Second thoughts

I'm up and it's 1:30am (ugh!). I was looking over ads on craigslist for animals that need to be rehomed (given up) and the sheer number of animals is overwhelming. I'm not judging anyone. I've done my own rehoming of 4 dogs and 2 cats. It just makes me feel so sad that there are so many animals that are probably going to end up at the Humane Society. They are crowded as it is. I don't know. It's just making me sad tonight. It makes me think that maybe I should be doing something for these displaced animals, like volunteering or fostering. I just don't know that I want the responsibility for a dog. I'm being honest. I wouldn't get a dog unless I could be 100% committed to it but I have to ask myself if I am ready for that commitment. David's at work all day and all the responsibility for the dog will fall to me. Am I okay with that? There really is a part of me that thinks that having a dog would just be awesome but there is also a part of me that is afraid to own a dog again. I would think that I have to err on the side of caution. If I'm having second thoughts then I should probably stop this search for a dog. I don't want an animal to be unhappy because I'm being selfish. It's not all about me. It's about the dog too.

What makes me think that I can do anything different this time around? I haven't significantly changed as a person. I'll be bringing in all the same aspects of myself that I brought to the table before. And those situations didn't end well for me. I really miss all of my dogs but I just wasn't 100% committed to taking care of them. I certainly 100% loved them but that's just not enough for a dog. It's a lifetime commitment. Can I make a lifetime commitment? Oh the irony of having all these second thoughts on the day that I've set aside to visit about five adoption fairs. I don't want to come home with a dog just because I dared to look. I really have to think this through.

Maybe I shouldn't go to the adoption fairs at all. Or maybe I should go to see what happens to these dogs when they are given up. Why as humans do we breed so many animals? There is certainly a surplus population out there, yet breeders keep breeding and people still don't get thier animals spayed or neutered. I wonder what God will think of us when we get to heaven. I can't imagine he'd be thrilled that we 'made' more than we could use and just kind of dumped the rest. I don't know why I'm getting all philosophical about this. I guess that's what I do at this time of the day. I don't know if I get to the core of me during these times or if I'm just tired and not thinking straight. Either way I have to look past me and be truthful with myself about what having a dog means to me. If I'm already looking for ways out then it's not the time to get a dog. Is it okay to have second thoughts about this? Is it alright that I'm really questioning whether it's a good thing to do or not?

I think I'm going to go to bed. I'm kind of making myself crazy here. I guess I'll see how I feel when I get up in the morning and just go from there. There's no harm in looking at dogs. I don't feel any pressure to bring one home. Actually I feel more pressure to not bring a dog home. I so want to do the right thing for me and for the dog. I'll set the struggle aside for now and go back to bed. That's the best thing I can do right now.