I guess I need to add that in the last few months I've basically given up on Harley. I haven't bothered training him or walking him. Mostly I've just been in survival mode. I just try to get through the day without him chomping on me. He exerts so much pressure on my arms that it feels like he's going to break a bone. Thankfully he doesn't break the skin very often but the bruises I have are ridiculous. I have them on my feet, legs, stomach, chest, arms and hands. Pretty much anywhere he can sink his teeth in. But that's still no excuse for me giving up on him. I felt like my whole life revolved around Harley and that it still does. I want him to be a part of my life, not my whole life. I want to go to school this summer and that won't happen if Harley's behavior doesn't change. I need to make changes to me too. I can't let him run our lives. He does right now though.
After Dr. J does her evaluation and comes up with a diagnosis and plan of attack, I'll have phone and email access to her for 3 months. I'm hoping that will be long enough to make a difference. I can also Skype with her so she can actually see Harley. There is a follow-up consultation if need be but I'm hoping that there won't be a need for it. The worst that could happen is that she tells us that we are stuck with Harley the way that he is. I don't think she'll do that but I am nervous that she will tell us that.
At this point I feel trapped by having Harley. I don't feel trapped by him. He's still adorable and cute when he's not misbehaving but this situation makes me feels like I'm suffocating. I wanted Harley to be my hiking buddy but that hasn't happened yet. Now i don't go for walks because I'd have to leave him alone and he doesn't like being without me. I don't want him barking and howling and disturbing the neighborhood. I don't take a shower until I have to so I don't have to put him in his kennel and listen to him whine. I can't relax taking a shower because of his whining. When I go out I have to limit myself to about 3 hours. I'm afraid he'll get destructive if I leave him longer (tearing up his bed, trying to get out of the kennel). This is the 3rd bed we are on because he chewed up the other 3. I sleep more because he's in his kennel when I'm sleeping. He's not allowed up on the bed but when he has got up there he goes right to attacking my head, pulling my hair out and nipping at my ears and face. He's over 60 pounds now and can inflict a lot of damage.
And now it's 4:30am and he's still settled in his kennel sleeping. That's one thing that I love about Harley - he's always slept through the night, since he was 8 weeks old. Sometimes I get up in the morning and he stays in his kennel until he's ready to come out. He doesn't run to the door to go do his business either. He usually plays for a bit and then goes out. I guess I should come up with a list of things I love about Harley to balance this all out.
- I love that Harley sleeps through the night
- I love that Harley is a slow riser
- I love that he is so cute
- I love when he smiles at me
- I love that he is exuberant
- I love that he loves to play
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