Eventually

I cried for about 2 hours last night. I cried my eyes out. I cried out for my girls. I needed to cry. Now, for the most part, the crying is over with. I was able to come into the house twice and not have the girls there and I did okay. When we took a nap the cats slept with us. Last night we all slept better, including the cats. I'm glad the cats are behaving. For as long as we have them, they need to not be a bother. It's snowing out today and I don't have any dogs tracking snow into the house and then jumping on my bed. That's a good thing. Of course, Huxley and Blitz being lazy dogs, they would probably be in bed most of the day. I hope they are doing okay down at the Rescue. I really do worry about them, not that they won't be taken care of, I know Kris is wonderful with the dogs but it's just a 'mom' worrying about her furry kids. David misses them too. I think he thought he wouldn't miss them, but he does. But honestly, I feel so much relief knowing that they will eventually have better homes. And now I can focus on getting my life back on track.

We still haven't heard anything about a service for Bonnie or Zach. Honestly, now, I'd rather not have to attend a service. I'm wanting to move on. I don't know if that's inconsiderate or not. Maybe it's just another part of the grief process. I think a person can only take so much sadness at one time before defense mechanisms start working.

Anyway, I hope that Huxley and Blitz will be okay. Eventually I'll be okay without them.

Alone

David has to work hockey tonight and I don't have any dogs to take care of. What will I do with all my time? I'm amazed at just how much time I spent focusing on the dogs and how much 'free' time I have today. Most of it is 'brain time'. I think about them a lot. I keep looking out the door thinking they are waiting to be let in. But there are no dogs there. They are at the Rescue, so far away from me. I want to cry but I don't even know what I'm crying about. I wanted them to go, so why am I so upset? Why do I want to go get them? I'm not a good dog owner. It's selfish for me to keep two dogs that need walks and activity when I'm not willing to give them what they need. I'm angry at Bonnie and Zach. If they hadn't died maybe I would have kept the dogs. I need to stop thinking this way. I am better off without them and they are better off at the Rescue waiting for more appropriate homes. I don't have the energy or time to take care of two large dogs in such a small house. But I miss them. I'm afraid they won't get a home together. I'm not sure how they would do without each other. They've never known anything but being together.

I was thinking earlier today about all the things that Huxley and Blitz would share with us: carrots, apples, bananas, PB&J sandwiches, cheeseburgers. Really just everything. If we ate it they wanted to try it. I of course didn't give them anything that would hurt them or make them sick. Blitz does have a sensitive stomach so I didn't share as much with her. But my Huxley was my treat girl. Whether it was dog treats or human treats, Huxley was up for it. I feel bad that I didn't video tape them more often. Especially when Huxley would back herself up to sit on the rug for a treat. I'd always say 'beep, beep, beep' like a vehicle backing up. I'm sad that I don't have a video of that. But I do have some videos that I will always enjoy. I think the last one I took was of Huxley wriggling around on the floor, then shaking her ears. It is so cute.

I always feel better when I post on the Dog Blog. It makes me feel closer to all of my dogs. David was actually already talking about another dog some day. I just can't even think of it. Yesterday, when we were on the road, I swear I was seeing dogs everywhere - being walked, in cars, in the back of trucks, just everywhere. I guess it will be like that for a while.

Anyway, I feel alone tonight without my girls.

Missing Huxley and Blitz

I miss everything about them. This morning I woke up without them in bed. I got a bowl of cereal and there was no Huxley there to give a cheerio to. I made a PB&J sandwich for David and for me and I was able to put his on the table without watching it. No dogs to get it. I don't have to put the trash up to keep them out of it. We went to the store for the newspaper and when we came home there was no one to greet me at the door. That's probably the hardest part of all of this. I think about them and wonder what they are doing down at the Rescue. Did they make it through the night okay? They're not used to sleeping out in a heated garage in a kennel. They are used to hogging my bed and stealing my covers. It's kind of cool out today. I wonder if they are outside all day. They probably really like being with other dogs. That should be fun for them. I want to think that they miss me. I'm sure they'd be happy to see me. But then again, they're happy to see anyone. Stupid dogs.

I know I will stop missing them so much. I know I will be able to sleep throughout the night without them one night. But for now I miss them and it's hard to sleep without them. The cats are enjoying the dogs being gone. Every time we lay down, they are there with us. I think they missed doing that. But they are going to go too. I can't play favorites.

Their paw prints out on the deck have melted away. I looked to see if even just one remained, but the imperceptible warmth of this cold day has melted them away. I have their pictures looping on my screen saver. It catches me off guard when Huxley's fuzzy face comes up on the screen.

But they are dogs. And I have family and friends to tend to now. I want to go down to the Rescue and take them home, but I know I'd just be in the same mess I've been in for over a year. They are dogs and they can't keep me from doing the right things.

I was thinking about Bonnie and Zach today. Their deaths. I was thinking about how difficult it has been to have the dogs gone for just a day, how much I cry. I don't know that I was near as upset about Bonnie's death or Zach's as I am about the dogs being gone. I know it's because the dogs were in my life every minute of the day and Bonnie and Zach weren't. I know I don't care more about dogs than people. But it's safer to miss the dogs. I don't want to think of what it would be like to miss a person this much. Feeling this kind of emptiness hurts.

I could talk about what I remember about the dogs all day long. But I need to get past this hurt. I can finally see some blue sky and the sun is peeking out. I guess everything will be okay.

Horrible night

Having the cats in the bedroom was almost worse than having dogs in there. They walked all over me and because of my fibromyalgia it really hurt. I should have locked them out of the bedroom last night. I'm going to try to do that tonight. One or both of them is always in my lap when I'm out in the living room. I feel more trapped than I did with the dogs. They really need to go and soon. I have a lot of the same issues with the cats that I did with the girls. I'm worried about them being up on the counters and knocking drink glasses over. Paulie is on my legs and Minnie is staring out the back door. It's like the dogs have never been here for the cats. I'd like to bring them down to the Humane Society today but David has hockey tonight and won't want to do it. I guess I could do it myself.

Every little thing that I do in my day reminds me of the dogs. I was always so aware of them. Anything I got to eat they had some of - like honey nut cheerios, apple ends, bananas and cheese. They loved getting a bite of everything. And when I woke up, I missed the girls right away. There are some positives though. It's cold out today and I don't have to open the back door for the girls to go out. I don't have to worry about Blitz messing up the bed.

I can't think about this anymore right now. I'm feeling sad.

Today it is the Life Blog

It all started in the summer of 2005 when we got Skooter. The good times and the bad times. In the winter of that year we moved up to our "mountain home" in Woodland Park. Not only did Skooter come with us but Dyrk and his family came too. It was ideal living with the kids and grandkids up there and Skooter just rounded it all out so nicely. We gave up Skooter once while we were up there. Sent him back to his breeder because I just couldn't handle him. He wasn't a bad dog, I was a bad owner. I thought that was the saddest day of my life when I didn't have Skooter. Turns out it wasn't.

By mid-summer we had lost our home to foreclosure and our financial security to bankruptcy. The kids had gone back to Wisconsin. We still had Skooter but it seemed so lonely without the rest of the family. So in the summer of 2006, just after Skooter turned a year old, we added Moped to our family. I know, this is all ancient history, but I need to talk about it today. It was a joy having the two of them. At least for a while. Then is was nothing but chaotic for me. They were high energy dogs and I was a low energy person. It just didn't work. Again, not bad dogs but a bad owner. Anyway, we kept that as long as we could. Then I contacted the GSP Rescue down in Penrose and asked if they could be surrendered to the Rescue. I couldn't believe I was giving up my boys. But I did. I knew it was better for them to find homes separately. Together they were a force to be reckoned with. And we just couldn't even think of giving up just one of them. The guilt probably would have never left me had we done that. So we took both Skooter and Moped down to the Rescue so they could find more appropriate homes. It literally took me months to spend just one day not crying about giving them up. It was the most horrible period in my life.

Then Kris called and talked us in to fostering two 7 year old female GSP's that needed a home. I didn't really want to do the dog thing again, but keeping them for just a short time would be okay. So on 4/15/2007 we had Huxley and Blitz come and live with us. For the next year I battled depression. I got a part time job but had to quit because of fatigue and pain and it was difficult leaving the girls for almost 5 hours a day. They were going crazy being left home alone. So from the day we got them until now, it's just been a back and forth about whether to keep them. I knew it wasn't the best thing for me and once we found out David had allergies, it kind of closed the door on keeping them. But we did keep them for a year and a half because the Rescue couldn't take them.

Tabby, our 15 year old cat, died in April 2008. She had to be put down because she had hyperthyroidism and was dying. I didn't want her to suffer so we did the humane thing.

And that brings us to today 11/28/2008. Well, actually 8 days ago. On November 20th my friend from DBT Group, Bonnie, killed herself. She was 43 years old. Learning about her death was horrible especially knowing the way her life ended. It reminded me of when my brother had committed suicide 22 years ago. It's always so senseless and leaves everyone behind dealing not only with grief but with so much guilt and so many questions. The day after Bonnie died, all of us from DBT Group went out to Jeanne's house to tell her the terrible news (she had missed Group Thursday night). We went out East where she lives and told her and cried with her and mourned with her.

I thought that coming home to the dogs and the cats would be a comfort but it turned out to be a burden. I had to worry about how long I was gone and when David would be home so the dogs wouldn't be left alone for too long. I wanted to think about Bonnie but I had to worry about the dogs. And when a person puts an end to their life it makes you wonder about your own life. I realized that I wasn't happy being a pet owner. My house was always a mess, full of pet hair, and the carpet was ruined. I couldn't have friends over anymore because of the way the house looked and smelled. And it just wasn't fair to the dogs. I never took them for walks and they only had a small yard to run around in. Even though they are lazy dogs and sleep a lot, they are GSP's and just have tons of energy. I didn't want my life in pause anymore because of the dogs and cats. But when I asked Kris about taking them (yet again) she said there was no room at the doggy inn. So we decided again to keep them.

One week to the day after Bonnie killed herself our nephew, Zach, who was only 23, died from an aggressive form of leukemia. He had only been diagnosed 2 weeks ago. We never went up to see him in the hospital because we couldn't leave the girls for that long. And we just couldn't afford to take them to a day care. So Zach died and we didn't get to say goodbye. I haven't been able to say goodbye to Bonnie either. She was buried out of state and I don't know when or if they will have a Memorial Service for her here in town.

You just don't understand the word 'closure' very well until you don't have it. So my friends intervened and helped me do what I could not do on my own, especially at a time of so much loss already - they took the girls down to the Rescue today. With all the family stuff that will going on up in Lakewood, we'd have to constantly be making arrangements for the dogs and honestly I'm just too tired and too devastated to worry about dogs and cats. So Kitty and Lisa came by this morning, picked up the girls and headed to the Rescue. David and I left town when the left. I had a couple pictures of them that I tucked into my bag. I didn't even have to look at the pictures. Their wonderful faces were clear in my mind. Lisa called while we were out and told me that they had surrendered Huxley and Blitz. My heart broke. Like with Skooter and Moped, I knew it was the best thing for everyone involved, but that didn't keep my heart from being torn apart.

And I felt guilty for crying more for my dogs than I did for Bonnie or Zach. Or maybe it was an accumulation of the last 3 1/2 years - the mountain home, the finances, Skooter, Moped, Bonnie, Zach and now the girls. Maybe I'm mourning all my losses today. Ronda has lost her son and I'm crying about dogs. All I can do is shake my head.

Lisa said that dogs should enhance your life not take it over. Well, that's what Huxley and Blitz did. They took over my life. I was nothing but a glorified pet sitter. Don't get me wrong. I love them both so much, but I haven't slept through the night since we've had them. I couldn't enjoy a snowy or rainy day because I knew they'd be tracking it all into the house. And forget about sleeping late - Blitz always woke me up in the morning even though she'd already been out during the night.

So, I haven't been happy for a long time. I wish the girls would have added to my life instead of taking away from it. I would have kept them. But when you're staring death in the face twice in 8 days, you really start to put things into perspective. They are dogs. Our family and friends are what really matter. And my happiness matters too. I don't want to be a doggy door man anymore. All I want to do is grieve over all the people, pets and things that I've lost since 2005. I want to cry and not have to get up to let the dogs out. I want to sleep and not be woken up by the dogs. I want to go and mourn my nephew and my friend without worrying about what I'm going to do with the dogs.

I think that both David and I knew that we never should have taken in dogs again after giving up Skooter and Moped. That loss was just too devastating. But we tried with Huxley and Blitz. I know I tried so hard. But I'm just too sad right now to deal with dogs and cats. I want my house back. I want to be able to have friends over to help me get through being sad. I want to have a life again. My calling isn't to open a Rescue; it's too live a happy life with David.

Bonnie killed herself. Zach up and died. And the girls went to the Rescue today. Not so much a good week. I don't feel like celebrating the holidays and birthdays we have in December (and there are a lot of them) but I know that's where my life is - with my family and friends. The pain of giving up Huxley and Blitz will diminish one day. I know that because the pain of giving up Skooter and Moped has diminished. It hasn't completely left and I don't expect that it ever will. But one day, hopefully not too far off in the future, I can be happy again.

Bonnie, Zach and Tabby are with God. Skooter, Moped, Huxley and Blitz are where they belong for now too. One day we will all be together again. I know we will, because I can't believe anything less.

It snowed last night. The girls had gone out into the back yard and left their paw prints in the snow on the deck. I couldn't help but cry when I saw their paw prints melting away. So much has melted away this past week. Now it is time for tears again. And time to get back to my life.

Surrendering Huxley and Blitz

Kris called tonight and said that someone may be interested in adopting Huxley and Blitz. She sent the person photographs of Huxley and Blitz. She'll call me when she knows anything.

They loves them some bunnies

The girls aren't up on the GSP website yet. I sent Kris an email asking if we can help in locating and owner or foster care. Things are getting more stressful for me personally (totally unrelated to the dogs) and I'm wanting to find the girls a home. I need to take care of me right now and that means no pets. I'm not even sure I could explain why that is, but it just is. Knowing that the girls will be leaving, I'm becoming a bit detached from them. I still love them and give the attention and care for them but I'm not 100% vested in them right now. I was thinking that it will be difficult to get them homes since they can't walk on a leash without pulling. I guess I need to work on that further. They get so excited when they get to go for a walk that all they do is pull. If they see a bunny it's even worse. lol They loves them some bunnies.

I haven't done a very good job with the girls. I should have spent much more time training them instead of letting them run the house. It's the same thing I did with Skooter and Moped. I'm just not the type of person who should have a dog and especially not TWO dogs!

I guess I could start later this morning and take them out one at a time and work on leash training them. They really need to learn to walk on a leash. And there are some other things I need to work on with them too. I guess using treats on the walk would help. I need to get some smaller treats though. Maybe I'll get something at the pet store. I know what I want I just can't think of what they are called at the moment. It's on the tip of my tongue.

I really need to work on Blitzie whining for what she needs. The whining has to be ignored completely. David has a hard time doing that though. He has trouble being patient and waiting for a break in the whining to give her what she wants. That's my fault too. I didn't take the time to discipline them and now I'm paying for it.

They both are doing great at sit and lie down (go to bed, too). They perform well for treats so I need to use those more in training. Just walking them around the cul de sac at first would be enough (for them and for me lol). I'd love to be able to take them on my walks but I like my shoulder in it's socket, if you know what I mean. *grin*

Well, it's almost 3:30am so I need to go back to bed. We are having lunch (a double date) with Mike and Lisa at 2pm today at Chili's. I'm really looking forward to that.

The wait...

I checked the GSP website and there are over 30 dogs (including 12 puppies!) listed for adoption. There are 4 seniors alone. It won't be easy to find a home for Huxley and Blitz (especially not together). Knowing that I might have them for 2 more months is difficult. Not because I don't love them, but because I do. It'll be hard every day not knowing when they will get adopted. I feel sad. I'm also worried about them scratching David. They jump on him and scratch him all the time and it could have caused the cellulitis he has in his leg. It's cost us over $100 already for the care for the celluliis. I mean, it's not the dogs fault. They just may have scratched him and some bacteria got in the scratch. But he may be more prone to getting cellulitis now. I wish I could keep the dogs but there are lots of personal reasons why I can't. I will miss them terribly when they get adopted. It would be weird if one gets adopted and not the other. They've been together all their lives. I know that they can adjust but I'm not sure how they will do without each other. That causes me some worry.

Huxley is nesting in the blankets on the floor (laundry) and Blitzie is nesting on the bed. The sheets and covers are all messed up. LOL I have to make the bed every night before we can go to bed. David slept in the other room last night because the girls were taking up all the room on his side of the bed and he couldn't move them. I don't want him to have to sleep in the other room.

I never thought to ask Kris about Skooter and Moped. I'm sure they are doing great. I still miss them. I guess it will be that way with Huxley and Blitz too.

Kris called me last night. She will post the dogs on the GSP site but can't take them into the Rescue because she has brand new puppies and is not accepting new dogs. She also has a litter due in about 3 weeks, so she won't be taking in new dogs for about 2 months. So, we'll have to keep Huxley and Blitz until someone adopts them. And they will probably be split up. That's sad but there's nothing I can do about it except pray that someone will take both of them. I don't mind that they are not going down to the Rescue but I wasn't intending on keeping them for months. Oh well, at least the ball is rolling. It's really difficult for me to give them up because it really has nothing to do with the dogs. It's for personal reasons. I still love them and care about them. I just can't keep them any longer.

Kris was appreciative of us sending money to the Rescue every month. I am glad that we can help. Kris has been a great help to us and has worked with us every step of the way. That is much appreciated.

I know I will be sad to see the dogs go and there will be many tears.

Nap over for me

I woke up from my nap. David and the girls are still in there though. They look so sweet. I will miss napping with them. Nothing from Kris yet.

We're back to the beginning again. I sent an email to Kris telling her that we want to give up Huxley and Blitz. I've been thinking about it for at least a month month and really since the day we got them. When Kris asked us to do foster care, I was fine with keeping them until they could get forever homes. Then I let myself believe that we could keep them permanently. I've never been comfortable with that decision. If, when I talked to Kris about sending them to the Rescue over a year ago, she had agreed to take them, we would have brought them to the Rescue. But I've realized that as much as I love them, and boy do I love them, I'm not a GSP Rescue. They are special dogs and need special owners. Even at 8 years old they still have a lot of playfulness in them. And as lazy as these two girls are, they still have more energy than I can deal with.

With everything that is going on in my life, including going back to work, it's difficult to find the time that they need. I don't exercise them as much as I should and it shows because Huxley had gained quite a bit of weight. Blitz is still pretty slim and trim. Huxley eats first and eats a lot. It's hard to keep her out of the food so Blitz can eat. We rarely take them on drives anymore. They did enjoy going to day care, but I really can't afford that every week. They deserve better then the sedentary life we are giving them. They are athletic dogs and need a higher energy owner.

I keep looking at them, Huxley especially, and think that they look like they know. But I know that they don't. I'm just transferring my feelings onto them.

I feel like I have failed them. I would have liked for them to be our forever dogs. But a dog, particularly a GSP, is just not in our future. I feel like an idiot because we've tried with four GSP's and it didn't work long term with any of them. I believe I have learned my lesson and will never get another dog. I'm even considering finding homes for Minnie and Paulie because I just don't want the responsibility of a pet. I know it's selfish, but I want my time to be my time and with four pets, it just never happens. I'm always tending to the dogs when they are in the house. When the dogs go out, then the cats come to sit in my lap. I love them too, but I just want my lap to myself some days. And I miss sleeping with David. The girls are always in between us and taking up the most of the bed. We've tried to get them to sleep on he floor, but they get on the bed when I am at work and they think the bed is theirs.

So, I'm back where I started - feeling sad and fearful because I have to give up my two dogs. It's a horrible place to be. I know I will cry for weeks and I will miss them terribly but that does not outweigh the issues I am having. And it's not because of the dogs. They are awesome. Blitzie is a bit of a whiner when she wants something but as soon as she gets it (water, to go out) she's just fine. They are both sleeping right now, Huxley on the blanket on the floor in the living room and Blitzie in our bed. She knows it's nap time. LOL

So, I'm waiting to hear from Kris. I asked if we could bring them down to the Rescue this weekend or next. If she's not able to take them in, I don't know what I will do. I guess I would have to start looking for homes for them myself. But I just don't want to do that. I know they will be happy at the Rescue with all the other dogs. Huxley and Blitz are very social. And their next owners will be better suited to take care of them.

I'm feeling sleepy, so I think I will go nap with Blitz. And I'm sure that Huxley will join us too. David might even be able to fit too! LOL

I am heartbroken once again. I won't do this to myself or to the dogs again. I promise.

Reinforcing the fence AGAIN!

Well, we had to reinforce the fence again because Huxley and Blitz were still able to get under it. We strung 2 cable wires through the fence and screwed them into the posts. I still think we might have to try something else. My thought was to run a 2"x4" along the ground and nail the fence into it. That way there would be no chance of them getting under the fence. That'll cost some money though for the lumber. We may just do a section at a time, getting the sections that are easiest for them to get under first.

I left work early today for a doctors appointment but I went by the house first to let the dogs out. They were glad to see me and to get outside. lol I was only home for about 10 minutes, then I had to head out to the doctors. Now I'm at Brakes Plus getting my Jeep repaired yet again. Thankfully we have the money to do it. I just hate leaving the girls so long today. David has the duty pager and won't be home until about 4pm. Hopefully they'll make it that long.

One of the dogs peed on the carpet in our bedroom last night. I cleaned it up and I'll have to get the rug cleaned again. I'm not sure which one of them did it but I'm thinking it was Blitz. She seemed like she was a bit under the weather yesterday. David will probably get home before I do so they'll be happy to see him.

Minnie and Paulie are still meowing a lot. I think they are still looking for Tabby or just miss her. I don't blame them. I miss her too. I was so used to seeing her sweet face poking out the kitty door into the hallway. Quite a few times, Huxley and Blitz, but especially Huxley would go nose to nose with her. The dogs would get so excited. Tabby just seemed bored. lol It 's hard for me to believe that I'll never hold Tabby again. I wish I would have been able to do more with her at the end, but she didn't like being touched or brushed much. I hate to admit it but I'd love to have another Tabby cat. I have pretty much always had a Tabby cat since the 1980's. Tabby Edward was the first. He was a goof ball. John got to keep him and he left him with a friend while he went TDY and the friend had Tabby Edward put to sleep - for no good reason! I'm still mad about that. He was a great cat. And of course we've had Tabby for the last 15+ years. But a kitten would be out of the question because I think the girls would eat a kitten. No kidding.

When Blitzie seemed poorly yesterday I worried that she might be sick. I'm kind of gun shy now that Tabby is gone. I can't imagine the cats or dogs getting sick. But they all are 7+ years old now. That's pretty young for my animals but it's not 'spring chicken' either.

I had to get up and go sit and my chair to sleep last night for a while because Huxley wouldn't move over to let me get into bed. What a bed hog. I think finally I was able to go back to bed and get Huxley to move.

Dang, it's getting cold here at the car shop. It's supposed to snow later today. I don't think the roads will be effected, but they say it will stick to the grass. Huxley and Blitz aren't big on going out in the snow like Skooter and Moped are. They are definitely indoor, spoiled, lazy girls. And I love them very much.

The Epitome of Laziness

Here is Blitz. She made a pillow out of my blankets and was being lazy. She's so precious.

Tribute to Tabby - Part 2

A few years ago, in October, we bought a second home outside of Woodland Park, in the Pike National Forest. We lived up there for about a year. Minnie, Tabby & Paulie lived there with us, along with Skooter, Olie and Genesis. We lived out in the forest and definitely had to make sure the cats didn't get out. We had a neighborhood fox and a not so friendly bear. There were postings that a mountain lion was in the area tool. We had to keep an eye on Skooter and the other dogs when they went out so they didn't end up a tasty little snack. I don't think the cats enjoyed living outside of Woodland Park in the forest. I think they knew they were just an hoursderve there.

The following summer David and I moved back to the house in the Springs. Tabby meowed the whole way down Ute Pass and across town (about an hour or so). They all were glad be home again. Tabby was doing great living here. Her weight was up to 13 pounds and she wore it well. LOL


Isn't she beautiful? She wasn't fat she was just fluffy. lol She thrived living here out East with us. Many nights we could hear her purring under the head of our bed. It was such a peaceful and content sound. I fell asleep to Tabby's purring many times.

Tabby was definitely a family pet. She loved both of us and would sit in our laps and purr until she fell asleep. Here she is with David.


It wasn't unusual to find Tabby in the sink, just laying there.

Or in the tub either.


She loved her brother, Paulie and her sister, Minnie. They weren't biologically siblings, but in their hearts they were. Minnie and Paulie grew up with Tabby in their lives. They didn't know life any other way.


I thought Tabby would live until her 20's. She was so happy and healthy. But I guess that wasn't meant to be. She started looking ill about 2 months ago. I thought she was just losing weight because she was getting older. Then she started peeing on the carpet. Then she lost a lot of weight. I had the vet come to see her and he did some blood work. He said he was pretty sure she had hyperthyroidism and would need to be on medication. A day or so later the lab work came back and confirmed that she did indeed have hyperthyroidism. Dr. G put her on some thyroid medicine and we waited a couple of weeks to see if it helped.

It didn't help.

I looked into her face one day and it was like she was pleading with me to stop the suffering she was going through. I know if was just me thinking that, but she certainly wasn't feeling good.

I made a decision on a weekend to have her put down. I loved her so much and just couldn't bear to watch her become so ill. She wouldn't take her medicine anymore and was throwing up more often. I called Dr. G on the morning of April 7th and left a message for him. I told him that the medicine wasn't having a noticeable effect and that Tabby seemed to be losing control of some of her bodily functions. It was time to let kitty go as Dr. G would say. Dr. G called me back within an hour or so and we discussed what the current situation was. He made an appointment to come out that day after I got home from work.

I spent a little time with Tabby telling her how much I love her and that it was time for her to stop suffering. I loved her enough to let her go. Dr. G came by at noon. I went into the cat's room and got Tabby. She didn't fight at all. I sat on the couch with Dr. G by my side. I held Tabby as he gave her the first injection, the one that would put her in lala land. It took effect quite quickly. She was purring the whole time. I just cradled her in my arms and loved her. I rubbed my hand along her head and neck. She seemed to really enjoy it. I'm getting teary eyed just thinking about this. I could feel her heart beating very fast, but she still purred. After a couple of minutes of me holding her and telling her how much I loved her, the medicine did it's job and she was zonked out. I had never enjoyed holding her as much as I did in those few minutes. Dr. G explained everything before doing it so I would know what was going on and what to expect. She continued to purr and I continued to pet her. Then Dr. G gave her an anesthtic that would stop her breathing and heart beat. She passed away within seconds. I could feel her heart stop beating. It was such a lonely moment. I hugged her and held her for a few minutes. I didn't want to give her up.

Then I was ready to say goodbye to Tabby for the final time. I handed her oh so gently into the arms of Dr. G. He was very sweet, kind and careful with her. He was going to have her cremated for us. I decided not to get her remains back. He held her in both hands, very gently. I was amazed at how small she had become. And very respectfully he walked her out to his mobile vet clinic. It was he last time I got to see her.

I cried a lot when she was gone. I even took the day off from work on Tuesday because I felt such overwhelming grief. I never realized just how much of a habit it was to see her. She was always peeking her head out that kitty door and giving me a tiny meow. I miss that and hearing her purring under the bed.

I take comfort in the fact that she is no longer suffering. It doesn't lessen my grief though. We had Tabby for almost 16 years. She gave us a wonderful life and we were blessed to have her in our family. I don't think I will ever stop missing her.

"Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.

When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

Author unknown..."

I look forward to the day when I will meet all of my pets at the Rainbow Bridge.

The Dog Blog Pays Tribute to Tabby

Tabby was born in July of 1993. Her mom was literally an alley cat. She lived out back of our house in the alley. And she was pregnant. When she disappeared for a few days we knew the blessed event had taken place. It wasn't long before she was bringing the babies over to our back deck for a handout (which we happily obliged). The kittens were not human friendly though since they were born in a run down shack in an alley. Of course, some of them were braver than others and would even let us pat them.

I don't really know what it was about Tabby that made us pick her out of the crowd. Maybe it was just her sweet little face. But at the point when we decided that Mama cat and babies had to go to the Humane Society, we also decided to "keep" Tabby. We weren't actually allowed to have a pet in our rented home so we just kept her outside. For the first 5 years of her life she was strictly an outdoor cat, living in the shack across the alley that she was born in. She was always such a tender soul.

I'd like to tell some remarkable stories about Tabby but quite honestly she lived, for the most part, an uneventful life. She was always healthy, friendly and loving.

When she was five years old we decided to let her in the house, even though we weren't supposed to do that. She loved being an indoor kitty. She still went outside to do her business, but once she discovered the luxuries of living indoors, she was content to stay inside most of the day. Her life had been hard those first five years.

Tabby has moved around with us many times. Oh, I just remembered something that happened to Tabby. One day she was iin te backyard and a big, ole Magpie bird was buzzing Tabby's head. She was terrified, poor girl. That insane bird was picking on my cat and my cat didn't appreciate it much. Tabby was probably six when that happened. She stayed in the house more and more after that bird attack. When she did go out, she would slink across the yard and run to the shack. It was sort of funny at the time that a bird was terrorizing my cat.

Anyway, back to Tabby moving around with us. When we left the West side of town and moved into the middle of town, Tabby came along. She didn't care much for the cat carrier but she mad the trip across town. At this point she pretty much was a house cat but she still went outside to check things out. I remember, just like it was yesterday, seeing her running, with her belly so low to the ground that she looked like she was stalking something; but in actuality she was making a bee line for the back shed so she could hide underneath it from the birds. She was our only pet at that time.

Then we all packed up and moved even further east across town taking Tabby in tow. Because the neighborhood had foxes prowling around we decided that Tabby would become a full fledged indoor cat. She didn't seem to mind the change.

Well, I'm getting sleepy and so I'm going to head to bed. I'll continue the tribute to Tabby tomorrow. I'll add some pictures then too. I don't have the smarts to do it right now. lol Goodnight!

Cats and Dogs

The cats are coming out of their room more than ever now. Sometimes when the girls are in bed in our room, Minnie and Paulie will come out into the living room. Tabby doesn't come out as much. She got scared by the dogs once. They got excited when they saw her and she fell on her side to protect herself and they got real closed to her, all excited, and were sniffing her. That did not go over real well with Tabby. She stays in the cat room or goes under the bed in our room. Minnie, however, comes out closer and closer to them every day.


Mostly they just look at each other and then part ways.

I need to give Tabby her thyroid medicine before I go to bed tonight. She's doing okay. I think we'll have to have another round of blood work done though to see how she's really doing.

Bert and Ginger came over today and we let the girls in to visit with them. They are both dog lovers. The dogs were wonderful with them. I'm glad they aren't all crazy around people. I still think about that time we had people over from Rev Church and we had to put Moped and Skooter out in the garage in their kennels. David let them out when we were all in the garage and they went nuts. It was embarrassing (and dangerous). I'm glad the girls have manners.

I got an email from Kathy today about some new litters she has. It made me think about Moped and Skooter. None of her puppies are as cute as Mopes or Skoots but they are kissable. LOL

The girls and David are already in bed and I'm going to join them shortly. I love my girls. They are wonderful companions. David is taking the day off of work tomorrow (hockey) so the girls will have him for company, which means I don't have to run right home after work. Maybe I can meet Lisa somewhere for lunch close by. I'll have to see what her plans are. I'll try to be home before David leaves for the rink so I can see him and be home for the dogs.

Have to go to bed now. I'm getting sleepy. And if I don't go in there soon, I won't be able to get either of them to move over and give me some room on the bed to sleep. They are such bed hogs! LOLI can't remember if I posted this earlier, but even if I did it'll be great to see it again: the girls in their new collars.


Okay, I'm really going now...

Harnesses or Collars?

I went out earlier and got new harnesses for the girls. Their collars were pretty beat up and I just got their license tags in the mail today so it was a good day to buy them new hardware. We put the harnesses on them (leaving the tags on in case they didn't like them) and watched to see what they would do. Well, they moped around and looked all depressed. Blitz was afraid to jump up on the bed and stayed on her bed on the floor. Here they are:


Doesn't poor Blitzie look unhappy. I couldn't let her stay like that. So David took me back to PetCo and I exchanged the harnesses for the collars. They are very stylish with a flower design on them. Huxley's is orange and green sunflower design and Blitz's is pink and white flower design. Hopefully you can see them well enough in these pictures:


Aren't they nice collars? They adjusted to them right away (unlike the harnesses - ~sigh~). I can't believe that I care so much about my dogs' fashion statement. Oh well, there's worse things to care about. :-) And I saved about $16.50 going with the collars. Woot!

Not again!

Blitz just fell out of bed again. I was in the living room and she was in the bedroom taking a nap with David. I heard something and I looked down the hall and she was half on and half off the bed. She looked confused. LOL I think what happens is that they lay with their back to the edge of the bed and then push on David with their feet until they fall off. Huxley is playing it safe and laying on their bed on the floor.

They Make Good Avatars

I've been using pictures of Huxley and Blitz for my avatars on the MyTMMO forum. I've had compliments on them too. I love that Huxley is smiling in her picture and that Blitz has her head tilted. Blitz was out on the deck while it was snowing. Huxley was all smiles because she was going for a ride in the jeep.

"I Meant To Do That!"

Blitz was on the bed with David. He was loving on her and she flipped over to get a belly scratch. She fell right off the bed! She's fine, just a bit embarrassed.