Alone

David has to work hockey tonight and I don't have any dogs to take care of. What will I do with all my time? I'm amazed at just how much time I spent focusing on the dogs and how much 'free' time I have today. Most of it is 'brain time'. I think about them a lot. I keep looking out the door thinking they are waiting to be let in. But there are no dogs there. They are at the Rescue, so far away from me. I want to cry but I don't even know what I'm crying about. I wanted them to go, so why am I so upset? Why do I want to go get them? I'm not a good dog owner. It's selfish for me to keep two dogs that need walks and activity when I'm not willing to give them what they need. I'm angry at Bonnie and Zach. If they hadn't died maybe I would have kept the dogs. I need to stop thinking this way. I am better off without them and they are better off at the Rescue waiting for more appropriate homes. I don't have the energy or time to take care of two large dogs in such a small house. But I miss them. I'm afraid they won't get a home together. I'm not sure how they would do without each other. They've never known anything but being together.

I was thinking earlier today about all the things that Huxley and Blitz would share with us: carrots, apples, bananas, PB&J sandwiches, cheeseburgers. Really just everything. If we ate it they wanted to try it. I of course didn't give them anything that would hurt them or make them sick. Blitz does have a sensitive stomach so I didn't share as much with her. But my Huxley was my treat girl. Whether it was dog treats or human treats, Huxley was up for it. I feel bad that I didn't video tape them more often. Especially when Huxley would back herself up to sit on the rug for a treat. I'd always say 'beep, beep, beep' like a vehicle backing up. I'm sad that I don't have a video of that. But I do have some videos that I will always enjoy. I think the last one I took was of Huxley wriggling around on the floor, then shaking her ears. It is so cute.

I always feel better when I post on the Dog Blog. It makes me feel closer to all of my dogs. David was actually already talking about another dog some day. I just can't even think of it. Yesterday, when we were on the road, I swear I was seeing dogs everywhere - being walked, in cars, in the back of trucks, just everywhere. I guess it will be like that for a while.

Anyway, I feel alone tonight without my girls.