Day #18 with Harley

I live with Major Depression. Some days, like today, I find it hard to do anything but sit in my chair and think about all the things I could or should be doing. I could be taking Harley for a drive or a walk. I know that he will suffer from my depression too if I'm not careful. I don't want Harley to become a casualty of my illness. It's bad enough that David and I are casualties of it. Depression is a funny thing. It just seems to come out of nowhere. It's not like something happened or I thought about something bad. It's just here for no apparent reason. I'm sure there is some underlying reason for it but mostly I think it's just the imbalance in my body that causes it. It's no fun living with depression.

Harley is in his kennel right now so I can have a little break and because he was nipping at me again and it hurt. He's putting holes in my clothes with those razor sharp baby teeth of his. And before you say it, it's not Harley that's got me depressed. He's still totally awesome. I get up out of bed because of him. I know he needs me. I thought about taking him over to Palmer Park for a walk but the afternoon rain clouds have moved in. I could walk him over to the mailbox to pick up the mail. Or I could just let him take a nap.

At times like this I question my ability to be a good dog owner. I know it's not my fault that I have Major Depression but I still feel bad that it effects others (human and canine). I tell myself that I just need to get into a routine with him. He likes routine. But on a day like today there is no routine. He's not barking or whining which is a blessing. I don't mind it so much but it's nice that he's not doing it. I need a few minutes to gather my thoughts and to try to get back on track.

Harley loves the hunting game for meals. He looks forward to it. He always seems to know when it's time to eat. Now he starts hunting around before I can even get the food down. I think I'll start making it a little bit more difficult for him. I could put out all the food while he is in his kennel. I could sort of hide food instead of having it right out in the open. That will give him more to think about.

I wonder if Harley senses my depression today. Maybe that's why he's being so good in his kennel. My dream is for him to become a therapy dog (as opposed to a Service Dog). I know that he brings me a lot of comfort and I'm sure he could bring others comfort too. That's why it's so hard to have a day like today. I feel like I'm missing out on training him. I'll at least work with him later on his click/treat behaviors and we'll play the hunting game for dinner. That's the least I can do today.