Heaven

It's been two month since I last wrote in the Dog Blog. I wish I could say that things have changed tremendously and I'm no longer missing my dogs but that would not be the truth. I still miss all four of them and the cats too. My guilt over giving them up is overwhelming. I especially miss my Huxley and Blitz. I can't believe that I gave them up. I know they have a good home in Woodland Park but they were happy with me too. I think about the people who now own them and wonder if anything happened to them (horrible thought I know) could I get my dogs back. I just haven't been able to let go of them. I still think of them as my dogs. I miss them more than I can say.

I don't want the responsibility of dogs right now, but I'd take Huxley and Blitzie back in a second. It's not about having just any dog, it's Huxley and Blitz that I miss. I love my older girls. I wish we would get updates on the dogs but there hasn't been anything on any of them since last winter when we got the picture of Huxley and Blitz treeing a squirrel.


Just seeing this picture makes me want to cry. I love them so much. They are great dogs. I wish I would have been able to keep them. But I know that the timing wasn't right. They were a problem for me. It was hard for me to keep up with them even though they were 8 years old. You can see in the picture that they are like puppies still.

I always tell myself that I'd give anything to see them just one more time but I know that if I did see them I'd want to take them home with me. I couldn't walk away from them again. So, I guess I'm still grieving the loss of my girls. I feel like I will always grieve their loss. Maybe time will take care of that. But until that time, I know that Huxley and Blitz will always be on my mind.

I know it's silly but having the stuffed dogs that look like Hux and Blitzie is a comfort to me. I feel like somehow that a part of them is still here with me. They help with the sadness I feel over giving them up and they don't take up near as much space on the bed. ;) But I would gladly give up my space to have my girls back.

It's been 8 months now that they have been gone. It seems like they just left yesterday. There are some good things about not having dogs but they don't outweigh the goodness of having them. I try to remind myself that they love their new owners and are happy in their lives up in Woodland Park. I try to tell myself they are better off being there but it's honestly not something I believe. They had a good life with me and I certainly love them. It could have worked out if I had just held on for a while. Quitting my part time job would have made all the difference.

Anyway, I miss them terribly and long to see them again one day. I know it won't happen in this lifetime but I can hope that they will be in Heaven when it's my time to go there because that's what Heaven is to me - my dogs.