Missing Huxley and Blitz

I miss everything about them. This morning I woke up without them in bed. I got a bowl of cereal and there was no Huxley there to give a cheerio to. I made a PB&J sandwich for David and for me and I was able to put his on the table without watching it. No dogs to get it. I don't have to put the trash up to keep them out of it. We went to the store for the newspaper and when we came home there was no one to greet me at the door. That's probably the hardest part of all of this. I think about them and wonder what they are doing down at the Rescue. Did they make it through the night okay? They're not used to sleeping out in a heated garage in a kennel. They are used to hogging my bed and stealing my covers. It's kind of cool out today. I wonder if they are outside all day. They probably really like being with other dogs. That should be fun for them. I want to think that they miss me. I'm sure they'd be happy to see me. But then again, they're happy to see anyone. Stupid dogs.

I know I will stop missing them so much. I know I will be able to sleep throughout the night without them one night. But for now I miss them and it's hard to sleep without them. The cats are enjoying the dogs being gone. Every time we lay down, they are there with us. I think they missed doing that. But they are going to go too. I can't play favorites.

Their paw prints out on the deck have melted away. I looked to see if even just one remained, but the imperceptible warmth of this cold day has melted them away. I have their pictures looping on my screen saver. It catches me off guard when Huxley's fuzzy face comes up on the screen.

But they are dogs. And I have family and friends to tend to now. I want to go down to the Rescue and take them home, but I know I'd just be in the same mess I've been in for over a year. They are dogs and they can't keep me from doing the right things.

I was thinking about Bonnie and Zach today. Their deaths. I was thinking about how difficult it has been to have the dogs gone for just a day, how much I cry. I don't know that I was near as upset about Bonnie's death or Zach's as I am about the dogs being gone. I know it's because the dogs were in my life every minute of the day and Bonnie and Zach weren't. I know I don't care more about dogs than people. But it's safer to miss the dogs. I don't want to think of what it would be like to miss a person this much. Feeling this kind of emptiness hurts.

I could talk about what I remember about the dogs all day long. But I need to get past this hurt. I can finally see some blue sky and the sun is peeking out. I guess everything will be okay.