Moped would agree with that! Thank you for bringing back such fun memories for me. I am actually smiling and feel good inside. You should be proud of your invention, it's brought a lot of happiness to my family.

Thank you for your reassurance that I've done the right thing. You will never know how much it means to me that you have said that.

I am comforted by my faith, though sometimes I forget where I can find such comfort. Thankfully I have wonderful friends who pray for me and with me about my situation with the dogs and remind me where the truth can be found. They know how difficult a decision this has been for me.

Again, Skooter thanks you for inventing the Tug A Jug and I thank you for the fond memories it has brought back.

Blessings,
Samantha

What a great way to start my day!

Dealing with guilt

Guilt is an interesting thing. Guilt is an affective state in which one experiences conflict at having done something one believes one should not have done. I am experiencing that conflict because I've given up the dogs and I believe and feel that I should not have given them up. It may well be the right thing to do, but I perceive that it was the wrong thing to do. I also feel guilty because there is a part of me that truly wanted to give up the dogs to make my life easier. I was told that re-homing a dog is the worse thing you can do and I believed that and feel guilty for wanting to give them up. Freud said 'to feel guilty is not to be guilty'. Just because I feel guilt doesn't make it a truth.

What is true? Giving up the dogs was the best thing for them and for me. It is okay that a part of me, the stressed out part, wanted to give them up to make our lives easier. Re-homing a dog is not the worse thing you can do. Keeping a dog in an inappropriate environment is the worse thing you can do. I love them and want the best life for them. I miss them and it is sad to be without them, but life is easier and less stressful with them gone. That's the honest truth.

3:30 a.m.

I walk into the hallway and immediately notice the quiet. But this morning, the quiet sounds nice, not empty. Minnie is asleep in my chair, something she would never do with the dogs here. Paulie is out here too, following along with me. They are free too. No sound of metal tags clinking on a callar to send them running under the bed. And I peer out the back, sliding door, noticing that the window is still clean a week later - no nose prints or foot prints to muddy it. Less cleaning for me to do. And I can go back to bed anytime I want to - no waiting for the dogs to decide to go back into their kennels. Their is immense freedom for all of us in this house. Even David, who is asleep, benefits from this situation - no dogs jumping up on the bed and waking him up. Not that it was the most annoying thing in the world, but it wasn't pleasant to be woken from a wonderful night's sleep by a spastic dog jumping all over and licking you to death. It is peaceful and quiet. It is freeing.

When my heart is troubled and I am worrying, I will pray that my mind and heart would be comforted with a peace that surpasses understanding. I will replace thoughts of worry with thoughts of scripture. I will bring into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ. I will remember Matthew 11:28-30:

Matthew 11:

28Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.
29Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls.
30For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

I will find rest for my soul. The anxiety and stress that I would normally be feeling has been replaced with a feeling of peace and contentment. I am still sad and will miss them always, but I can go on with my life without them in it. I have Jesus, who never leaves me.

The ironic thing is that the dogs are probably sleeping through the night more than I am at this point! :-) They are probably tired by bedtime from being out of their kennels all day. Especially Moped, who gets around.

I've emailed Kris three times and left her one phone message. I don't regret doing that because I needed to cope with my emotions some way. I just don't want her to think that I'm going to continue to contact her with my emotional outbursts when missing the dogs. They are not my dogs anymore. They belong to God and he will find good homes for them. And he told me that it may not look good at first, but that He is in charge and all things will work together for those who love God. He didn't say they would specifically work out for me, but that they would work TOGETHER for those who love Him. There is a plan. Even though we have free will and can make choices, there still is a master plan in place.

I had a dream about the dogs that I just remembered. Their profiles were added to the GSP Rescue sight and I was happy about that. It's the little things in life that make the most difference.

I will take a deep breath and remember what my goal and intent was when I re-homed the dogs: to get them more appropriate homes so they can be happier and more content. That's still my goal and that is still my intent.

It is okay to miss them. They were a huge part of my life, mostly they were my life, this past year and a half. Skooter and I are bonded together. I don't want that to go away. It is precious and I want it to stay with me for all time. Wonderful relationships never really end even though there may be some distance. People move on and sometimes dogs have to move on too. There's nothing wrong with feeling sad about that.

I feel at peace. My insides aren't rumbling around, I'm not feeling tremendous stress and I'm able to relax. It's been a long time since I felt this kind of freedom. It feels good.

I will not let my heart be troubled

Instead of worrying I will pray. I called Kris and left a message because I was feeling so worried about the dogs. I need to stop worrying and pray for peace in my mind and my heart. God will take care of this situation. I need to let go and let God be in control of this. I feel more peaceful now.

Haven't heard from the Rescue

I've sent three emails now but haven't heard back from Kris at the GSP Rescue. I'm trying not to let my imaginatin run wild, but it makes me a bit nervous to not hear from her. I could call, but I don't want to bug her. I just want to know how the dogs are doing. I struggled today, Dog Day, with going down there and taking them back. I know that's not what will be best for them in the long run, but I am feeling selfish and want them here.

I think part of the reason I'm really missing them today is that I know I'll be home alone tonight because David has hockey. I miss them most when I'm home alone. And it's hard to have David come home and not have the dogs here to greet him (even though greeting him meant tearing through the house and jumping on the furniture - the dogs, not David!).

I feel so much less stress now that they have been placed in the Rescue. I don't have to worry about David getting frustrated that they are whining. I don't have to listen to them whining and scratching on the kennel (Moped was the scratcher). I don't have to stress every time that they needed to go out meant having them running wild through the house and jumping on the furniture. I don't have to tie Skooter out to keep him from jumping the fence. I hope he's not being tied down at the Rescue, but if he's attempting to get out of the yard he may have to be tied out. I don't want that for my dogs.

I check the GSP site every day to see if their profiles have been added and so far they are not on there. I've sent an email to Kris asking how long she thinks she will need to evaluate them for before their profiles go online. Seeing them online would make me feel better. It would mean that they are one step closer to getting a forever home. Kris said she had lots of applications in right now. I know that the dogs might not be well behaved enough yet to be adopted out, but I'd just like to know how they are doing until they are adopted by someone.

I keep calling them 'my dogs' even though I've given them up to the Rescue. I find it hard to let go of them. I don't know that I'll ever stop calling them 'my dogs'. They always will be my dogs in my heart.

I slept through most of the day today because I couldn't face the first Dog Day without them. When 9am came and we should have been leaving with Moped, I felt sad. When 10am came and we should have been in class with him, I felt sad again. At 11:15am when we would have been dropping him off at doggy day care, I just sat in my chair feeling numb. That's when I knew it was time for a nap. I didn't want to have to face the times surrounding Skooter's class and picking up Moped from doggy day care. I haven't told them at doggy day care that Moped won't be coming in anymore. I like having the link to the web cam so I can watch the other dogs and think about the fun that Moped had while he was at doggy day care.

Letting go isn't easy for me. In fact, it's quite difficult. I know that hearing from Kris would make me feel a lot better. Not hearing from her makes me wonder if something has happened to the dogs or if they are just not doing well down there. I want to think that no news is good news, but I just can't. I need reassurance.

I still feel like I want to go down there and take them home, even though I know that it would stress me out completely to have them back again. It doesn't make sense. I quess it doesn't have to right now. It's only been a week since we dropped them off at the Rescue. I feel bad because I didn't think to ask Kris what her credentials were or how long she's had the Rescue or how would she treat the dogs while they were there or how long did she think it would take to adopt them out. I just dropped them off and didn't ask anything because I was too emotional and I was crying. I really feel guilty about that. I should have checked thing out more thoroughly before leaving my dogs.

Even if I do get an email from her, I don't know that my heart can accept that they are okay. I'm not sure what to believe. I want to just stop in down there and check up on them. I guess she knows we could do that at any time so I'm sure she'd be honest about their current situation. I just need to hear from her.

David is gone and the TV is off. It is very quiet in here. No dogs to make any noise. No wookie sounds from Mopes and no snoring from Skoots. I sure do miss taking naps with him. And I really miss seeing him wiggle his whole body with excitement. He's our Mr. Wiggles. Or as I call him, Midder Wiggles. He always seemed to wiggle more when I said it like that. Oh, I miss them. It's not that I wanted to give them away, I just thought it was best for them to find them more appropriate homes. But I never wanted them to go. I felt like I had to give them an opportunity at a better life.

They better be okay. I couldn't take it if anything happened to them because I gave them up.

Turning now to the cat portion of the Dog Blog: there seem to be cats everywhere! I know that there are only three of them, but they always seem to be on me, around me or underfoot. They stick pretty close to me. They love having the whole house back again. They play every night like they used to. And they sit in the windows to sun themselves. They love doing that. I don't feel as connected to the cats right now because they've been off in the bedroom for so long, They didn't venture out too often with the dogs here. But now they are out here all the time so maybe the bond will grow strong again. Or maybe I just don't want to feel that attached right now. Who knows.

I can't say it enough times: I miss my dogs and I need to hear how they are doing. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Dog Day

Tomorrow would be 'Dog Day'. We'd bring Moped to training class at 10am, then after class drop him off at doggy day care. Then we'd bring Skooter to training class at 2pm, then after class we'd go home. Later, around 5:30pm we'd pick Moped up at doggy day care. The whole day would revolve around the dogs. Now we'll have two whole days to the weekend.

I was looking up dog breeds tonight to check out temperament. I just needed to look at other dogs. I don't know that I'd get one anytime soon or at all, but it made me feel better to look. No dogs compare to Skooter. He is so perfect.

I've done the right thing...

for me and for the dogs.

Getting it all out

I spent about an hour crying earlier. I was missing Skooter so much. I tried to talk to David about it but it just made me feel sadder. I just cried and cried and cried. I thought that sending an email to Kris would make me feel better, so I started writing one to her. Then the phone rang. It was Lynn. She asked me what I was doing. I told her I was crying because I missed my dogs.

Lynn talked to me, comforted me and reminded me of what I had written in the Dog Blog earlier about being at peace with my decision and having less stress with the dogs gone. She read my blog to me and it helped ease my mind. I asked her if she thought it would be okay if I sent an email to Kris. She said I should if it would make me feel better, so I sent Kris an email.

In the email I told Kris that I missed Skooter, that I needed to know that he was okay and I needed to know that Skooter and Moped are adoptable. I told her I just needed reassurance that I did the right thing. I haven't heard back from her yet.

I feel a whole lot better after talking to Lynn. And it's real helpful to have David here. I felt very lonely today and missed the dogs even more.

It'll all be okay.

A turning point

I'm at peace with the decision I have made about re-homing the dogs. I'm not sure what has made the difference, but I know that they are in the right place and will end up in good homes, blessing other people with their wonderful personalities. I don't feel empty any more. I still miss them, but I'm okay with what I've done. Two families will be so happy to get these dogs. I'm sure Kris is enjoying having them for the interim. I know that they are wild in the house right now but they will calm down. They just need to get all thier energy out when they are outside. And they are just puppies, they have a lot of growing up to do.

I feel so much less stress since we brought them to the Rescue. I don't have to worry about David getting frustrated with them and I can sleep through the night now. And they get to be out of their kennels the majority of the time. That's the greatest thing about them being down in Penrose. And they get to be with other GSP's. They won't be bored like they were here. I know they loved being with me, but they need more than that. They need exercise, discipline and then affection. They certainly weren't getting the exercise they needed with me. I rarely took them for walks and the yard wasn't big enough for them to get proper exercise. And I didn't do any training with them until a month ago. I mean, I did that one class with Skooter when he was a puppy, but I never really followeed through with it. I could have done better with them. But even if I had done better it wouldn't change the fact that they are high energy dogs and we are low energy people.

There are lots of things to consider if we want to get another dog one day. Most importantly we need a dog that is consistent with our lifestyle (low energy, low activity) and that can get along with the cats. I also want a good looking dog and one that is smart. I want to do training with the dog from the time it's a puppy (obedience) right up through agility training. Another thing we need to consider is temperment.

As much as I like my freedom, I need to have a dog. I don't feel complete without a dog.

What do I do?

I don't even know what to do with myself with all this free time I have now that the dogs are gone. When the dogs were here, I had no free time. Now all I have is free time. I'm caught up on dishes and laundry. I've visited with friends. I've talked to friends on the phone. I've watched TV. What else is there for me to do? I'm sure there are tons of things to do, but I'm so used to not having time to myself, that I can't think of anything to do. So I just sit here and write in the Dog Blog. It makes me feel better to write about the dogs.

I wonder if they are adjusting to their new surroundings okay. I wonder if Skooter misses me. I know that I miss him. Are they getting along with the other dogs? I want to email Kris but I don't want to bug her. I have to assume they are okay unless I hear othewise.

I wish I had taken more pictures and videos of them. I cherish what I have.