Half a day later...

Well, we went to the adoption fair and we're home now. I couldn't believe all the puppies that were there. If was so hard to get to them too because people were just grabbing them up like a Wii at Christmas time. We took our time and figured if there wasn't one we were interested in by the time everyone grabbed them up then we weren't meant to have one. After a while of watching them and watching everyone grabbing them we decided on a pup. The foster mom told us it was a boy but it's actually a girl. The puppy had a great personality and temperament and had wonderful markings. It took a while to decide but finally we agreed that we would take her home with us. We had to fill out a looooong application and a spay/neuter agreement and then have the foster mom follow us home to do a house check before we could get the puppy. The puppy drove down with the foster mom from Monument. They followed us to the house.

When we got home I got the puppy to pee and poop outside. That was exciting. We couldn't imagine that she would have denied us but we waited until the home visit was done and the foster mom said the puppy was ours to really celebrate. We have named her Blue Bayou but we will call her bayou. She's in her kennel right now sleeping so I'm letting her get some rest. It reminds me of how much Harley slept when we first brought him home. It wasn't long though before he was awake allllllll day. I've taken Bayou out twice since she got home. She peed and pooped all the while being on her leash. She's handling the leash great so far. I think she is going to be a great dog.

The rescue didn't really know when they were born. They say they are 8 weeks old but I don't think she is. She's awfully small for 8 weeks but who knows. They also weren't sure what kind of mix she is. I think she's definitely Catahoula and something. They said her mom was a Blue Tick Coon Hound put on her paperwork it says she's a lab mix. I guess we won't ever really know unless we do some genetic testing. I don't care enough to spend the money on that. I love her no matter what breeds she is.

We bought her food, treats, toys and bowls. There will be stuff coming from Amazon too so I'll have that to look forward to this coming week. She's been sleeping about 2 hours now. As soon as she wakes up I'll bring her out to potty again.

I feel really good about this dog. I don't have a sense of dread like I was afraid I would have.

It's been over an hour since I typed that last sentence. A busy little girl has been eating, drinking, pooping and peeing. And some sleeping too. She whines when she's in her kennel. We'll have to work with her on that.

What am I doing up?

It's 4:30am and I'm up. I didn't even get to bed until after midnight and it took a while to fall asleep because all I could think about was what I'd have to do if I got a dog/puppy today. I know I've potty trained 3 other dogs but for the life of me I can't remember how I did it. LOL It must not have been too traumatic since I am not scarred by the event. I'm concerned about weather moving in Sunday night. It's supposed to get cold and drizzly or snowy. Looks like Tuesday won't even get out of the teens. A little puppy will have a hard time going out in that. I also was just thinking about David waking up in the morning and waking up the dog. If it's a puppy it will probably need to go out right away which means I'll be up and out that time of the morning. I've never acquired a dog in the winter months before. It's more to think about. We got all of our dogs between April and August. It makes it a lot easier to potty train a puppy when it's warmer out.

I'm going to have to think long and hard about getting a puppy this time of year. Beside the cold to deal with there is the dark too. I don't want to be chasing a puppy in the dark. I'd lose sight of Harley completely when he was out when it was dark. The puppy pen would help with that. Just lots of logistical things to consider.

I'm not completely ready for a dog either. I need more Kongs and chew toys. I only have 1 Kong right now. I'll have to pick up about 3 of them today if we end up getting a puppy. We'll also need to get a collar and leash, food and water bowl. I'll be hand feeding some of the time so she can get used to me. I want her to know that everything comes from me (food, water, shelter). I do have a lot of stuff on the way though. I bought $110 worth of stuff on Amazon with the AGC's I earned through Swagbucks. My final total, that I paid out of pocket, was $3.68!! Not bad. I think things may start arriving today (the order was split into 3 orders). I also have some treats coming. I need those to put in the Kongs and toys. Mostly she'll be getting kibble for training treats and rewards. I'll set aside her daily portion and only use that much each day. I don't want to start out by overfeeding her.

This is all hypothetical of course since I don't even have a dog yet. LOL We've thought about a name too. Her formal name will be Blue Bayou. That will honor the Blue Tick Coonhound in her and the Catahoula side too. On a day to day basis though we'll call her Bayou. That will be fun.

Now watch, we'll either come home empty handed or with a male, senior dog after all this "planning" for a female puppy. LOL I have a medium sized plastic kennel ready for transport. It has a towel in it and a tiny Kong. It's a red Kong not a baby one. If we get a puppy I'll probably buy a baby one. Harley loved his baby Dong (until he was old enough to start eating it, silly boy). That's one of the difficult things, getting chew toys that don't get destroyed all the time. The Kongs and Busy Buddy stuff is pretty long lasting. It's the plastic and plush stuff that doesn't always last. Following tradition we'll be getting an AKC plush toy for the little bugger. They have to have something to sleep with now don't they?

I know the puppy years are hard work and trying but it eventually does get a whole lot better. I want to make sure she's well socialized in this next month so we'll have to somehow get people to come to the house to meet Bayou. She can't be around other puppies until she's had all her shots but she could be around older dogs. After she does have all her shots I'll be taking her everywhere with me. She'll get to meet lots of people at the PetsMart, PetCo and Lowe's. Then she'll be in puppy class which will help with socialization with people and other dogs. I can start walking her around the neighborhood to meet the neighbors and their dogs. I want her to be well socialized and learn bite inhibition from the get go.

She's going to become a chewtoyaholic. She won't need to bother with anything else because she'll have her toys to chew on. She'll also be house trained pretty quick if I am consistent with her. We're going to work really hard on bite inhibition this time around. The first time she bites we'll be yelping so she knows it's not okay. I don't want to go through what I did with Harley biting me.

I'm not sure how old she would have to be to begin training with Sit Means Sit but I don't want her becoming a monster and needing Sit Means Sit so I want to be proactive. I'm not going to just let things go and get worse by the day like I did with Harley. I'm going to work on things from the second we get her. I also want David to be more involved in the raising of the puppy too. He likes to play with the puppy but he doesn't always help with the not so fun stuff (feeding, potty breaks, training). That will be different with this dog. I already have a book with 101 tricks in it that I'm going to teach the puppy. From sit to who knows what. The trick training will give her something to look forward to. So, we'll have obedience training, trick training and pretty much from the start some agility training. I'm going to have David make some agility equipment from PVC pipe. It looks pretty simple to make so I'll be able to help him do it. I want this puppy working all day so it's tired out at night. I want to keep it's mind and body active all it's waking hours either with obedience, training, agility, playing with chew toys and playing with us.

I think I'm going to go back to bed for a few hours. I'll probably just lie there thinking about all this stuff but hopefully I'll be able to sleep a little bit. It's going to be in the mid 50's today so it will be a nice drive up to Monument (the PetsMart on Jackson Creek Parkway, 11am - 2pm). I'm hoping we'll have a really fun ride home with a puppy in the car (in a crate of course). Okay off to bed I go.

So much for the plan (LOL)

Well, somehow David and I came to the agreement that we're going to start looking for a dog now. Tomorrow we are going to an adoption fair up in Monument to look at some Catahoula puppies and other dogs. We're leaning toward the Catahoulas because I love the breed and have always wanted one. Here's a pic of one of them:

How could anyone resist a face like that. I know that looks aren't everything that's why we're going to go look at them and see which one has the temperament we're looking for. We won't definitely come home with a dog though.

Here are my concerns: What if I fail again? Will our 4' fence be high enough? Do I really have what it takes to care for a dog, especially a puppy?

Here's why I'm thinking of doing it: I miss having a dog. I want to show myself that I can succeed with a dog. I want a reason to get up (and stay up) every day.

I know I'll be able to figure out if it's the right thing once I'm around all the dogs. If I feel overwhelmed and anxious, it's not the right time to get a dog. If I feel good about it and I find the right dog, then it is the right time.

I've been doing a lot of research and investigation on Catahoula dogs specifically. I've been emailing with breeders and owners, reading blogs and asking questions. I know I can't do enough research before getting another dog. I've thought a lot about what went wrong with the first 5 dogs and I think I've figured out a few things. Yeah, I'm not 100% sure that I'll be able to do this but I really want to try. After seeing Harley's change with Sit Means Sit, I know that even if the worse happens I can always take the dog through training with them. So I know that I want have to give up another dog.

So tomorrow we'll be off to the adoption fair. I'll let you know that happens.

Moving forward with the plan

I talked with David tonight about the puppy/lose weight/save money & swagbucks plan and he's all in. We both feel like it's a good idea to have a carrot dangling in front of us to help us lose weight. We both want a dog but we agree that it wouldn't be right to get one while we are so out of shape. I was glad that he wants to move forward with this plan.

I have already started doing some research on yellow lab breeders in the area. It's too early really to be thinking that far ahead but I just wanted to see if there was anyone around who has AKC labs. I did find a breeder out in Calhan (Eichorn Kennels).but I'm quite sure that I don't want to pay $900 for a puppy. When the time comes, I know the right dog will come along.

I'm really excited though about working on losing weight. I actually feel like it's possible to lose 100 pounds. I know it will take time but I'm willing to be patient with the process. I didn't buy any candy today when I was at the store. I just kept thinking of getting a dog and it made it easy to say no. I know this is only the first day but it was at least a good day. David and I both weighed ourselves and I have a chart on the bathroom wall to show the date that I lose each 10 pounds. I'm not putting a time frame on it. It's about losing the weight not about how long it takes to lose it. I can't wait to lose that first 10 pounds.

David also agreed to putting aside $25 each time one of us loses 10 pounds. That should get us about $500 plus we'll have the AGC's from Swagbucks to use. I have $114 in AGC's already, with $20 coming tomorrow. I already have enough swagbucks to buy all 5 of my $5 AGC's for February. If I can get a minimum of $25/month in AGC's that will get me to about $300 in the Amazon account. I know we'll be able to set aside more than that, but that will be a good base for getting a dog.

Underneath my chart in the bathroom I printed out a picture of yellow lab puppies in a Radio Flyer wagon. It' will be a constant reminder of what I am working for.

I have to get out and start walking again. It's going to be difficult in the beginning because I've gained so much weight but I know that I can lose weight by eating healthy and exercising. I'm going to stick to the neighborhood for now. I'll add Palmer Park in once I'm capable of doing the loop. It will be good practice for taking the dog for walks every day. There are so many things I want to do differently with this dog but the most important is to walk him every day. I didn't do that with any of the other dogs and it made walking with them a nightmare. I want a dog who will walk with me on and off the leash. If I can have the discipline to lose all this weight, I know I will have the discipline to walk with my dog every day.

So, the weight loss journey begins. At the end of that journey I will be healthier and capable of owning a dog. Right now though I'm just looking forward to losing that first 10 pounds!

How are weight loss, a puppy, saving money and Swagbucks related?

I had already gone to bed tonight when I had one of those epiphanies that I sometimes have. I'll see in the morning if it still sounds like a great idea. LOL

I need to lose weight. A lot of weight. At least 100 pounds of weight. I realized tonight that I need a reason to lose the weight. I know I should do it just for my health and well being but I need something more tangible than that. I need a goal. So, what goal could I come up with that would really motivate me? I thought about it for a few minutes and quickly came up with having a dog again, a puppy. I don't want one right now because it's not the right time for a puppy or dog but maybe a year from now. In that year I can work on losing weight so I can be more active for a dog. So, here's my idea: for every 10 lbs that David or I lose in weight, we'll put $25 in a puppy fund. I don't ever want to get a puppy again without being ready financially to take one on. So saving money for the next year, only when we lose another 10 lbs, would be a great goal. I also would save my Amazon Gift Cards that I'm earning through Swagbucks to help prepare for the puppy (toys, collar, leashes, bowls, etc.). That would give me an amount to work toward every day on Swagbucks so I can get the 5 $5 gift cards per month ($25 total). So if I want a puppy in a year I would have to lose enough weight to be more active and save money and AGC's.

I'm going to talk to David tomorrow about this. I think it would make it easier to lose weight and say no to junk food and fast food if we have an alternative to look forward to. Do I really want that Payday and Cherry Coke or do I want to lose weight and get a puppy? That will always be the question. It makes me want to get out and go for a walk, but it's almost 10:30pm so I'll hold off on that for tonight. But having that question would, I think, make me choose the right thing each time. I want to be healthy and I want to be active and I want a puppy. Saving money and getting AGC's through Swagbucks will help me to achieve those goals.

I've already thought of a few names for the puppy (I'm leaning toward getting a male) - Segway, Chopper or if it's a girl, Vesper. Planning ahead like this is a smart thing to do. I don't want to just jump into getting another dog. I want to be emotionally, physically, financially and mentally ready for a puppy. I think this time around I would get another Lab or GSP. I would want the dog to be temperament tested before we would consider him or her as a member of the family. I would also make a vow to work with the puppy every day on training and learning. I would love to be in good enough shape to take the dog to agility classes. I'll have to look on Amazon and see if they have agility equipment that I could save my Swagbucks toward.

Every day I would be working on losing weight, earning swagbucks and saving money so that in a year David and I could get a puppy. We would both be in better shape and have more to give a puppy. Part of the reason it didn't work out with the other dogs is that I didn't have the energy to keep up with them and take them for walks and do training. I was worn out just didn't minimal things with them. So losing weight and saving money and swagbucks would really have a purpose, a tangible purpose. I would have so much to look forward to in a year's time.

I'm really excited about this idea. I hope I feel the same way about it in the morning. I'm sure I will. And I hope David can be as excited about it as I am. He needs a tangible goal too and I think a puppy would be the thing to get David focused on get healthy and active and losing weight. I wish I could wake him up now and talk to him about this but he has to be up at 4am so I won't disturb him. I can wait until tomorrow to talk to him about all of this.

I'm glad I got up and blogged. If I hadn't I never would have been able to get to sleep because my mind constantly would have been on this. Now I can go to sleep knowing that I have a plan and that in a year or so I will have my puppy. Yay!

Swagbucks and dogs

I hope you've noticed the swidget (swagbucks widget) in the upper left hand corner of my blog. I've been using Swagbucks for a couple of months now and I've already earned $125 in Amazon Gift Cards! All I have to do to win is watch some videos, search on the Swagbucks toolbar for things I would normally search for, complete surveys and find codes. It sounds like a lot but you can get quite a few Swagbucks daily for very little effort. I happen to have a lot of time to spend on Swagbucks since I don't work but there are a lot of swaggers who do work that continually win on Swagbucks. There are other prizes beside the AGC (Amazon Gift Card) like PayPal deposits, merchandise, etc. I have a lot of fun and win things along the way. It's definitely a win-win for me and Swagbucks.

If you're interested in joining Swagbucks here's a link you can use that gets you a sign up bonus and gets me referral points for your search wins: http://www.swagbucks.com/refer/internettie  You can also click on the "Sign Up" button on the swidget on this blog page.

So, you're probably wondering what this has to do with dogs. Well, I was thinking that if I had Swagbucks available to me when I had the dogs I could have saved a lot on dog toys and treats by ordering from Amazon with gift cards that I've won. My idea right now is to save up the AGC's for next Christmas. We didn't have much of a Christmas this year and I'd like to guarantee that next Christmas is a whole lot better. If I happen to get a dog before Christmas then I'll probably use the AGC's for doggie stuff. I don't have any plans on getting a dog though (of course I never really plan on getting a dog, now do I LOL).

I'm requesting a relationship with Swagbucks and my blog. I'm not sure that I'll get approved but I'll certainly keep you updated if I do.

The Dog Blog has always been about more than dogs. It's about life and how one thing effects another. I just tell my story through my adventures with dogs. So please keep reading the Dog Blog and please join Swagbucks. There's nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

Happy New Year!!

2010 is coming to a close and 2011 is just hours away. The best thing that happened this year, dog-wise, was seeing Watson (Harley) at the Chapel Hills Mall. It was so nice to see him happy and obedient. He's a great demonstration dog for Sit Means Sit. Everyone loves him. He's so friendly with all the people who stop by to see the demonstrations.

The big question for me always is will there be a dog in my future. I do want one again some day if I can find the right dog but I'm in no hurry to cross that bridge. I know the right dog will find me one day. Until then I'll just remember the dogs I've had and be thankful that they were a part of my life. They all added something positive to my life (and something negative but now is not the time for that). I have special memories of all of them - Skooter, Moped, Huxley, Blitz and Harley (Watson). I love looking at pictures and videos of them all playing and enjoying their time with us.

My wish for 2011 is that all the animals out there who do not have home or the love they need would find the place where they belong, where they will be loved and treasured. There are so many homeless animals out there. Consider volunteering at an animal shelter or rescue or donate to one. They can always use the money. Check too to see if they need supplies that you might have on hand. Anything to help out those poor animals. If you are in a position to adopt an animal please make sure you've thought it out. I'm guilty of adopting without putting enough thought into it and it was horrible when I had to give them up. I know they all are in great homes and loved so I don't feel bad about that, just that I didn't make the best choice in adopting them.

Anyway it's going to be a great 2011 whatever comes my way and I wish you all a safe, happy and prosperous New Year!

Sit Means Sit demonstration

Harley (Watson) was at the mall today and we got to hug him and watch him do tricks and get loved on by everyone who walked by. He looks the same just a bit bigger. He's very leggy. I couldn't believe that I was patting him and letting him lick my face. It was wonderful. He can do all kinds of tricks including bowing down. He's so cute when he does that. I can't thank Cindy and Clay at Sit Means Sit enough for letting us visit with Harley (Watson). If you ever need dog training please go to Sit Means Sit dog training. They are amazing. 

Watson at Chapel Hills Mall

I got an email from Cindy that Watson will be doing demonstrations at the Chapel Hills Mall through New Years. He may be there this Saturday. I would love to see him. I'm waiting for Cindy to get back to me about the time and place. I'm so excited to think that I might get to see Watson again. Woohoo! I'll definitely be taking pictures and video and I'll post them here for your enjoyment.

Harley (now called Watson)

I sent an email to Cindi a couple of weeks ago asking how Harley is doing. She said that Harley, now called Watson, is doing great. He's still with Sit Means Sit. He's a demonstration dog for them. He went to Las Vegas again in September. He's also doing dock diving. He loves to swim. I was so glad to hear that he is having such a wonderful life. I miss him but I know I did the right thing letting him go. Have a wonderful life, Watson!

Happy 1st Birthday Harley!

Today Harley is 1 year old. I sent an email to Cindy wishing him a happy birthday and asking how he is doing. I'm glad that she was able to take him but sometimes I miss him. Today is one of those days.

Wondering about Harley

I wonder how Harley is doing with his training in Las Vegas. I'm sure he is doing well and having a good time. He needs to be busy all the time and I just couldn't do that for him. David said he is missing Harley more than usual today. Me too for some reason. Every time I see his picture I get a pang of sadness. I think I've decided to not go to school this summer because I'd have to get a student loan to attend and I just can't bring myself to go into debt for anything. Should I have kept Harley? Probably not. It wasn't just time I wasn't giving him. I also wasn't giving him the opportunities that he needed (walking, playing, etc.). I do miss having a dog though. I was looking at the RMGSP Rescue site yesterday. JUST looking! Honest. GSP's have too much energy for me. I just wanted to look to squelch the "I need a dog" feeling. It worked. Looking at the GSP's reminded me of how much work it is to have a dog. I've never liked cleaning the back yard and I sure don't miss doing it now that I don't have a dog. I'm just not the right person to own a dog. At least not now.

Harley is in Las Vegas

I got an email back from Cindy. Harley is in Las Vegas and will be there another 2 1/2 weeks. He's doing well. She said he is a very happy boy. I'm glad to hear that he is doing so well. She said that if she gets any video, she will forward it on to me. I miss having a dog but not enough to want another one right now.

Still missing them

Skooter turned 4 on May 1st. Hard to believe. Moped is 3. Huxley and Blitz are almost 10 and Harley is 11 months tomorrow. I know that they all are doing great in their new homes. Makes me sad that I couldn't give them what they needed to make it work.

I've been thinking a lot about all of my dogs the last couple of days. David went inpatient from the ER on Friday night. If I had a dog or dogs it would have been even more hectic than it was. He had to have his gallbladder removed on Sunday. He was home on Monday. I'm glad I didn't have to do double duty as wife and dog owner. But it also was kind of sad to come home to an empty house all those nights.

I sent another email to Cindy asking about Harley. I feel bad that I can't seem to let go of him and the rest of them. I don't think I'll ever be happy with or without a dog. When I have a dog I feel overwhelmed. When I don't have a dog I feel so empty and sad in that doggy place in my heart. A dog is not in my immediate future though because school starts in 27 days. I don't feel ready for it today but after this weekend I don't feel ready for anything.

If I had just hung in there with Skooter and Moped I probably would have 2 great dogs right now but I just couldn't get past the stress. I have to say that my experience with Harley was the worst of all of them but I still miss him a lot. As always, I know I've done the right thing for my life at this point. It doesn't make it any less sad or easy to deal with.

I guess I just plain miss my dogs. *tears*

I finally did it

I gathered up all of Harley's stuff (toys, supplies, books, etc.) and put it on craigslist. I have people interested in most of the stuff. Now if I can just get them to schedule a time to come by I'll be in the money. It's sad selling off the final stuff but I know I need to do it. The problem is that I keep finding stuff that I missed when I was posting on craigslist. No big deal though. I'll just modify the ads or figure out something else to do with the stuff (like the pooper scooper bags, I'll give those to Lisa and the 101 Tricks book and the puppy magazine, I'll add those to the book ad). It's so bittersweet selling off the last of Harley's things. I'm glad that he's doing well though. I didn't send an email to Cindy this weekend asking how Harley is. I'll probably send one this week though.

I know that when we get pictures, that Harley will look happy. He's finally getting all the attention and training that he needs. That's critical to him being happy and well adjusted. I've been feeling kind of irresponsible for all of the money I had spent on Harley during the last 2 months. I was willing to spend the money but not be committed to working with Harley. That's water under the bridge though. I have to move on. It would be nice to get rid of all of the stuff still sitting around the house.

Yesterday I went and worked with my computer client again. If Harley would have been here I know I would have hesitated about going but I didn't have to take him into consideration. I like being able to do what I want to do when I want to do it. There is a lot of freedom in that.

That's all I can post tonight. I need to get back to bed.

Doing the right thing

It's such a bittersweet feeling knowing that Harley is doing well. David said that maybe if we had gone with Cindy's training that we could have kept Harley. That made me feel sad. I felt like even if Harley had been well behaved that it wouldn't have worked out but maybe I was wrong. I'm happy for Harley. I'm glad that he's playing with other dogs and getting to run around a lot. And it really is cool that he may become a demonstration dog. I just wonder if all these things that I'm getting to do now is worth giving Harley up. Yeah, it's great that I can take 4 classes this summer and that I could be out all day Monday to celebrate my birthday, but really does it mean more than having Harley? I don't know.

I guess that I'll have to make the most of my life to make giving Harley up worth all the pain. I am walking with Kitty 3x/week and I have signed up for summer classes so I'm moving forward. It just seems a little empty without a dog. I'm not only missing Harley but Huxley and Blitz too. I know I'll get another dog one day but not for a long time. Once I know that I have time for a dog and won't mind putting in a lot of effort then a dog can be a possibility but until then, I don't need to give away any more dogs. It just hurts too much.

Maybe one day I will be able to see Harley do a demonstration. I'd love to see him doing well. All I think about when I think of him is the biting. I'd like to have a more positive picture in my mind of Harley. I love him and I miss him but I know I've done the right thing. Doing the right thing often isn't easy but it has to be done anyway. It doesn't make it suck any less.

Harley is doing well

I sent Cindy an email asking about Harley. This is her response:

"Harley is doing well.  No more mouthing past the first day, gets along great with other dogs, he runs with dogs at our facility every day and loves it.  We don't have any pictures yet but will send some when we do. Harley is going to accompany one of our trainers to the Sit Means Sit School in Las Vegas and learn to be a demonstration dog, he is showing a lot of potential. We will keep you posted"

I'm glad to hear that he is doing so well. He needs the kind of life that he has right now. I'm so proud of him becoming a demonstration dog. He'll love all the attention and love he gets for being a good boy. Harley will get to visit Las Vegas before I do. LOL Lucky dog! I'm so glad that Cindy doesn't mind keeping me posted on how Harley is doing. It makes all of this so much easier. He never would have been a good dog with me. I didn't give him what he needed. Cindy is definitely making sure he gets what will make him a well adjusted dog. I'm so grateful to her. I feel a little bit sad knowing that Harley could actually get past the bad behavior and that maybe I gave up on him too soon. It's never easy for me to give up a dog. I don't ever want to give up another one though. It hurts too much.

I miss them all

I woke up in the middle of the night and was thinking about Harley. I didn't have any interaction with him during the night because he was such a good boy and didn't get up then but I miss him being down the hallway. Logically I understand that I am better off without Harley and that Harley is better off without me but emotionally I still miss him and think about him often. I'm going to send Cindy an email to ask how he is doing. Everyone once in a while I think about paying Cindy $1,000 (don't ask where I come up with that amount, I don't know) to get a well-adjusted Harley back. It's just a fantasy but I do think about it anyway. Not that I really want him back. I'm happy with things the way they are now. But there is often no sanity when missing someone.

I'm also missing Huxley and Blitz. If I had known then what I know now, I would still have them. They really are great dogs. I love watching the videos I have of them playing. They really were good girls. But I had issues with them too - cleaning up the yard was a yucky job, Blitz would wake me up every night by whining, they got into the kitchen trash can, etc. They were always happy to see me when I got home though. I loved my German Shorthaired Pointers. I feel so melancholy when I think of them. In the moment it seemed like the right thing to do, giving them up, but in hindsight it was a mistake.At least I know that they are taken care of very well. I wonder sometimes if either of them passed away, would I be told. Probably not, since they are not my dogs anymore. I wish that walking them and cleaning up after them wasn't such a chore to me. But that's why I gave them up - because they were more work than I wanted to do. it doesn't stop me from missing them though.


David was talking about Skooter and Moped last night, how he still misses them. I agreed. I still miss them too. I think back and realize what a great dog Skooter was. If I had only worked harder with Moped or given up just Moped and kept Skooter. I know that Skooter is a great dog. I'm sure his new family treasures him.

Sometimes I wonder if what I do with the dogs (always ending up giving them away) is some kind of commitment issue. I love them all dearly but I can't seem to make the 100% commitment that is needed when owning a dog. Why do I feel compelled to get dog after dog knowing that I'll just end up giving it away? I think sometimes that it is a sickness I have. I keep doing the exact same thing over and over again expecting a different result each time. I would have to know going into owning another dog that cleaning up the yard and walking the dog wouldn't be an issue. That both things would get done every day without it being a hassle. That's not the way it has worked out though. Five dogs in five years. Not a good record.

I cried for weeks after Huxley Buxley and Bllitzy Witzy were given up by me. I cried for one day with Harley's departure. I guess maybe I'm getting used to giving up my dogs. That's sad. I know I'll have a dog again one day but not during this season of my life. I need time right now to be able to study and work on me with Marianne. The dogs will always play a role in my life but not interfere with me living my life the way I choose to. School probably would have been possible with Huxley and Blitz though. They were good girls. But that wouldn't have helped when it came time to have to clean the yard up or walk them. I'm just not the right person for a dog. At least not at this stage of my life. Maybe one day though I can get a dog that has already been trained and walks well on a leash. I know it's just a dream, but I'll keep on dreaming it.

I guess that I need to move on from all of this. It's so hard to though because they all were good dogs. They had their issues but they were wonderful companions. I just didn't put the time into them that they  needed. That's why I don't have any dogs right now, just memories. What I wouldn't give to have Huxley and Blitz sleeping in bed with me again. Oh well. What's done is done.

A little sadness

I'm having a moment where I'm missing Harley. No particular reason why, just thinking of him. I know I'll have moments like this, probably forever, and that's okay. I don't mind missing him. I'd rather miss him than be angry at him for biting me. I'm sure he is doing well with Cindy. He really is a good boy, just too much energy for me. Kitty brought her dog Sammy on our walk this morning. I thought it would make me miss Harley but all I could think of is that he would have been a handful to try and walk up on the Mesa. Maybe it's contributing to this out of the blue sad feeling about Harley. It's not an overwhelming sadness just a pang of it. I am glad that I can do what I want each day. I'm able to go to school without worrying about not paying enough attention to Harley. Getting him a new home was the best thing for both of us.

Life without Harley

It's weird being without Harley. I think about him all the time but I don't miss the bad things about having him (biting, cleaning the yard, having to watch how long I'm out, etc.). I never realized just how ingrained he was in my every day life. There's not much that I can do that doesn't make me think of him. I am glad to know that he is doing okay. I'll probably check up on him again soon. David wanted to drive by where he might be living but I just couldn't do that. It would be too difficult. I don't want to cry over Harley anymore. I'm out walking again and enjoying my time outside and inside the house. It's sad but it's relieving to know that I don't have to consider Harley every waking moment. I do miss the cuddly little guy though. He wasn't a bad dog, just misguided in his "love" for me. I can't dislike him for loving me so much. But the biting really was something that I couldn't put up with anymore. I've also registered for classes for this summer because I know I'll be able to put my full attention into school without Harley here. Sometimes I think that I'm just telling myself these things so I won't miss him as much. Maybe I am but whatever it takes to get through this I'll do. I miss Harley.