Email to Kris

This is the email that I just sent to Kris:

Kris,

Thanks for calling to let me know that you received the check and the new family packet. I think it's important for the new family to have each dog's history and 'baby' pictures and videos. Thanks for passing that stuff along to them.

I'm curious: do you take Skooter with you on the home visit? If so, I'd love to know how he does with the prospective new owners. And please let me know how Moped does with his prospective new family on Saturday. Where does his interested family live?

Would you be able to take a couple of pictures of them before they leave the Rescue and email them to me? I'd love to have some pictures of them playing or romping around. If you're not able to, that's okay, just thought I'd ask. I know how busy you are.

I wish you continued success with the Rescue and I will try to send a donation every once in a while to help out. If I win the lottery you'll be on my list of charities to give to . (Guess my odds of winning would increase if I bought a ticket though, huh! .)

You don't have to get back to me right away on this email. I know you'll be busy over the next few days. Look forward to hearing from you whenever you have the time.

Sincerely,

Samantha

I love them enough to have given them up

Today, Kris could be meeting Skooter's new owners and tomorrow Moped might be headed home with his new owners. It's all happening so fast. It's what I want for them, to find a forever home, but it's hard nonetheless. I wonder if they'll really be better off with their new families? I wonder if it will work out for Skooter and Moped? I want them to adjust to their new homes quickly. I want them to be happy. I want them to be in better homes than I could have provided for them. They need to be free, out of their kennels. They need lots of exercise. I think I'll ask Kris if she'll send me a couple of pictures of them before they leave the Rescue. I wonder if the new families will contact me? I pray that they do. I'd like to ask them if they could keep me in the loop on the dogs every six months or so. Maybe a quick email and a picture. I did not give these dogs up willingly. I gave them up because it was the best thing for them. I don't want to let go. Not just yet. It still hurts too much. I will always miss them and wonder what they are up to. I want these families to be as committed to Skooter and Moped as I was, willing to put in all the time, effort and money it would take to make that happen.

I wonder if Skooter goes on the home visit today or if it's just Kris? I wonder if she wants to see how Skooter will react to his new people and his new surroundings? And it would give the family a chance to meet Skooter and see how beautiful he is. I'm sure he'll be shy at first, but he'll warm up quickly. I'd like to know how the home visit went if Skooter got to go.

And Moped, he could be in his new home tomorrow. I wonder how Moped will behave with the new people? He gets so excited about everything. He's love the kids. I hope he is ready to show them that he is a good dog and would be a good choice for adoption. How can they not love Moped once they see how beautiful he is? If they want a playful, happy-go-lucky dog, then Moped is their boy!

This is all so scary. Being without them, having them go to new homes is difficult. But it could be made easier if the new families choose to contact me. But I will understand if they feel the need to have me let go of the dog completely. I hope for an open adoption. But if not, I hope they appreciate thier pictures and their videos. I hope they are okay with the letters I wrote about each dog's history. I want them to know how much I love them - enough to give them up! It takes a lot of love to let go. But I can do it knowing that it's what is best for Skooter and Moped.

I hope they'll keep the dog's names. I know sometimes people change the dogs name, but I truly hope that they will keep thier names. They ARE Skooter and Moped! It's difficult because so much is out of my hands now.

Not right now

I've been researching getting another dog, a toy fox terrier puppy. But I just watched the videos of the dogs and it brought tears to my eyes. Soon they will be with other owners. Yes, owners. I do not own them anymore. I miss them terribly. I'll never be able to see snow drifts without thinking about them playing in them. This house reminds me so much of them. I'm doing the right thing, I know I am, but it doesn't stop me from missing them. It doesn't stop me from being sad. I look at other dogs and see how cute they are, but I compare them to Skooter and Moped and they don't measure up. I just couldn't get another dog. Not right now.

Ice cubes

I'm talking to Lynn and she was getting some ice. Her cat wanted some and she told him he didn't want any. That reminded me that Skooter and Moped love ice cubes. Whenever David would get some ice he'd have to get a few extra cubes for the dogs. He'd give each of them a cube and they would just chomp on it. What a happy memory. I'd like their owners to know they like ice cubes. Sometimes I would give them an ice cube as a treat. They always enjoyed that.

An update from Kris (RM GSP Rescue)

Kris called to let me know that she got the donation I sent and the package for the new owners. She was very thankful for the donation. She said she watched the puppy videos and she thought they were very cute. She will pass on the letter and videos to the new owners.

Kris said the boys are doing great. They are putting on weight and muscle. Skooter and Moped aren't getting along that well so they stay apart during the day but at night Skooter and Moped get to sleep together in the same kennel (one big enough for both of them). She said that Skooter growls at Moped! :-) I knew it would be good if they were re-homed separately. Some nights, if they go to work at PetCo with her daughter, instead of waking up all the dogs in the kennels, the dog gets to sleep in the house. The boys must love that. She brings treats out in her pockets and gets mobbed by the dogs. :-)

Tomorrow Kris is doing a home visit for Skooter's potential new family. A guy and his wife up in Cherry Creek are interested in Skooter. The guy works at home all but one day. The wife works five days. On the one day that they both aren't home, Skooter would go to doggy day care. They look forward to taking Skooter for walks and runs around Cherry Creek. I hope it works out for Skooter. I'll miss him but I'll be glad that he finds his forever home.

Saturday a family is going down to check out Moped. Hopefully he'll be on his best behavior :-) . The family has two kids, two acres fenced in and other dogs to socialize with in the neighborhood. He would get to be out all day running around the yard. And the mom doesn't work so he'd have someone at home with him the majority of the time. I hope it works out for Moped.

Kris said that she interviews the families and asks them questions. If she doesn't like their answers, they don't get the dogs. She referred to the dogs as her boys! :-) I told her that she is spoiling the dogs and I was glad to know that she is.

I smiled the whole time she talked to me. It was bittersweet though talking about their new families. I don't know if they will contact me or not. It'll be hard not knowing what and how they are doing every couple of days. That makes me sad.

I can't think of anything else she said right now. I might have covered it all, but if I think of something I'll add it in later.

Changing subjects:

I received a couple of emails on TFT puppies. I might wait until Fall to get another dog. I'm not sure. The breeders have been very nice in their emails. I especially like the breeder up in Denver (Barbara). But she won't have any puppies until late Summer or Fall though. One of the other breeders has male puppies available now but they would have to be shipped to us on a plane and that's not covered under the health guarantee. I think I'd rather wait on Barbara and be able to see the whole litter and be able to pick out the puppy that we want (temperament testing and all that) and be able to drive up to Denver to get it. It might be good to wait anyway so I can finish grieving over Skooter. I will grieve when he gets a new home.

Woody

I went over to Lisa's today for tea & biscotti. When I got there Lisa was a bit frayed. Woody, her young poodle, had just peed on the couch and had somehow knocked a cup of coffee off of a shelf and it ended up on the ceiling, amongst other places.

See what I'm missing out on because I don't have dogs any more! :-)

It was just a dream

I woke up feeling very sad. I had a dream that we gave Skooter to a shelter or he was lost and ended up at a shelter. We went to the shelter to get him. We brought him home. Within days I realized that the dog was not Skooter. He had different markings. I started crying for Skooter. I told everyone in my dream that I had the wrong dog, it wasn't Skooter! I cried and cried. I went to the shelter to return the wrong dog and get Skooter back but alarmingly they didn't have Skooter and didn't know where he was. I panicked. I had to have Skooter back. I was so sad that I couldn't find Skooter. David got another dog to replace Skooter but it just made me cry harder for Skooter. David meant well but I missed my Skooter. I longed for Skooter. Then I woke up feeling like I was going to cry and feeling panicked. I woke David up and told him about the dream. He said it was just a dream. But I think it's another telling dream.

We have given Skooter away, we have lost him. The other dog that I brought home refers to the puppy we are thinking of getting. It won't be Skooter. It might feel good at first but then I'll reallize that it's not Skooter and still miss Skooter. I think that the dog that David brings home refers to him asking me last night to think about getting a puppy. I felt like he was trying to replace Skooter.

When I was up earlier this morning I sent out an email to a dog breeder and then spent time surfing online re: TFT's, her site and another woman's site. Here's the response to the email that I sent:

My friend is an UKC judge...here is her info....
Dr. Marsha L. Shively
Shively's Livelies' TFTs
tftshively@aol.com
www.toy-fox-terrier.net


----- Original Message -----
From: Samantha WAGONER
To: Barb
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 5:46 AM
Subject: Re: puppy - additional questions

Additional questions regarding your upcoming litters:

- How long have you had the breed in question?
We started with the Breed in 1999...
- Why do you have the breed in question (show, performance, hunting, etc.)?
Started with the breed for just a pet...fell in love and decided to start showing and breeding...can not do performance due to health reasons...dog would lose due to handler err...hahaha...
- What do you consider to be the most important single characteristic of an example of this breed?
Attitude...these little guys take on the personality of the household and are little clowns...don't need a TV can just watch the dogs...
- What health issues have you seen in the breed?
The only health issue we have come accross is patella luxation but we do test our dogs for patella luxation, CHG, Heart, CERF....Patella Luxation is common for Toy dogs...if we get one that has it we neuter/spay and place in a pet home with restrictions...the new owner is informed that they may need surgery down the road...
- What criteria do you set for your breeding stock?
No health issues...Champions in Conformation...in both AKC and UKC...meets the standard for both AKC and UKC except weight...Weight for UKC is 3 - 7 lbs and I have a couple that are 8 lbs...but feel this is close enough when I breed with a 3.5 lb male...pups are usually well within the limits...show the females that look like they might out grow the standard before the weight becomes an issue to get the finished...
- Do you plan to keep a puppy from this litter?
I try to keep a pup from each litter or the most exceptional one...we have been known to keep a pup finish it then place it in a home that we can use for breeding or neuter/spay it and put it in a pet home...
- How often do you have puppies?
we are still developing our line and have pups from each female within breeding age once a year or we will do a back to back breeding and give the mom a year off...
- Do you have a written contract and puppy guarantee?
We do have a health guarantee and a written contract for both pet and show potential pups...
- At what age do you send your pups to their homes?
Puppies go to new homes at the age of 8 weeks unless we want to watch them mature and then it could be 3 - 6 months...
- How would you describe the ideal dog of this breed?
This is a hard questions because I love them all...sometimes I look at the conformation but mainly I take in the whole dog...I really can love them all...have not found a bad apple yet...even the ones that don't meet conformation make great pets and have the greatest personalities...I am honest to all my prospective buyers and do point out the flaws...had one pup that was very shy...I told everyone and explained that if she got away from the other dogs that she would flourish...well no one wanted to take the chance...finally found a young couple...they have written me and let me know that she has come out of shell and plays all the time...in my contract I ask for pictures and update for a minimum of 2 years...this gives me a chance to see how they mature and how the new parents are getting along with them...I do get some very cute pictures...

- How would you describe the ideal home for this breed?
a loving home that does not keep the dog crated all the time...a fenced yard...now these guys do not let you ignore them but I would not let them go to a home that I suspect might...they are high energy...love to play...must have lots of toys and attention...will try to manipulate you like a child...will try to get away with anything they can...I just love them to death...have not meet one that I don't like yet...
- Are your puppies whelped in your home?
Yes, we have the parents in the house...I deliver the pups...they sleep next to my bed till they are old enough to move...in fact the last litter stayed there till they went to a new home...or I should say till they were old enough to sleep with us without an accident...
- What advice would you offer someone in raising and training a dog of this breed?
Buy the Book The Toy Fox Terrier: Wired for Action by Dr. John F. Davidson, UKC/AKC Breed Judge...13400 N. Lakewood Dr. ...Dunlap, IL 61525...35 year Breeder Discusses Raising your puppy to be a great Pet, Show Dog or Performance Dog (Agility, Obedience, Therapy)...309-243-7506...johnfd@hotmail.com....
- How do you assist or help this breed when in need of rescue?
I have lived in the same place since 1979...I am here to answer any and all questions at any time...I have taken dogs back that I have breed and placed them in homes or kept them...I do have a stud dog that I feel is a rescue because he had 4 homes before he came to live with me...he was mis treated and the breeder...my friend...took him back and placed him several times before placing him with me...he could not walk or eat...I hand feed him...he would cry everytime you touched him...now he is the man of the house...he loves everyone but is real attached to me...he is my little man and produces some of the prettiest pups I have seen...he is 9 inches tall and weighs 3.5 lbs...spoiled rotten...I have no problem with rescue just do not feel that I am set up for it at this time...my daughter lives in my basement and until she moves out I don't have the added space...although I have been known to board dogs for short term...
Let me know if you have any other questions...as you can see this is my Breed and I love them to death...I LOVE to talk about them...Barb
Sam----------------------------------

http://skootersdogblog.blogspot.com A blog about Skooter and Mopedhttp://www.rockymtngsp.org Rocky Mountain GSP Rescue adoption page

"It is not a race to the finish. Enjoy the journey."

----- Original Message -----
From: Barb
To: Samantha
Sent: Thursday, March 15, 2007 12:34 AM
Subject: Re: puppy

I don't have any puppies at this time but I do have 3 females that should be coming in heat soon and I will be breeding them...therefore I should have pups ready for new homes within 6 months...for Pet Quality I am asking $800 with a neuter contract...Show Potential is $1000 with a puppy back on a breeding...I do have a friend in Indiana that has male puppies available now if you are interested in them...are there any other questions you might have...Barb

Additional questions I need to be thinking about.

- How long have you had the breed in question?
- Why do you have the breed in question (show, performance, hunting, etc.)?
- What do you consider to be the most important single characteristic of an example of this breed?
- What health issues have you seen in the breed?
- What criteria do you set for your breeding stock?
- Do you plan to keep a puppy from this litter?
- How often do you have puppies?
- Do you have a written contract and puppy guarantee?
- At what age do you send your pups to their homes?
- How would you describe the ideal dog of this breed?
- How would you describe the ideal home for this breed?
- Are your puppies whelped in your home?
- What advice would you offer someone in raising and training a dog of this breed?
- How do you assist or help this breed when in need of rescue?

Another dog? Maybe

It's 4:30am, so I don't want to be held to anything I say right now. I want to get a puppy. A toy fox terrier puppy. I need to have a dog. I need something to take care of each day. It has to be different than it was with Moped and Skooter though. It has to be a dog that doesn't cause me a lot of stress but adds to my life on a daily basis. I know I'd have to get through the puppy phase again (potty training, socialization, car rides, leash walks, etc.) but I know I can do that. I know it doesn't last forever. What would be different is that I'd have a dog that didn't require a large yard and wouldn't require a whole lot of exercise, beyond a daily walk. It feels like cheating to get a dog that isn't Skooter, but I'm miserable without a dog. I'd like another shot at it. I'd go into this knowing a lot more about what I need to do, from the start.

The question is: Can I be a good dog owner? Can I love another dog while still missing Skooter? I am getting another dog too quickly? What about the cats enjoying not having a dog around? Can I get attached to another dog? I think I can be a much better owner this time around because of all the knowledge I have going into it. I believe I can love another dog while still missing Skooter. I'll always miss Skooter. Nothing will change that. Is it too soon? No, I know what I'm getting myself into. I think that because it's a toy and will be raised with the cats they will get along just fine. I can get attached to another dog. I won't ever forget the love I have for Skooter and Moped, but there is room in my heart for one more.

So, after serious consideration, I'm going to explore the possibility of getting a TFT puppy. It looks like it would be a good breed for us at this stage in our lives. It's still scary to think of getting another dog (will I feel stressed again? will things work out differently this time? can we offer a dog an adequate, appropriate home?) but I know I'm ready to explore the possibility. It makes me happy inside just to think of it.

I need to be reminded

I had to ask David to remind me why we can't have a dog like Skooter or Moped. I needed him to do that because I'm really missing Skooter and want him back. I think about dogs that get lost and go hundreds or thousands of miles to find their families. Some dogs do remember. I don't want Skooter or Moped to remember. I want them to be happy with their new lives. And there are good reasons that we gave them up: Skooter jumps the fence and has to be tied out, the yard is too small anyway, we can't give them enough physical exercise, we can't give them enough mental exercise and they cause me too much stress. These are very valid reasons to have given them up for adoption. In my mind I know I've done the right thing, but in my heart I am still sad. Thinking of Skooter doing his Midder Wiggles is what usually sets me off. I just want to see him be happy again. I know that he's happy down at the Rescue because Kris says he smiles a lot. That's good to know.

David just asked me if getting a small dog would help at all. I really don't know. It would be nice to have a dog that I could walk and that could comfortably sit in my lap (Skooter sat in my lap, but it wasn't too comfortable :-) ). I just don't know if getting a dog is a good idea. I'm afraid that I'll get a dog then have to give it up again. I'd feel horrible if that happened. I'd be embarrassed too. But having a puppy would make me happy. What king of dog would be good for us though? I don't know that I'd want a purebreed again. Maybe a dog from the Humane Society would work. I don't know what to think. I need to have a dog. Having cats just isn't enough for me. I need someone who really is happy when I get home.

We'll have to think about it. Think very seriously.

Diary of a dog and a cat...

Thanks goes out to Kitty for sharing this funny story!

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
9:30 a.m. Oh, boy! A car ride! My favorite!
9:40 a.m. Oh, boy! A walk! My favorite!
10:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favorite!
11:30 a.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favorite!
1:00 p.m. Oh, boy! The yard! My favorite!
4:00 p.m. Oh, boy! To the park! My favorite!
5:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Dog food! My favorite!
5:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Pretty Mums! My favorite!
6:00 p.m. Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favorite!
6:30 p.m. Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favorite!
8:30 p.m Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favorite!

EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.

Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair, must try this on their bed.

Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan.

There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.

I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the high metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time...

I will be happy for me

The reason that this is all so difficult for me is that the dogs were my life. Everything I did revolved around the dogs and their potty break/get out of the kennel schedule. From the minute that I woke up they needed me. 'Please let me out of my kennel, I have to go to the bathroom. And I'm excited to see you too after not seeing you all night.' Then there was the training: sitting before they could come out of their kennels, sitting before they could go out the sliding door and sitting when they came back in the door. There were the times I had to wait on Skooter to come back because he had jumped the fence and was off somewhere in the neighborhood chasing rabbits. So to fix that I had to go out on the deck every time I let Skooter out to clip him to the tie out. I really didn't want to have to go outside in the middle of the night or first thing in the morning, but I had to so Skooter could go out. Then there was letting them in and letting them run around in the house to get some energy out. I had to watch them every second. Most of the time Moped was stealing something and running around with it in his mouth. I couldn't just sit and relax, I had to be eyeing them intently. Next came breakfast: kibble was fairly easy, but when I changed to the raw meat diet it got a bit more compllicated and time consuming. I fed them in their kennels but still had to keep an eye on them to make sure no one choked on his food. Then there was another trip outside and all the sitting that was involved in going out and coming in. Then it was back in the house for a romp. I couldn't just go take a shower or eat breakfast without putting them in their kennels. I felt bad about putting them in their kennels so much so I would put off what I had to do for me in order to let them stay out. Eventually though, they would get too rowdy and I had to put them back in their kennels. Then there was some me time. But not much. I still felt guilty about them being in their kennels, so I let them out of their kennels again. That meant focusing totally on them to the exclusion of myself. No TV, no reading, no bible study, nothing, just watching them. By this time it was time for the created nap time. They didn't want to nap, but I needed them to nap. I needed a break from having to watch them so closely. It would get to a point of being mind numbing. So on to the nap it was. They usually didn't last too long before someone was whining and/or scratching at their kennel to get out. They'd get to romp around the house for a bit then I had to let them out and then back in again remembering to have them sit when entering and exiting.

This was the morning routine, which was the afternoon routine and then the evening routine. I did this all day long with the dogs. And I threw in some training in my spare time. My whole day revolved around my dogs and their care. Their exercise was running around in the back yard and romping around the house. I couldn't take them for walks because they pulled too much on the leash, so it wasn't a walk, it was a drag. And their was absolutely no way to take both dogs out at the same time. They would have just pulled me over. I would have enjoyed taking them on errands with me but Moped wasn't very good in the car. He was always trying to drive! Skooter on the other hand did great in the car, just sitting there like a good boy, enjoying the ride. But I didn't want to just bring Skooter with me and leave him in the car alone. It would be like being in his kennel. So I didn't get them out very much. That is until we started training and Doggy Day Care. Then they were out a whole lot more than they had been previously. But training took up a lot of time too. Our whole Saturday was spent on taking the dogs to and from training and Doggy Day Care. On other days it was the same schedule: let them out of their kennels for as long as I could tolerate focusing on them to the exclusion of myself.

Day after day, week after week, I kept up this hectic pace. I would have done almost anything to keep my dogs. But it wasn't about just keeping them. It was about their quality of life. And their quality of life sucked. They needed to be outdoors all day and playing all day and running around all day to get out their puppy energy and their championship blood line bird dog energy. They needed to go for walks. They needed to go to the dog park and just run around for hours. They needed to keep going all day and wear themselves out so going in their kennel at night would be a blessing, so they could really rest. They needed to play games and practice obedience. They needed so much more than I was physically or metally capable of giving them. I always felt like I was letting them down and I was always stressed out.

This was no way for any of us to live. So after having Skooter for 15 months and having Moped for seven months, I started considerering what would be best for them. We were in the middle of obedience training, the door program and Doggy Day Care. But I decided not to prolong the inevitable: they were going to have to go to a more appropriate home. I wasn't going to make them wait until training was over. Why have them be bored and me stressed for another day. So I made the difficult decision to give them up for adoption.

I find solace in the fact that they are doing great down at the Rescue in Penrose. It is a more appropriate home for them. They get to be outside all day and don't have to be watched every minute. Skooter can't jump over the fence and probably doesn't want to because he's got so much going on in the yard now. He gets to play with other dogs, be out all day and lay in the sun. They get to go for car rides, they get to be demo dogs at the PetCo obedience class. They get to run down at the Reservoir. They are getting to be dogs instead of inmates. Their sweetness is now matched by the lifestyle they have. There is so much more freedom for them.

And one day soon a more appropriate forever home will be found for them. A home where they can be dogs! I look forward to them having a great life. It is not easy to give them up, but it is right to give them up. I will always remember their sweetness and how they made me smile and laugh. I will remember the good times I was blessed to have with them. And I will be happy for them enjoying their new found life. A more appropriate life. I will be happy for them. And I will be happy for me.

A beautiful comment

I can understand your pain and I still wish I could take it away. But you won't grieve forever, my friend. Joy cometh in the morning. Remember that. How blessed your life has been to have Skooter and Moped in it for the short time they were in it. Sometimes friends come into our universe as stars and shine brightly, so brightly we can never forget them. - Anonymous

Enough self pity

Okay, I got that out of my system. Now I can deal with what's really going on in my life and focus on the fact that the dogs are a whole lot better off where they are and they don't think of nor would they want to if they did, come back to the prison that was there home here. Yes, we loved them, but that honestly wasn't enough for them. They need and deserve so much more. And they've got that down at the Rescue. I am happy for them, I really am. And I'm going to do my best to be positive about this situation. I need to learn to let go.

Do I Go Home Today?

This is a very sad poem, but it touched my heart. Get out the hankies...

My family brought me home cradled in their arms.They cuddled me and smiled at me and said I was full of charm.They played with me and laughed with me and showered me with toys.I sure do love my family, especially the girls and boys.The children loved to feed me, they gave me special treats.They even let me sleep with them - all snuggled in the sheets.I used to go for walks, often several times a day.They even fought to hold the leash, I'm very proud to say.These are the things I'll not forget - a cherished memory.I now live in the shelter-without my family.They used to laugh and praise me when I played with that old shoe.But I didn't know the difference between the old ones and the new.The kids and I would grab a rag, for hours we would tug.So I thought I did the right thing when I chew the bedroom rug.They said that I was out of control, and would have to live outside.This I did not understand, although I tried and tried.The walks stopped, one by one; they said they hadn't time.I wish that I could change things, I wish I knew my crime.My life became so lonely, in the backyard, on a chain.I barked and barked all day long to keep from going insane.So they brought me to the shelter but were embarassed to say why,They said I caused an allergy, and then they each kissed me goodbye.If I'd only had some classes, as a little pup.I wouldn't have been so hard to handle when I was all grown up."You only have one day left." I heard the worker say.Does that mean I have a second chance? Do I go Home today?

Would you be shocked to know that I miss the dogs today? No? I didn't think so.

Driving home today as I pulled into the community I could see our backyard. It made me sad to know that the dogs weren't in the yard or in the house. All I've thought about today is going to get them. Holy guacamole! Am I ever going to let go of them?

I sent a package down to the Rescue today along with a $50 check (donation). In the package I included the letters to Skooter and Moped's new families and the CD's I made of their pictures and movies. I also sent the picture of Skooter with his mom and sister and Moped's family picture collage. I'd like the families that adopts them to know their history and have thier baby pictures. I hope Kris will pass them on.

I got an erroneous delivery of dog food today from Furry Friends. It almost made me cry. I've decided that I'll donate it to All Breed Rescue. It's 25 lbs so it should be appreciated. I'm sure the foster dogs there could use it.

David is really missing the dogs today too. He says that he knows we've done the right thing but it doesn't feel like it's the right thing. I sure do get how he feels.

Shower time

It's the middle of the night once again and I'm up for no particular reason. I was remembering that Moped had started jumping into the tub in the guest bathroom. He'd get behind the curtain and play around in there for a minute or so. Then he'd battle his way out through the shower curtain. Invariabley there would be something in his mouth: soap, shampoo, or something. I'd have to chase him down or have him come to me to get the offending item. It was fun watching him jump in the shower. He's such a puppy, so full of energy and exploration. He is a very curious dog, in both meanings of the word. He loves to check everything out and he's somewhat eccentric. What is cool about Moped is how quickly he learns new behaviors. Once I taught him that he had to sit at the door before being let out, he'd park his little butt in front of that door almost every time without being told to. And it wasn't just a quick sit. He would drop that butt on the floor purposefully and wait. But I could tell that he was jump itching to jump out the door. He would even whine his frustration at me taking so long to open the sliding door. But he sat the whole time, protesting or not. He is such a good boy. I miss Puddin' Pop.

I wrote a letter to Brad to let him know that we had given the dogs up for adoption. That was a difficult letter to write. Brad was with us when we picked out Skooter and he lived with us when we had both Skooter and Moped. He loved the dogs. I know it will make him sad that we surrendered them.

I wish I could see them one more time. I'd love to get more pictures and videos of them. But seeing me would just confuse them and I can't let that happen. I'll have to live with my regrets.

They both must be having a ball getting to go to PetCo with Kris' daughter. Whether they are being a demo dog in an obedience class or shopping, I know they are happy just being out and getting to expend some energy.

Gosh, I miss them. I know I've done the best thing for them, but it doesn't stop me from missing them. It just makes me love them even more. I think about them every day and wonder what they are up to. If it's sunny out, like it's been, I know that Skooter is laying in the sun, catching rays. He's such a sensitive dog. He wears his feelings on his sleeve. Especially when he's Midder Wiggles. His little butt would start shaking then it wasn't too long before the rest of him came along and started wiggling too. He'd smile and air bite. He would be so happy and excited and you knew it too! I can picture him wiggling as he sat there, waiting so impatiently for attention. He always got the attention he wanted, but I have to admit sometimes I'd let him wiggle a second or two longer that a needed to just because it was so much fun to watch him to it. And I don't think he minded having to wait. He was just thrilled about whatever it was that started the wiggle in the first place. I miss Midder Wiggles.

I wonder if they miss me at all or think about me. I wish I could tell them that I didn't abandoned them, that I am doing what I think is best for them. I'd want them to know that their happiness is a priority for me. I wouldn't want them to be sad at all. I want them to be happy no matter where they are or where they end up. I just hope I can stay in contact with them, at least once a year, to find out how they are doing. I hope their new owners are understanding. I won't ever stop thinking of them or wondering about them. It's like right now, I know that they are okay, but I'd love to get an email telling me the same. I know that no news is good news, but I'd love to have the good news anyway.

I'm so glad that they get to be out of their kennels all day. They must love playing with the other dogs and just being outside. Especially in this beautiful weather we are having. Moped probably plays all day long, without stopping! Skooter on the other hand likes to take a break more often than not. He's my lazy bird dog.

I hope the day doesn't come that I don't have anything to say in the Dog Blog. I hope I can think of memory after memory of them. And I hope to bring new memories to the Blog once I find out what they are up to once they are adopted.

I hope that the new owners will want to talk to me to find out about Midder Wiggles and Puddin' Pop. I want to be able to tell them all about their new, best friend. I hope they will read the Dog Blog so they can see how much they are loved and missed. I didn't give them up easily. I still struggle with going down there to bring them back home. But I know that they would not be happy in this little yard or being in the house most of the time, which means being in thier kennels a lot. No, I choose the freedom they have now. I choose a better life for them. And it's all because I love them so much. More than anyone can imagine.

I Love My Dog

I love my dog as much as I love you
But you may fade, my dog will always come through.
All he asks from me is the food to give him strength
All he ever needs is love and that he knows hell get
So, I love my dog as much as I love you
But you may fade, my dog will always come through.
All the pay I need comes shining through his eyes
I dont need no cold water to make me realize that
I love my dog as much as I love you
But you may fade, my dog will always come through.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, nana...
I love my dog as much as I love you
But you may fade, my dog will always come through.
Na, na, na, na, na, na, nana...
I love my dog, baby, I love my dog. na, na, na...
I love my dog, baby, I love my dog. na, na, na...

- Cat Stevens

Angry at the world

In my previous entry I was not referring to anyone specifically. I am angry at the world for not making this right. I feel like somebody should have been able to help me to figure out what to do so I could keep my dogs and not have them act like wild animals in the house. Maybe I was told and maybe I just couldn't do it. I know I was told to be patient, that it might take six months to a year or more for them to change. With the stress level I was feeling I didn't have that long. I needed a quick fix and there wasn't one. Except to put them up for adoption.

I want them back. Today I really want them back. But I know that nothing has changed in my lifestyle that would make things any better with them now than is was before. I know that. What has changed with them is that they are in a higher activity, higher energy level environment now. An environment that I cannot provide. They are getting to do the things that they need to do: being out of thier kennels all day, getting to run around, getting to play with other dogs, learning how to behave in the house and being loved for who they are right now. I couldn't love them for what they are right now - it was too much for me.

Again, I'm not blaming anyone specifically for not helping out. I'm just angry at the world. Somebody else needs to be to blame because it can't be me. It can't be that I wasn't patient enough, that I didn't try hard enough, that I didn't invest enough time, effort, and money into them. No, it couldn't possibly be me so it's got to be someone/everyone else.

I know this is just part of the grieving process that I have to go through. I feel like I will grieve forever. :-(

Unconditional love

My dogs loved me unconditionally. They never did anything on purpose to hurt me. They just wanted to love me and for me to love them back. I miss that. I miss it terribly. It's hard to get that from humans, but a dog is always there to make you feel like you're the most important thing in their world and they'd do anything for you. I miss the unconditional love of my dogs. I just plain miss my dogs.

I feel guilty when I read their profiles online because it makes me see what great dogs they are and what I'm missing out on. I read the profile and think 'I'd adopt him in a minute!'. That's where the guilt comes in. Could I have done more? Should I just have been more patient? Did I lose out on the best thing in my life because I didn't try hard enough to make it work? Guilt, guilt, guilt!

I also feel angry that I had to give up the dogs. If I had had more help with them, we might not have gotten to the point that we had to give them up. I'd like to say it's water under the bridge now, but it's not. It's more like a tsunami bearing down on me, getting ready to crush me. I can't stand that I had to give them up for adoption. I know it is what is best for them. I just wish I could have been what was best for them. But I couldn't do it on my own. I needed help, but I didn't really get any.

So, I'm sad and missing my dogs. Especially Skooter, but Moped too. I miss how soft they feel, how they looked at me with their soulful eyes and how they made me feel important and needed. My dogs mean a lot to me. I know they always will.