It doesn't get any easier

I spent my whole hour with Marianne talking about Harley. I cried a few times. Deciding how to handle things with him is not easy. It just comes down to this - I don't want him biting me again. Maybe he'd be okay with someone else but having him just doesn't work for me. Right now he's tethered to the couch so he can't go after me. That's not having a pet. When I got home today I let him out and he was okay for a few minutes. Then he started jumping on me and biting me. I literally had to push him out the back door to get him to go out. I'm just sick of him going after me. Of course right now he's laying down, looking oh so innocent. But I know that within minutes of letting him off the tether he'd be back at me again. I just want to be able to sit in my chair and work on my laptop without Harley getting upset and going after me.

The question I keep asking myself is have I made enough of an effort with him? Am I just giving up because it's difficult? How much longer should I let him bite me before it's okay to say I'm done? He's not a vicious dog. At times he can be really gentle and sweet but the majority of the time that he's in the house and out of his kennel or off of his tether his is biting me or jumping up on me. How much more of this do I have to endure? Would I be a bad person if I found someone else to take him? He's very high maintenance and I don't have that much to give. I end up giving everything I have to Harley and having nothing left over for myself.

I don't know that I would ever feel like I worked hard enough with him no matter how much time, effort and money I put into him. So do I do what's best for me or do I keep trying to make this situation work and keep getting bitten in the mean time. I felt so sure when I was talking to Marianne and now I'm second guessing myself again. Maybe I should give it more time. Isn't that what I do with everything though. How much time am I supposed to give it and how much abuse am I supposed to put up with. I want to be a dog person but I don't think that will ever work out for me. Harley senses something in me that tells him that he can take advantage of me. He seems to have no boundaries with me. If he wants to attack me, he attacks me. End of story.

David doesn't seem to be too concerned about what Harley is doing to me physically, mentally and emotionally. I think that he thinks that I'm just giving up, that I don't want to put in the effort that it would take to get Harley to behave (if that's even possible with me). But I'm the one who has to deal with Harley 24/7, not David. He gets to go to work and not deal with this all day. I don't have that option. I want to be able to make decisions based on what I want to do not on what is best for Harley. I'm not sorry that I got Harley. I have learned a lot about myself on my adventure with him but maybe now is the time for me to move forward. No matter what I do it won't be easy. Keeping him and having him biting me stinks. Letting him go would make me very sad.

I guess I was hoping that David would have some sympathy for me going through this but I don't really see that from him. I'm not saying he's bad because of that or that I'm mad, I guess I was just hoping he would make this easier for me. I'm going to have to figure this out on my own, well with Marianne's help. Do I even want to make this work anymore? I don't think that I do.