Harley, Harley

Today was definitely a better day. I went walking with Kitty this morning. Of course, there were a lot of dogs up there, including labs, but I did okay. I did talk about Harley but it didn't make me sad. I came home and slept for a bit after our walk. It really tired me out. Then I went to see Marianne. We talked about me giving up Harley. I thought I would cry while I was in there but I didn't. I think I was too excited about making a reservation for a helicopter ride on my birthday to feel bad. When I got home I made my reservation for the flight and took in a package from my sister. She sent me a big box with presents. I'm excited to open it on Monday. So, my day was so full that I didn't have a lot of time to think about Harley. It wasn't until David got home that I started to feel bad. He's still not saying much to me. He just asked what I was doing and when I told him I was writing in the Dog Blog he shook his head and said "Why? We don't have a dog.". I think he's mad at me. He's going to have to get over it though because I did what was best for me. It has been nice to not have to worry about Harley every waking moment. I miss Harley but I don't miss how I felt with Harley. The stress level was just so high when he was here. I was always afraid he would start biting me. I haven't been bitten for 3 days now. I think that's a record.

I was wondering again about Harley though. I hope he is doing okay and is making progress. He really does deserve to be with someone who is not averse to training him. It seemed like a lot of work to me and I think that's a big part of why it didn't work for me and Harley. I do wonder where he is sleeping at night and if he does miss me. A part of me, a very small part, still wants to go get him and take him back but there is more of me that is okay with him being gone. I don't think I'll ever stop wondering about him. I still think about Skooter, Moped, Huxley and Blitz and it's been a long time since I gave them up. I'll always miss my dogs.

David has gone to bed without saying anything to me. I know he is upset about Harley being gone. I'm upset about it too but I've got to move on. I can't stay stuck in grieving for Harley or the rest of them. They are all doing fine and I need to be okay too. I took Harley to the doggy daycare a while back when he was really frustrating me. Maybe he thinks he's at doggy day care again and that I'll come back and pick him up. Nah. He's a dog. He doesn't think that way. I hope that when I die that all the pets I've had in my lifetime will be in Heaven with me. That's what would make it Heaven.

So, it was an okay day. I'm still feeling sad and a bit lonely but I know I can get through this. I've done it before. That was one of the ways I knew that I was ready to give up Harley - it was more bearable to go through this than to have Harley biting me. And this is very painful. So I knew that I was ready to give him up. It was still difficult but it was necessary.

Now I can take my Huxley and Blitz stuffed animals out of the closet again. Harley was going after them and I didn't want him to ruin them. I think maybe I'll get a stuffed lab too. That way I can always have Harley here with me in spirit. He honestly is a good dog. He is loving and could be gentle. He just chose not to be gentle with me. But I still love him.