Emotional roller coaster

The dogs didn't wake me up. I woke up on my own. When I got out of bed though they came running for the back door. They went out and came back in. Huxley did her automatic sit for a treat. Blitz sat too when she saw what Huxley was doing. They're back in bed now.

Today was an emotional day because of the dogs. I always flip-flop on bringing them to the Rescue. I think about surrendering them and I can't believe that I'll be without them forever. But at the same time I feel like surrendering them is the best thing for me and for them. I'm really not able to take care of two GSP's, even lazy ones. I know I'll cry when we bring them down there. And I'll miss them greatly for a while. Then life will settle in again and I'll be okay without any of my dogs. I'll never stop missing them on some level and I'm sure I'll tear up once in a while because they are in different homes. I pray that Huxley and Blitz get adopted together. They would be lost without each other. (~tears~) I'd rather keep them than have them separated. It would break my heart and theirs if they were separated. I can't even think about it any more. It's too painful to consider.

I think a lot about finding homes for the cats, but no one is going to be interested in a 15 year old Tabby. And I don't know that I'd want Paulie and Minnie separated. They've been together since birth. They are about 7 years old now.

This is such an incredible struggle for me. I wish I could have a perfect life where the dogs and cats could co-exist. And the cats used their litter box! LOL But, like everyone else, I have an imperfect life, a life I am so happy to have. I wish I weren't so wishy-washy about surrendering the dogs, but when you love an aminal like I love them, their are going to be painful emotions and tears. My life will be lonely without them. I will miss having them sleep with us at night. I will miss letting them out in the morning. I'll miss them play fighting. I'll miss their Wookie sounds. They have become ingrained in my life. It will be difficult to not have them here.

I haven't heard from Kris yet so I don't know if we'll be bringing them down to the Rescue this weekend. It's difficult having them knowing that soon they will be gone. If only they'd leave the cats alone. If only the cats would stop using the tub as a litter box. Oh, well.

This is an emotional roller coaster that I'm on. I'm up and down constantly with my decision to surrender them. But I know that I feel, the majority of the time, that surrendering them is what's best for me and them. I will miss them but not a lot of things that they do. Don't get me wrong. These are really good dogs, well behaved, gentle and friendly. But they chase things, especially cats. They are determined to not walk on a leash without pulling. And then there is always the issue of the back yard (pooper scooper at your service LOL). And I'm still not giving them enough exercise outside of the house. Even though they are lazy, they still need to be exercised and I am not faithful to doing that.

This is the same way I felt about Skooter and Moped. I love them dearly but I just couldn't handle having them. They weren't living a wonderful life here with us. They deserved better. And now they have better. I want the same thing for Huxley and Blitz - a better life. And I definitely need to reduce the stress I am feeling over the cat situation.

Well, I guess I should head back to bed. I'm sure the dogs have taken over my side. Blitz is probably up on my pillow, silly girl. Guess I'll just have to shove her over again like I usually do.